My New Book Living More Than OK

My New Book Living More Than OK
purchase it at B & N, Amazon or (click on image of cover)

Monday, May 29, 2017

Exploring Healing for Life Traumas



Many of us if we are honest as we look back at our past, have hardships and traumas in our early life history. At a conference I was attending in South Texas a therapist friend of mine, Dr. Marsha Nelson, from Edinberg, Texas encouraged my family to read the book, Childhood Disrupted authored by Donna Jackson Nakazawa (if you want more information on the author click on the hyperlink to her webpage). We spent several weeks with our daughter each evening reading through the book aloud to us until the end (by the way this is a digression but reading aloud a book together as a family is a great way to encourage reading and to build discussions about a book).

Nakazawa’s book delves into neuroscience studies on how early traumas in our lives can negatively affect not only our mental and emotional aspects of our lives. She reveals how these traumas can imprint into the brain with aftereffects of physical problems such as heart disease, fibromyalgia, cancer, autoimmune diseases and other physical maladies. The first half of the book are true case studies of abuse and traumas that have happened in the lives of individuals. The trauma events differed from physical, sexual abuse or being involved in tragic accidents in the various cases presented. Early on obvious depression and anxiety based problems occurred in their lives but an interesting point was the amount of physical maladies that began to form in the various people whose stories were listed.

The book is research rich as the author goes beyond the particular cases to medical research studies that reveal thousands of cases of various physical problems seem to have a connection to early childhood trauma. As my daughter read through the book it allowed each of us to think through the problems we have each faced in our past. I thought over my life where my father died right after my second birthday. His sudden absence placed me into a 2 year period of shock where I expressed no emotion nor did I speak until after I was 4 years old. Understanding what the author was saying allowed me to make more sense of many of my problems I had as I grew up in my small town. It also made sense as to negative tendencies that still give me trouble in the present.

We were glad when we reached to part 2 of the book that looked at solutions. Many of the cases presented were very difficult. Even as a therapist, I was deeply saddened at hearing some of the major trauma that the people in the book were faced with as young children from physical and sexual abuse. Sometimes hearing other people’s stories helps to put life in perspective as we often think of how bad we had it in life. When we hear another’s stories we often realize maybe we did not have it so bad.


I will list some of the tips and ideas to help with the healing process that are listed in the later chapters. The first one that is important to me is “writing to heal”. Keeping a diary or a journal is a way to write out some of the pain and emotion from the past. Some authors and bloggers I have read share they started their writing journey as a healing process. There are exercises where people can write their traumas out in a letter maybe to send to the abuser or some gain relief by burning the letter afterwards. Writing can be a healing enterprise. As I mentioned research is important in this book and she shares researcher’s thoughts on writing as healing.

Nakazawa also discusses drawing as art therapy. Art is an effective way to grow in touch with your creativity and to express your emotions. My therapist friend I mentioned at the beginning, Dr. Marsha Nelson does amazing work with her Creative Expression workshops. Dr. Nelson was trained by Dr. Lucia Capacchione and her books are some of the best in using art as healing. A few of her books I would recommend are: The Creative Journal, The Power of Your Other Hand, and Visioning: Ten Steps to Designing the Life of Your Dreams.

Some of her other recommendations are mindfulness meditation which I often recommend to clients and as a family we have been helped by mindfulness body scan meditations. Other ideas are loving-kindness, forgiveness, yoga and healthy relationships.

As a Licensed Professional Counselor I also appreciate her chapter on seeking professional therapeutic help. It is good to try ideas for self-growth that were mentioned but if the trauma issues are difficult with the burden of emotional and psychological pain it is important to seek professional help. I was grateful that she emphasizes this important issue. There is a stigma still about seeking emotional help so it is great to see an author show how the therapeutic relationship with a caring and objective therapist can help through the difficulties individuals face in overcoming personal pain and traumas of the past.

If you are struggling with a painful past I highly recommend this book as part of the healing process. I also recommend this book just as it was recommended to me, for therapists to learn a variety of ways to help people in the healing process as they deal with the pains of the past.


Reflection: Think through your life journey have there been painful traumatic experiences in your life? What helped you through that time? If you are still struggling with problems from the past look beyond pride and fear and seek out a professional therapist in your area who can come along side you to overcome the pain.

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Examining Your Goals and Achieving Them



As we near the mid-point of the year, Spring can be a positive time to re-evaluate your goals for the year. A helpful book to guide you through the process is Achieve Any Goal by Brian Tracy. Just the other day I was reading in Psalms 119:59 “I pondered the direction of my life, and I turned to follow your laws.” (NLT) and that reminded me of the need to slow down and ponder, think through, and evaluate how the direction of my life is going. Brian Tracy’s book helps in this process. I have looked at a couple of his books in past blog posts. I have reflected on his books – The Power of Discipline as well as Bull’s Eye: The Power of Focus.

One reason I am a big believer in creating personal goals in living the Living More Than OK life, is that they aid in giving direction to our life purpose. Brian Tracey near the beginning of his book describes the power of goals: “Living without clear goals is like driving in a fog. No matter how powerful or well-engineered your car, you drive slowly, hesitantly, making little progress on even the smoothest road. Deciding upon your goals clears the fog immediately and allows you to focus and channel your energies and abilities toward what you really want.” (pg. 20) It is a choice we must make do we want a bumpy and choppy life journey or a smooth life journey? With the chaos of life no one can be guaranteed a perfectly smooth life but with clearly established goals our life can be smoother. In this book Achieve Any Goal he provides 12 steps to help in the achievement process. This week in my blog I will focus on a few that stood out to me.

His step 2 jumped out at me in which Mr. Tracy says, “Believe that your goal is achievable”. If you have created a clearly stated realistic goal throw out the “I can’t” thinking and have faith in yourself. High achieving, successful people believe they can reach what they are reaching for in their goals. Have an inner conviction that you will reach the goal you created. He includes in this section one of my favorite Napoleon Hill quotes: “Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” (pg 47). Negativity in our mindset will limit our success in our goals. Of course we need to keep our eyes open as I said last week, to life changes in which we may have to tweak the goals but the goal keeps us moving forward.

The second thought from his book I would like to share is step 3 “Write Your Goal Down”. I have read other books on goals and research articles on goals and there is just something about taking the step to write down you goals. He points out that putting the goal down on paper makes use of our visual, auditory and kinesthetic senses. We can then place that written goal someplace where we will regular see it and the process then works in our subconscious mind to help us achieve it. I encourage creative people to even go so far as to make a poster with creative graphics that relate to the goal. This activates the imagination to think big with the goal.



In his step 5 section “Determine Why You Want It” Mr. Tracy’s thoughts on “Blue-Sky Thinking” was enlightening. This is the third thought from the book I would like to share. He says of this: “In blue-sky thinking you imagine that all things are possible for you, just like looking up into a clear blue sky with no limits. You project forward with several years and imagine that your life is perfect in every respect. You then come back to where you are in the present in your own mind, and you ask. ‘What would have to happen from this point forward for me to achieve all my goals sometime in the future?’” (pg. 74). I have done this for myself in the past and with clients in the form of having them write out what their life looks like 5 years from today. It is a helpful visualization process.

The other steps of the 12 in the book are important as well, but I hope if you are interested in finding them you will check at your local library or you can purchase the book from Simple Truths website or other book sellers. The important thing beyond the book is take time to create clear, concrete, and specific goals for the different areas of your life where you want to see growth and success.



Reflection: What are important areas in your life you could write a goal about to achieve? Are you working on a goal right now? What is it? Maybe this is a good time to review the goal. Try out some blue-sky thinking with a couple of your important goals.


Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Keeping a Mindset for The Very Next Thing Paradox



This past Sunday my family were grateful to enjoy a Casting Crowns concert in San Antonio. Unspoken and Danny Gokey were part of the concert tour as well. I’ve always appreciated the depth in the lyrics to Casting Crown songs. Their musicianship is superb and in the concert, Mark Hall’s sharing is clearly from the heart and very real. So as I was thinking what to write about in my blog this week one of their songs came to mind. The Very Next Thing. Take a listen and enjoy the video.


The Very Next Thing by Casting Crowns (Click on title to hear the video)

I spend all my time
Dreaming what the future's gonna bring
When all of this time
There's a world passing by right in front of me
Set my sights on tomorrow
While I'm tripping over today

Who says big things
Are somewhere off in the distance
I don't want to look back
Just to see all the times that I missed it
I want to be here and now
Starting right here, right now

With the very next words of love to be spoken
To the very next heart that's shattered and broken
To the very next way you're gonna use me
Show me the next thing
I'll do the next thing

Let my very next breath
Breathe out a song of praise to you
With my very next step
Be on a road that was planned by you
Lord, wherever you're leading me
That's where I want to be

With the very next words of love to be spoken
To the very next heart that's shattered and broken
To the very next way you're gonna use me
Show me the next thing
I'll do the next thing

Eyes wide open I see you working
All around me you're on the move
Step by step I'm running to meet you
In the next thing, in the next thing

Eyes wide open I see you working
All around me you're on the move
Step by step I'm running to meet you
In the next thing

With the very next words of love to be spoken
To the very next heart that's shattered and broken
To the very next way you're gonna use me
Show me the next thing

Eyes wide open I see you working
All around me you're on the move (I'll do the next thing)
Step by step I'm running to meet you
In the next thing, in the next thing

Eyes wide open I see you working
All around me you're on the move (I'll do the next thing)
Step by step I'm running to meet you
In the next thing, in the next thing

Eyes wide open I see you working
All around me you're on the move
Step by step I'm running to meet you
In the next thing, in the next thing

They played many of their old favorites in the concert but this new song stood out to me. From my book, Living More Than OK, to some of my blog posts I am very much a promoter of dream lists and reaching for goals in life. Yet from my study of Dr. Jim Bright’s works on Chaos Theory of Careers and Dr. John Krumboltz’s written works on being open to happenstance, Luck Is No Accident, I understand the need of being open in our daily journey to the things and people that come across our paths. This year I have attended mindfulness workshops and mindfulness relates to this song as living mindfully we are aware of the moments in our lives appreciating each moment and learning from the moments.

The phrases “There's a world passing by right in front of me
Set my sights on tomorrow, While I'm tripping over today” spoke to me about how often do we miss out on important relationships or miss positive possibilities because we let the present moments pass us by. We wind up tripping over the obvious and too often later say to ourselves, “I should have helped that person” “Wow, I blew that great possibility”. If we are mindfully aware and keeping our “Eyes wide open” we may be able to skip over the “should have” statements times and take advantage of life changing possibilities.

Of course as a Christian with the same spiritual mindset of Mark Hall, I also appreciate his thoughts on the daily relationship of walking with God in this song. As in the phrase “Eyes wide open I see you working, All around me you're on the move (I'll do the next thing)”. The Christian if walking in communion with God sees the Godwinks behind the chaos and happenstance events of life. If we are spiritually mindful, God will “Show me the next thing”. It is an encouragement to keep in a step by step walk with God.



I believe the song is a positive reminder to be mindfully aware during our walk through each day. As for goals I still believe they are an important way to keep moving forward and provide purposes for direction. At the same time don’t focus so hard on the goals that we trip each day and miss out on the flowers along the daily journey.

Reflection- When was a recent time where you felt you tripped up during a day (missed an opportunity to help or did not appreciate the little things in a day)? What does going through the day with “Eyes wide open” mean to you?
Do you think you can walk through each day mindfully and still have future goals?