A Mindful Christmas With Focus Forward

This Christmas we took a different path of celebrating the day and took a short trip on Christmas Day to the small town of Marble Falls, Texas. The only place open in the town for activities was a small movie theater where we saw the new The Secret Life of Walter Smitty movie. From there we enjoyed a magnificent Christmas light display the town puts on every year. A volunteer told me that the display is put up by townspeople but they also receive help from a local prison that sends a team of inmates to help string lights. Those same inmates are invited back before the display opens to the public to see the fruits of their work and enjoy punch and cookies. She mentioned for many inmates it is a touching experience to give back to society in that manner.

Back at the hotel I had time for some reading so took the occasion to read through my December issue of Mindful magazine. Sitting there reading I was thankful that we had a relaxing Christmas day together with no major cooking or cleanup. This time of reading also gave me the time to be reflective. Mindfulness is being able to appreciate the present moment . I thought that had been a part of the evening for me, starting with the Christmas light display. Strolling through and viewing the lights with my wife and daughter gave me time to reflect on the message of Christmas and the importance of this holiday in my present and past. The crisp cold air gave me the reminder of Christmas time even though being in Central Texas there was no snow unlike my Ohio and Chicago Christmas days. Viewing the displays I was able to fully able to fully enjoy them in the moment while at the same time they brought up fond savoring memories from Christmases past.

This time of year I do also begin to think of the year ahead of new goals and plans for the year ahead. It was interesting that the Mindful issue had an article that inspired me to reflect on my new goals and plans for the coming year. The article was “Focus” by Dr. Daniel Goleman. The article shared thoughts from his latest book, Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence. I have always been a strong supporter in my teaching college students concerning his concepts of emotional intelligence so this was the highlight article of the issue for me.

The article mentions the lack of the power of focus for many people in our modern technological world. In a Twitter, texting world minds are more scattered and less focused. I noticed this the other day while attending a Trans Siberian Orchestra concert. Two people beside me at the beginning of an amazing show were looking at other videos on the one person’s cell phone. Also throughout the show many people I noticed, instead of taking in the show with the focus on the performance, they had their cell phones out either texting or taking pictures and videos of the show. Why? To prove on Facebook that they were there? By mindfully being focused on the performance I was able to deeply appreciate the group’s talent yes, but also more importantly be touched by a powerful story of the meaning of Christmas within the story being told by the narrator and singers. I understood that Dr. Goleman was right -- focus is important.

Within the article he shared three aspects of focus I had never thought of before. He shared that to have what I call a living more than ok life of abundant living, we need to consider three vital aspects of focus. First is to focus on the inner world, other relationships, and the outer world. The “inner focus” zeroes in on our personal values and our personal unique strengths. The second is the “other focus” that relates to an emphasis on our relationship with others in our circle of influence. The third focus aspect to consider is the “outer focus” that encourages a consideration of the big picture of the larger world around us.

As I reflected on what Dr. Goleman was saying here how these three aspects of focus can move us towards excellence; I thought of how I usually worked through personal goals in the past. I would say my personal plans were usually planned with just the inner focus. So as I move in to the New Year with my planning and new goal preparation, I am deciding to add into the planning the “other focus’ and the “outer focus” to add new dimensions in the planning process as I prayerfully and mindfully consider ideas for my life in 2014.

Reflection: Do you find yourself more scattered in your thinking and your life? Did you take time to mindfully enjoy the meaning for Christmas in your personal life? What do you think of Dr. Goleman’s concepts of having an inner, other, and outer focus?

Don’t Forget Books For Last Minute Gift Shopping

This week I was thinking with Christmas coming what to write about . My mind went to a column I read last week on American Spectator, “Buy the Book Christmas Books The gift of knowledge”, by Thomas Sowell . Then by happenstance that day I saw a Barnes & Noble ad on Facebook with this quote, “Books make great gifts because they have whole worlds inside them” – Neil Gaiman. Then a couple days later, a friend from my school days on Facebook posted an interesting tag of mentioning 10 favorite books that had personal meaning to her life. So I thought why not write about books as a last minute Christmas gift option?

Now I know what you may be thinking. You notice my new book, Living More Than OK, at the top of my blog webpage. “Oh, this is a subtle attempt to get me to buy his book.” My response to that is, “ do you really think I would stoop so low as to just focus in on my book to get more sales? Ummmm! Oh my, that is a great idea. Thank you for thinking of it!” But seriously I am looking at this topic from the standpoint of the individual needs of each person on your gift list.

Considering the Neil Gaiman quote books make a great gift as they allow you to give a gift that opens up new worlds to the person you are giving the gift to. You have so many options to choose from in looking for books that relate to the friends you are shopping for. This variety with books is seen as Thomas Sowell brings out in his column there are options from coffee table books to more heady scholarly works. So through the gift of books you are opening up the mind of the receiver to new ideas, new possibilities and even new worlds. Dr. Sowell’s column title has the “gift of knowledge” in the title. What better gift to give as to increase a person’s thinking and knowledge with a Christmas gift of a book. Everything we read is increasing our knowledge which I believe is a good thing. I can’t think of a better way to help a friend prepare for new possibilities in the coming New Year.

Also giving the gift of books is very personal. In buying a book for someone you are thinking about the unique interests and likes of the person you are buying for. Of course you do that for any gift but with books you are zeroing even closer as you want the book to fit the individual. So buying books as a gift is very personal. If you need some ideas you can go to an online search engine like Google or Bing and search for ‘Best Books to give at Christmas”. You will find a wide variety of suggestions from various websites.

With shopping for books there are opportunities for ordering online through Barnes and Nobles and Amazon’s websites, as well as other book websites. Of course I am old fashioned, and prefer supporting brick and mortar bookstores. The internet cannot give you the feeling of exploring through the bookshelves and finding a hidden gem of a book. In the bookstore you can relax and peruse through any pages you wish, to see if it is the right book to purchase. So give me a bookstore any day!

Don’t forget in your buying books for others to not forget about yourself. Another great thing about books is that you are not going to break the bank so you can purchase a book for yourself to enjoy on these Wintry December days. Visualize yourself inside on a snow covered day with a hot cup of coffee and a good book. Buy yourself a book and you can make the visualization come true (maybe-- except for the snow if you live in the South like I do). Have a fun and safe final shopping weekend before Christmas!
By the way did I forget to mention I have a new book out? Living More Than OK! (Alright! I will keep quiet about it!).

Reflection: Write down the names of five of your friends. After their names write down what you know of their interests and likes. Search the internet for books that relate to those interests and likes.

Writing New Pages In The Book Of Your Life

At the recent Texas Counseling Association conference, in my presentation evaluation form , I asked attendees to share positive uplifting songs. My purpose, I told them was to pool among them a variety of positive songs that I could then email them for use with their clients and their own personal lives. As you know, I believe that music has power as a medium. A power for good or bad. My emphasis is to accentuate the positive music. They offered a wide variety of songs from various artists and styles of music. One that caught my attention is “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield.

I wasn’t aware of her as an artist and thought I had never heard the song. Once I listened to it on Youtube, I realized I had heard it but never paid attention to the message. As usual take a few minutes to listen to the song by clicking on the song title. I came across an extremely creative video that touches on the message of the song.

"Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield (click on the title to hear the song)

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you, Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance , So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions, Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you, Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else, Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken, Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins,
The rest is still unwritten
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you, Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance, So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions, Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you, Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else, Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken, Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin, No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in, No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips, Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open, Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Staring at the blank page before you, Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance, So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions, Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you, Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else, Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken, Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin, No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in, No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips, Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open, Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten, The rest is still unwritten, The rest is still unwritten

The first thought that hit me is that each new day we face is a blank page in the story of our lives. We may have some outline notes laying around if it is a day where we have something planned. Yet if we are honest much of what happens is unplanned. As we look into the future, years ahead and the end of our story; we do not know exactly what will be. We often find ourselves thinking of the future as the line says, “Reaching for something in the distance”. So we are constantly creating new pages in our book as we write with the pen of our daily living.

The song makes me think of Dr. John Krumboltz’s happenstance theory that speaks to the point that we need to be open to what life brings to us. The phrase “Live your life with arms wide open” points for me to be open to the possibilities that God brings my way. We need to be active in our lives as well, as Natasha reminds us to “Feel the rain on our skin”. We need to be involved actively in life as no one else can live life for us. Be open to trying new things which in turn can open up more possibilities. Thinking of the creativity of the video we see a book that was not satisfied to stay on the shelf but climbs to venture outside. I am very much of a traditionalist admittedly. The song though made me wonder can we become stuck behind dirty windows and settle that a drab ok life as this is all there is? Maybe it is better to open up and “Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find”. Move into the sunshine and try new experiences for new pages of our book.

The word, “drenching” to me is to allow full absorption in the new happenstance events, because that helps in the new creation of each day. This allows for full understanding so I can then “speak the words” on my lips to continue to write new portions of the narrative of my life story. Then as I close off a day I can sleep with anticipation for the next new page in my book the next day “The rest is still unwritten, The rest is still unwritten, The rest is still unwritten”.

Reflection: At the end of the day do you look forward to new opportunities in your next day as a blank page in the story of your life? As we near the end of this year look back at your life story for this year. What have been highlights in your story?