Big Goal Finished and Creating New Goals

Moving into the New Year of 2020 I have been in conversations with people working on personal goals for the New Year. In my book Living More Than OK, I give one chapter to dreaming big and setting goals. For the recent past years, my main goal has been to finish my long range goal of my PhD in psychology. As I started this year I received notice from Capella University that my dissertation was approved for publishing and that I met requirements for graduation. This was an amazing feeling as I never thought I would finish. The event also made me think what next goal is the right direction for me.

There was so much physical and emotional energy tied into finishing my dissertation that now I need to regroup mentally and move forward. As I regroup mentally I reflected on a short article in the most recent issue of Success magazine. The article was Always Looking Forward 3 Goal-Setting Myths by motivational coach Simon T. Bailey. He was trying to reframe thoughts on goals by looking at a few myths about goals.

The myths of goals he mentioned were: “The Goal is the Destination”, “Goals are Fixed Once they’re written down”, and “I need to wait until I can apply a particular framework perfectly”.

With the first myth, “The Goal is the Destination” his reminder was that we sometimes don’t perfectly reach our goal. Changes occur in life and maybe we reach a point where a better option occurs. In my case I did reach my goal of the PhD, but it took longer than expected with the twists and turns of life. Many times I wanted to give up but I had a Mentor professor who encouraged me to not give up. I went so far as posting a sign “Never Give Up” to remind me.

The second myth “Goals are Fixed Once they’re written down” reveals the important of re-editing goals as time moves on. Be open to shifts that require a change in your goal. He does bring out the point that it is important to write goals down but be open to making changes as needed. This reminds me of Dr. Jim Bright’s work on Chaos Theory of Careers in keeping an open and flexible mind as we work on goals in our lives.

Then the final myth he considers is “I need to wait until I can apply a particular framework perfectly”. Is there an exact formula to reaching a goal? Some books and experts promote that, but waiting for the perfect wording may keep a person from never moving forward.

The important thing is to take time to think through where you want to go with your plans for the future in this new year. If you follow a religious faith take extra time in prayer to gain insights into which path to follow. With my PhD done that is where I am at now. What direction or plan does God have for me to move in now? There is a purpose for us in every season of life so begin to work on a goal to begin your journey in 2020.

Reflection: What is the most recent goal you have achieved? Did it change any from its initial version? What is a goal or goals for your New Year?

Music Adds to the Holiday Spirit

Christmas is one of my favorite holidays. Time-wise it comes right after my favorite holiday Thanksgiving. With Christmas, the magic of the holiday comes for me, out of the amazing love story that is the basis of my worldview of Christianity. Other world religions main themes focus on people, striving after trying to reach God. With Christianity the theme is God reaching down to us humans by sending his Son, Jesus to sacrifice his life for us. The church we have been attending has had a message series, The Gift, and Jesus if the gift to us.

Along with the message of the story of Christmas the music adds to the Holiday Season. Music has always been important to my life and in the past years many of my blog posts focus in on music. So far this season there has been two standout musical experiences.

One Saturday in November my wife and I enjoyed morning coffee at a small town coffee shop in Seguin. While we were enjoying our coffee and scones an elderly gentleman came over to us and began to tell us of the upcoming Mid-Texas Symphony concert coming soon in December. He told us not to miss it. So along came December 15th and we went to the University Hall in Seguin. It was an uplifting concert. The concert began with The Christmas Festival by Anderson and ended with the popular Sleigh Ride by Anderson. Hearing those tunes reminded me of playing in my high school band in Barberton, Ohio playing those same songs at the Christmas concert back years ago. The symphony also played selections from the Nutcracker by Tchaikovsky. That brought back memories of seeing the Nutcracker ballet back when I lived in Chicago. Music is powerful in bringing back memories.

The following week I was looking on television for any Christmas specials and TBN was showing a Christmas special by Keith & Kristyn Getty. I had never heard of them before but I am glad we watched the special. They are from Ireland and the band that was with them played the Christmas carols with an Irish flair. Here is an example of their performing Joy Has Dawned/Angels We Have Heard On High (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibe5zRch8bU ). The performances made us wish we were live at the concert. It seems like they tour the US each Christmas season so we will look them up next year to go hear them.

Be it at a live concert, at home watching a special or driving along listening to Christmas music the songs of Christmas add joy to our inner spirit during the Holidays. I have been too busy to bake much this year, but the one evening while baking some cookies I had Christmas music of the Trans-Siberian Orchestra playing in the background. Listening to the music heightened the experience of Christmas baking for me.

During this Holiday Season add some music into your experience. You will note that it adds to a relaxation and inner joy. Music can also bring up pleasant memories from Holidays in the past.

Reflection: What is your favorite Christmas song? What has been your favorite musical experience this Holiday thus far? A community event? A school event? A church event?

Enjoy Small Towns at Christmastime

With a recent breakthrough on my PhD dissertation, I found myself with a desire to write again in my blog. After a stress-filled hiatus from writing here, I thought what topic do I write on? The topic came from a weekend getaway my wife and I did last week. We traveled for an overnight stay in Georgetown, Texas for their Christmas Stroll event. I have noticed here in Texas, many small towns have what they call the Christmas stroll where the downtown is decorated for Christmas and the townsfolk come out and enjoy the decorations and shop at the stores.

We arrived in Georgetown early on the Friday of the stroll and received a guided tour of the town library. The lady who gave us the tour, Teresa, is the person a month prior on another visit told us we had to come see the Georgetown square and the Christmas stroll was a must do experience. She is a volunteer at the Georgetown library and told us all about the National Medal for Museum and Library Service award the library won in 2018. She is probably their biggest cheerleader. Teresa exuded with passion for the library and for the city of Georgetown. The city has a beautiful library and I was glad to see all they are doing to promote reading to children and teens. The picture above this paragraph is a statue that someone had donated to the library.

Later that evening we enjoyed the Christmas stroll. The lights around the square were breathtaking. There was a festival atmosphere with a variety of booths with art and knick-knacks for sale. Of course there was a variety of foods available as well. A local church sponsored a Bethlehem section with displays set up and a live nativity scene that was captivating. A church member said they had done the Bethlehem scene at the Christmas stroll for about 13 years. It was a relaxing and enjoyable evening with just the right amount of chill in the air for a Texas Hill Country Wintry evening.

During the time on the town square we bumped into Teresa again so we strolled around together and she gave us insights into the history of the city. I later reflected to myself that if we had not met Teresa a month prior my wife and I would not be enjoying their beautiful town square event. I took this as a Godwink.

We stayed at the Olive Tree Inn there in Georgetown right across from Southwestern Texas University. It is a Bed & Breakfast of a rehabbed house that was built in the early 1900’s. The ladies that are the hostesses, Sandra and Eleanor, are so friendly and provide a gourmet home-style breakfast in the morning.

Sometimes with the stress of work and life you just need to get-away for even an overnight stay. I learned that during the holidays it adds joy to life to visit and experience small town America and join in with their holiday traditions.

Reflection: Is there a small town near you that you would enjoy to visit? Don’t put it off. Make time to go on a short enjoyable get-away.

A Man’s Dream to Change the World

Back in the 1980’s while working on my first Masters degree at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School, I had a mentor who introduced me to the writings of Dr. Shad Helmstetter. He suggested the book, What to Say When You Talk to Yourself. It is the best book on self-talk I have ever read. I often recommended it to clients over the years especially with those who had faulty thinking about themselves. I was also glad to see he recently updated it in an updated edition. A short time ago I came across a autobiography Dr. Helmstetter had written titled, The Boy Who Wanted to Change the World. I read it so I could gain insights from his life.
There are many standout items about his life that can be learned through his biography. One that comes up early on is that he was a believer in dreams and creating goals. Early on in his life he wrote down how he wanted to write a bestselling book. This was years before What to Say When You Talk to Yourself, and he did it.

He grew up in the Midwest in a Christian family with 6 siblings. He emphasized that his family always ate meals together which built an environment of communication. Both parents encouraged creativity. He says of this, “My father decided to never have a television in our home, and we never had one. That choice proved to be one of the greatest blessings to my childhood. Instead of sitting and watching television we had to be creative.” (page 12) This through his story can be seen as a background of his dreaming big of wanting early on to make an impact in the world.

He also shared how in the family, he and his siblings were encouraged to think well, so as to be critical thinkers. The encouragement of reading and learning to love music strengthened his thought life. Later when he went into Christian ministry, but then moved to psychology, thinking he may make a bigger impact in life, the importance of thinking stayed a stronghold in his life. Even in the writing of his aforementioned book Dr. Helmstetter emphasized that the thought from Romans 12:2 “be transformed by the renewing of your mind” is a foundation stone of his teaching on the power of positive self-talk.

In his young years as a teen he often worked in the fields and that experience taught him the importance of self-reflective thinking and having times of solitude. His going through the various phases of his life he tells stories along with what he personally learned from the happenstance events of his life. Reading his life story is a helpful reminder to keep open to learning moments in the events of our lives.
With his desire to get the message of the importance of self-talk out to people he shares the importance of thinking through what we say to ourselves. The importance we need to understand is that we can change our movie scripts. I like that analogy of our lives as a movie, which aligns well with narrative therapy, I have mentioned in the past. We can change by changing the negatives we tell ourselves to a realistic positive movement. I highly encourage people to read Dr. Helmstetter’s What to Say When You Talk to Yourself book and also his life story.

Reflection: What is a story moment in your life that you have learned lessons for your own growth? Look at your self-talk. What are you feeding your mind with in self-statements that you can change for the better?

Quieting the Noise of Anxiety

For anxious clients I have worked with over the years their inner lives are often all but quiet. Inner self-talk rattling off often irrational worries and negative self-beliefs keeps their minds noisy and their life restless. Coming across the book, Finding Quiet, by J.P. Moreland I felt it might be a practical tool for aiding those struggling with anxiety. After reading it I felt it was much more than that.

J. P . Moreland is the Distinguished Professor of Philosophy at Talbot School of Theology, Biola University in La Mirada, California. He is a Christian philosopher and apologist, who speaks globally about the Christian faith. I have never heard him in person but I have heard a number of his videos that are on Youtube concerning Christianity and Science, and videos about the Christian life. His speaking is impressive and exudes such confidence so when I read his book, Finding Quiet, I was surprised to read about his struggle with anxiety, panic attacks and depression. His book is a helpful guide on those mental health issues but the much more -- is his honest telling of his journey in overcoming mental health issues of anxiety showing the reality of a “thorn in the flesh” life struggle instead of a quickie Christian miracle.

Coming at life with a Christian worldview, I do believe Jesus is still in the miracle business yet in most of our lives our reality is God coming along aside our journey. Through the storms of life and our healings physically and mentally are often a process He helps us through. I share in the beginning sections of my book, Living More Than OK, of life difficulties that led to depression which took time to conquer and still pops up into my life. What I enjoyed about Finding Quiet, is that J. P. Moreland honestly shares his difficulties and the holistic manner of attack that has helped him live and flourish beyond anxiety.

I will touch on a few highlights of things that helped him in his battle with anxiety. I do encourage you to look for his book online in paperback and ebook. Also you can check with your local library as another way to find a copy of this enjoyable read.

One of the most important points he brings out in his book in the importance of self-compassion. I like how Moreland says it, “It’s actually all right with God if you are nice to yourself!” (page 56). In this section he brings out the truth of Jesus’ teaching in Mark 12:31 “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Then also Luke 6:31 “do to others as you would have them do to you.” We can’t be loving and compassionate to others if our self-talk is full of negative put downs on ourselves and we have no love for self. Of course Jesus is not telling us to go to the extreme of being narcissists. The truth rings true in listening to those being controlled by depression or anxiety their self-talk is often full of negativity towards themselves and their lives. I remember to this day much of the negatives I placed on myself during my past deep depression.

On self-compassion he brings out 4 points that should be heeded by all of us in how we treat ourselves. 1) adopting feelings and attitudes toward oneself that are not oppressive and harsh, 2) setting aside being inordinately self-judgmental…e.g. I am such a failure…, 3) not slandering and demeaning oneself, 4) not beating oneself up and demeaning oneself.” (pages 57&58). That piece of insight in and of itself is worth your time in reading his book.

Another point he brings out that is so helpful with anxious and depressed people is the importance of an attitude of gratitude. He mentions much of the research done by Dr. Emmons of UC Davis, who is a prolific researcher on gratitude. His studies have shown the mental and physical health benefits of being grateful. I often recommend the thankfulness journal idea which many have found helpful in reframing how they look at events in their daily lives. If we look for things in our daily lives to be grateful for, we can then see the sun rays often come through the cloudy events of difficulties in our day.

I also appreciated his thoughts on reframing our negative self-talk to positive and he brought out the concept of meditating on God’s word. Taking time to quietly reflect meditatively on God’s word is important in shaping our self-talk in a positive fashion. With client’s from a Christian worldview I often discuss meditating on verses of the Bible that relate to their concern or the use of meditating on the Psalms. With those of differing worldviews, (e.g. Buddhism, Hinduism, or Atheism), I encourage them to look at their religious tradition literature and meditate on thoughts from their traditional worldview. Mediation and learning to slow down is so important to quiet down the anxious mind.

These are just a few of the ideas Dr. J. P. Moreland provides in discussing his journey. I encourage you to read his journey to gain a fuller viewpoint on these point he makes as well as other ideas. As a Counselor I am thankful he encourages those truly struggling to seek professional help. He honestly shares experiences that show in the Christian community there is still stigmas about those seeking profession help with mental issues. I often tell my college students when a family member goes to a doctor for a broken ankle or an illness such as diabetes there is immediate support. “Oh my poor Uncle Joe, he is down with diabetes. How can we help him.” But let Uncle Joe go to a Psychiatrist for depression. “Hey did you hear Uncle Joe is off his rocker? He went to a shrink.” Thankfully there are people of Dr. Moreland’s stature who are honest and open to show there is nothing wrong with getting help for something like anxiety so he can continue to be more effective for God.

Reflection: What do you feel when you hear a friend or family member is dealing with depression or anxiety? Have you battled with any mental health concerns? Here is a link to one of my favorite Dr. Moreland videos on Youtube give it a listen is it is worth your time. It is titled Loving God With All Your Mind -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3pTZgiqcwM

Think on Truths about Marijuana Then Move to Natural Highs

In all my college teaching whether it was when I taught College Success courses or in my present teaching of General Psychology, I would bring up the topic of drug use in my lectures. In my counseling with teens often the subject of marijuana comes up. In those sessions I am often hearing how the lies from the media have taken over young minds. Many times I hear from the teens that marijuana is natural so it is good for you and it even cures cancer. Of course there is always the “everyone uses it” thought, that saddens me as the statistics don’t show that to be true. The truth is more like 8-10 percent (https://talbottcampus.com/marijuana-statistics/). As more states even here in Texas are jumping on the latest “snake oil” of marijuana is the wonder drug, I look for material that reveals the real truth to make young people think through the choices of drug use in their lives.

Recently I stumbled across a book by reporter and novelist, Alex Berenson. The book is entitled Tell Your Children: The Truth about Marijuana, Mental Illness, and Violence. (You can check out his book by clicking on the book title). In this non-fiction book Alex uses his journalistic skills to bring the facts to bear about marijuana. He looks at long range research studies in Europe, New Zealand and Australia that reveal correlations between marijuana and mental illnesses such as schizophrenia. He also discusses the increase of violent crimes that have increased in areas where marijuana has been legalized. He documents the evidence so a reader can check it out for themselves. That puts a clear hole in the false argument that marijuana is so safe.

As to the research studies on marijuana and mental illness, he uses his reporter mind to go into the details and shows how several similar studies in various parts of the world reveal the same correlational statistics on marijuana users and mental illness. Combining those research studies as well as the research and true stories of violent crime from marijuana users the book can come off as a little depressing when compared to the glowing reports of marijuana in many mainstream media reports. Alex at one point even was honest enough to share his research on the ill aspects of marijuana was depressing for him as he researched it. Yet though, it is an important book to force people to think about the realities of the drug marijuana that many want kept hidden in the closet. It is an important book to read from that standpoint.

Near the end of the book Alex writes: “Time is running short. Even as I write this book, the evidence that cannabis causes mental illness and violence is becoming stronger. New studies and new data have emerged. And even as I wrote this book, marijuana’s move towards legalization in the United States gained momentum.” (pg 222). More states and polls show more and more people are brainwashed into thinking marijuana as a miracle drug and safer than alcohol and cigarettes. Sad to say knowing human nature, many people won’t wake up until the body count increases. When they have loved ones who die because of marijuana then maybe the tide will turn. At the same time I am thankful there are reporters like Alex Berenson who are presenting the facts so people can make a reasoned choice.

For those who have followed my blog or read my book, Living More Than OK, (you can check out my book by clicking on the book title) you know I promote the non-profit group, Natural High, whenever I can. Their work is the basis of my chapter, “Aiming for Natural Highs”. While reading Tell Your Children, I thought of the work they do in trying to encourage young people to aim for natural high passions such as sports, music and the arts instead of drugs. If you are unfamiliar with their work check out their website: https://naturalhigh.org/ I often encourage my college students to build up positive habits they can be passionate about instead of smoking, drinking, or snorting substances to try to find happiness. Some of my natural highs are reading, music and clouds (notice the pictures I use this week).

Reflection: Take some time to listen to Alex speak on the topic of cannabis and mental illness on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7HvGoI5B7g What did you think of his talk? Reflect on your life and think about your hobbies and passions that are your Natural Highs. How do your natural highs impact the quality of your life? What shapes do you see in the pictures of the clouds?

Enjoying a Passion for Reading

Do you have a passion for reading? If so, there is a little book that can aid in your personal introspection concerning your positive habit of reading. The book is I’d Rather Be Reading by Anne Bogel. When I saw the title, I had to agree most of the time I would rather be reading. Anne Bogel is an writer and a passionate reader. She writes a blog -- Modern Mrs. Darcy inspired by a Jane Austen book. She also has a podcast entitled, What Should I Read Next? She definitely models a passion for reading with her life.

Her book covers many topics and has important insights into the reading life. Even starting in the Introduction I appreciated how she presented questions for readers to think through such as “When you turn to the written word, what are you looking for? What Themes speak to you? What sort of places do you want to vicariously visit? What types of characters do you enjoy meeting on the page?” These are important questions that can guide our selection of new reading options. She makes a good point that in our reading life it is important to think through questions that impact our reading habits.

I will touch on just a few of many points in the book that stood out to me. One of the most thought provoking sections was her thoughts on how books “find us”. She shared stories of several of her more memorable books she read and how those books came into her life. At the end of that chapter she closes with, “I’ve learned that sometimes, despite my best efforts, a book expectantly finds me and not the other way around. And when it does, it’s okay to reshuffle my To Be Read list and go with it.” I thought through in my life, books I have stumbled upon just at the time I needed them. I believe it is God in His mysterious way knowing what books are often best for us at the right time.

Another thought she brings out is how books help us see life through the lives of others. They open our eyes to new places. That thought took me back to my early reading years in my elementary school days in the small town of Barberton, Ohio. Books opened my mind to the larger world around me and to the diversity of people in the world. Part of my interest in traveling today I believe came about because of my early reading.

I fully agree with her thought that books shape who we are, “As a devoted reader, I know what it means for books to shape you – the person you are and the person you were then.” Various authors have had an impact on my life strengthening my beliefs and values. Books have helped shape my career trajectory of going into people helping professions of counseling and teaching.

I have just touched on a few ideas of many I found interesting in Anne’s book, I’d Rather Be Reading. It is a book that should be in the home of every passionate reader. Her thoughts will help inspire you to be deeper reader and a promoter of reading.

Reflections: How has reading shaped your life? Are there particular impactful books that came into your life at just the right time?