Back in the 1980’s while working on my first Masters degree at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School, I had a mentor who introduced me to the writings of Dr. Shad Helmstetter. He suggested the book, What to Say When You Talk to Yourself. It is the best book on self-talk I have ever read. I often recommended it to clients over the years especially with those who had faulty thinking about themselves. I was also glad to see he recently updated it in an updated edition. A short time ago I came across a autobiography Dr. Helmstetter had written titled, The Boy Who Wanted to Change the World. I read it so I could gain insights from his life.
There are many standout items about his life that can be learned through his biography. One that comes up early on is that he was a believer in dreams and creating goals. Early on in his life he wrote down how he wanted to write a bestselling book. This was years before What to Say When You Talk to Yourself, and he did it.
He grew up in the Midwest in a Christian family with 6 siblings. He emphasized that his family always ate meals together which built an environment of communication. Both parents encouraged creativity. He says of this, “My father decided to never have a television in our home, and we never had one. That choice proved to be one of the greatest blessings to my childhood. Instead of sitting and watching television we had to be creative.” (page 12) This through his story can be seen as a background of his dreaming big of wanting early on to make an impact in the world.
He also shared how in the family, he and his siblings were encouraged to think well, so as to be critical thinkers. The encouragement of reading and learning to love music strengthened his thought life. Later when he went into Christian ministry, but then moved to psychology, thinking he may make a bigger impact in life, the importance of thinking stayed a stronghold in his life. Even in the writing of his aforementioned book Dr. Helmstetter emphasized that the thought from Romans 12:2 “be transformed by the renewing of your mind” is a foundation stone of his teaching on the power of positive self-talk.
In his young years as a teen he often worked in the fields and that experience taught him the importance of self-reflective thinking and having times of solitude. His going through the various phases of his life he tells stories along with what he personally learned from the happenstance events of his life. Reading his life story is a helpful reminder to keep open to learning moments in the events of our lives.
With his desire to get the message of the importance of self-talk out to people he shares the importance of thinking through what we say to ourselves. The importance we need to understand is that we can change our movie scripts. I like that analogy of our lives as a movie, which aligns well with narrative therapy, I have mentioned in the past. We can change by changing the negatives we tell ourselves to a realistic positive movement. I highly encourage people to read Dr. Helmstetter’s What to Say When You Talk to Yourself book and also his life story.
Reflection: What is a story moment in your life that you have learned lessons for your own growth? Look at your self-talk. What are you feeding your mind with in self-statements that you can change for the better?
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