Break Through From Being Stuck

At times we feel we are stuck on a treadmill on our life journey. We are moving and becoming exhausted but as we look around we are in the same spot. Living More Than OK the idea behind my book by the same name encourages a life journey that spirals up into abundant living. The idea is about continually growing and moving higher up to new goals and purposes. That is not happening when we are stuck and exhausted.

I came across a book from Simple Truths that speaks to these times of being stuck. The book is Getting Unstuck: 10 Simple Secrets to Embracing Change and Celebrating Your Life. The authors, George and Sedena Cappannelli, are founders of Age Nation. They have a rich history in media and are motivational experts in the area of helping organizations and individuals deal with change.

Change – we all face it. Each day is a new change with new directions, challenges and opportunities. Just think of their subtitle though. How many of us are good with embracing change? We are more comfortable initially being stuck in the comfort of the knowable. Many wind up hiding in their comfort zone closet and miss out on the celebration that is waiting for them if they would step out and try new possibilities.

The book looks at 10 secrets they offer to help us break out of the comfort of the recliner of the comfortable knowns or the fear of the closet of the mundane routines we settle for in our lives. I will make a few comments on a few of the secrets that stood out to me the most. For the other 7 you will need to buy the book or request it at your local library.

1. Rules are made for the guidance of wise men and women.
2. Begin at the beginning.
3. Learn to say yes.
4. Build a strong and stable base.
5. Celebrate excellence.
6. Eliminate limiting beliefs and negative self-talk.
7. Connect, understand, and accept.
8. Worship spontaneity.
9. Take (almost) nothing seriously.
10. Become an instrument of grace and gratitude.

Secret 3 “Learn to say Yes” stood out to me first of all. Concerning this they say ”Where resistance , tension, and stubbornness are often the by-products of no; yes can become our gateway to openness, greater joy, and a rewarding and adventurous life.” (p,33). Often the no’s we say to ourselves keep us stuck as we fail to step out in faith to new opportunities and possibilities. How much do we miss out in life whether it is in meeting new people, helping someone, or a new opportunity for success when we are locked in fear with our saying no instead of saying yes.

With secret 6 which is “Eliminate limiting beliefs and negative self-talk.”, I believe it fits well with secret 3. Our negative thinking and false beliefs are often behind many of the no’s we tell ourselves. The negativity of our thinking keeps us stuck in our doubts about moving in an upward spiral to abundant living. They encourage in the book to be reflective and meditative in our thinking so we can mindfully be aware of the negativity filling our thought life. In doing so we can change the negative statements to positive thoughts that move us forward in vibrant living opportunities.

Secret 10 was another secret that stood out to me. That secret is stated as “Become an instrument of grace and gratitude.” One thought in this section is ”Your life is a gift, even with it’s most daunting challenges, difficult people, circumstances and significant changes.” (p. 100). When we are in stuck mode we are whining and complaining too much to view our lives as a gift of grace. We need to take time not just at this Thanksgiving season but throughout the year. Being grateful, helps to pull us out of being stuck to be open to new things to be thankful for. Here they mention one of my many favorite quotes, “If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough. “ (Meister Eckhart)

There was a wealth of information to reflect upon with the other 7 secrets. I focused on 3 in hopes to whet your mental appetite to seek out the book for yourselves. If you find yourself stuck in your life remember your Creator made you for more than sitting is a comfortable recliner or exhaustingly treading in one spot. Make this a time for a break through and become unstuck.

Reflection:

Think through a time of being stuck in your life. What did you learn about yourself and how did your break free? What did you think about the 3 secrets I presented from the book?

Life Wounds Can Be Bearers of Light

One myth about positive psychology is that it just focuses in on happiness and ignores the difficulties of life. That is so far from the truth. Yes it does provide research on happiness which of course is a good thing, as who does not want to be happy. Just think of it, even our Declaration of Independence speaks of happiness, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness….”. Still, positive psychology does speak to the illnesses and hurts that affect mankind. The principles they research can aid in overcoming hurts and wounds that are realities in our life journey.

I thought of this as I was listening to Switchfoot’s latest CD, Where The Light Shines Through. I want you to focus your attention to the lyrics of their title song. As always, first click on the title and listen to the video of the song

"Where The Light Shines Through" Switchfoot (click on the title to hear the song)

When you're feeling like an astronaut
Stuck on a planet even time forgot, and
You're a version of yourself, but you're not the same
You try to keep the wound camouflaged, and
The stitches heal, but the years are lost, and
Another bottle on the shelf can't numb the pain

Why're you running from yourself now?
You can't run away

Cause your scars shine like dark stars
Yeah, your wounds are where the light shines through
So let's go there, to that place where
We sing these broken prayers where the light shines through--
The wound is where the light shines through
Yeah, the wound is where the light shines through

Ain't we all just Abraham's son?
Saint and sinner with the song and drum, and
We're fallen on our knees, we all bleed the same
And the only tattoos I have are scars
I got your name written on my heart
And the story that brought us here ain't the thing that changed, no

I wanna see that light shining
Brighter than the pain

Cause your scars shine like a dark star
Yeah, your wounds are where the light shines through
So let's go there, to that place where
We sing these broken prayers where the light shines through
The wound is where the light shines through

Mama, ain't the blood just proof I'm human?
Mama, ain't the wound just retribution?
Well Mama, ain't the scar like a vision of grace?

The wound is where the light shines through
The wound is where the light finds you
The wound is where the light shines through
The wound is where the light finds you
Your scars shine like dark stars
Yeah, the wound is where the light shines through
It's where the light shines through
Yeah, yeah, it's where the light shines through
Yeah, the only time to our heart, oh oh
It's where the light shines through
Where the light shines, where the light shines through
Where the light shines though
It's where the light shines through

As I listened to the song I thought of times of wounds in my life. Back in Chicago there were wounds of hurtful relationships, memories of my mom’s death and oldest brother’s death. There were work difficulties and times of wondering what should be my direction in life. Over the years I have worked with students and in counseling practice I have observed many people’s life pains and wounds. The song speaks truth in that while we go through life wounds, we can feel as if we are outside of life like outer space as we experience pain because we know the pain is not where we are meant to keep living. You feel as if you are somewhere, where God has forgotten you. Some people hide the pain as I made mention in my book, Living More Than OK, some can smile and say “everything is OK while living in the pain”. Others turn to substances like drugs or alcohol, “Another bottle on the shelf can't numb the pain”. Like hiding they find substances do not help with the pain long-term.

The song encourages facing the pain and learning from the wounds that come into our lives. The lyric phrase “Well Mama, ain't the scar like a vision of grace?” to me points out that our wounds can be a turning point to learn more of God’s Grace in our lives. Letting the light shine though our wounds breaks the hold of life pains on us and bring us back to earth where we can serve others who are hurting.

The song writer reminds us that we are all fellow brothers and sisters who each have our own wounds and scars. As we let the light shine through we can learn to grow in our lives and learn to be better people helpers to those around us. I have met people who after the fact are thankful for the tough times they went through as they became stronger in their life journey because of the difficulties and wounds they faced. As I look back of course I did not enjoy in the moment, my life difficulties but they have helped in serving college students as I can be real with them about what they will face in their futures. The past difficulties have been helpful in serving counseling clients, as I can encourage those hurting that the light will shine through in their lives if they do not give up.

Reflection: Think through some of your wound times in your life. In looking back do you see some light shining through that you learned from? How have the hardships and difficulties in your life journey made you a better person today?

Think and Use Your Brain in This Presidential Election

I try to stay away from politics in my blog. Work and school research has been so busy I have not written recently. Also recently the election has worn me down as I see the possible increase in problems for the country if Hillary gets elected. So I thought this week I would focus in on critical thinking, which I am a believer in the importance of it and how it relates to the election.

I remember back in the primaries Dr. Ben Carson kept using a phrase “Use your brain and think for yourself”. Dr. Carson was our favorite in the primary race, (as you know over the years I have mentioned him often in my blog). We as a family felt he was the sound rational thinker to help turn the country around. His thought that the politicians are the problem is one concept that tapped into my thinking. When he dropped out Mr. Trump was the only real pragmatic outsider left. It helped us to see Dr. Carson be supportive of Mr. Trump.

What has disgusted me about this race is that people are not using sound thinking in looking at the candidates. Listen and think of what you hear from Hillary supporters. They cannot tell you one good thing Hillary has done for the country in her 30 years of living off the taxpayers. Instead all they do is say trashy and nasty things about Mr. Trump. Their statements are all based on negative emotions instead of thinking.

Facts and solid thinking are on the side of Mr. Trump. From the beginning he has been solid on the need for strong borders. Knowing that the Border Patrol and ICE has endorsed Mr. Trump is important to think about as who knows more about the border’s needs than these professionals. Hillary’s supporter’s counter with lies that Mr. Trump said all Mexicans were killers and rapists. This is a lie as you can go back to the tapes and see he never said “all”. There are many Hispanics who are voting from Mr. Trump but you would never know by listening to the media. The facts show Mr. Trump was and is right -- just one clear example was the death of Kate Steinle; shot by an illegal immigrant while out walking with her father. Mr. Trump is right that we don’t have a country if we do not have a border. In the Summer we went to Big Bend National Park and one trail was by the Rio Grande river. There they posted warning signs to not enter Mexico illegally or face fines and prison. Think about it!

Probably the most disturbing thought I have about Hillary becoming President is her pathological lying. My best example that makes me livid goes back to her lies over Benghazi. In my book, Living More Than OK, in the chapter on critical thinking I discuss her lies about the 4 brave Americans who died in Benghazi. The facts show that she did not listen to the Ambassador’s hundreds of request for more help. Then worse yet, lied to the faces of the families of the killed 4 brave heroes in front of the coffins telling them they would get the YouTube video guy! Facts from emails prove she texted her daughter and leaders of Egypt and Libya that it was a terrorist attack before she told those lies to the families. That lie is more than pathetic it is sick. With their blood on her hands, she should not even be allowed to run for president.

Mr. Trump has discussed details of his 100 day plan to show how to build our defense, return jobs, and Make America Great again ( by the way what is so bad about that phrase??- think about it). All Hillary does in her few speeches, when she has energy to go to a rally, is to say lies about Mr. Trump and give out the regular empty promises politicians have been saying for years – 30 years in her case. As Mr. Trump has said – what has she done in those 30 years except get rich? Think about it.

Wikileaks and Project Veritas have shown proof of the corruption and the collusion with the mainstream media that has made me sick about this election. Every voter needs to watch some of the Project Veritas videos and think about what the truth is about Hillary Clinton. I remember Watergate and the Nixon administration. The corruption of Hillary and Bill makes Nixon look like a choir boy.

I could go on forever as there are so many positive reasons to vote for Mr. Trump. One of the most important reasons to think about is the Supreme Court. A president is there for 4 maybe 8 years but the next president will appoint 2-4 Supreme Court justices who will affect the next generation. Voters need to think about what kind of Supreme Court do they want? A court that honors the Constitution like the candidates Mr. Trump has announced or a court that legislates from the bench that Hillary wants. Think about it.

As the election is close it is hard to know what will happen. I fear for the country as the media is worse than any media under communist regimes. They are not reporting objectively instead they are slanting the news in favor of Hillary’s lies so as to brainwash the voters. WikiLeaks and Project Veritas have proven the media is in collusion with Hillary. Even going back to Hillary versus Bernie; Bernie would have won the primary if it was not for the media. Going back to Dr. Carson’s statement I list at the beginning. If the voters use their brains and think then Mr. Trump will win and the country can move forward out of the mess of the past 8 years. If lies and corruption continue to blind non-thinking voters then Hillary will win and the country will basically continue on a spiral down to further destruction.

Reflection: What are you basing your vote on- blind emotion or critical thinking? Have you looked into the facts from Wikileaks or Project Veritas?

Growth Mindset and Positive Emotions To Keep On Going

This semester of teaching is going by so fast. Part of this fastness perception was trying to get my college teaching classes off to a good start while ending a quarter of my dissertation work. With the dissertation it was a Summer quarter of trying to gain final approval on my research. There were items out of my control giving me grief and stress so it was hard to keep a positive front to my college students with my own educational stress was making my self-talk want to throw in the towel.

Thankfully as the quarter ended I did finally gain full approval for my research. So in the near future I hope to run my research study. So I realized I need to keep a mindset of growth to keep on going on the dissertation marathon.

Early on in each semester I go over in my college success courses the importance of Mindset based on the work of Dr. Carol Dweck. I was grateful this year in our pre-semester adjunct professor training to be affirmed in emphasizing this to students. At our training this year the guest speaker was Dr. Janet Nay Zadina. She was a former teacher and now an educational neuroscientist. I have gone to these mandatory training for years and she was the most noteworthy presenter I have heard. Listening to her I could feel her passion for education. She was not there to just pick up a speaker’s paycheck. Instead she wanted to instill the importance of helping college students grow in successful ways.

I was lucky in the drawing at the final morning session as I won a copy of her book, Multiple Pathways to the Student Brain and the corresponding workbook. It is an effective resource for educators on best practices to help students learn based on the most recent neuroscience research.

The most important aspect from her session and in her book for me was the emphasis on encouraging students to understand growth versus fixed mindset early in the school year or semester. Dr. Zadina pointed out that the growth mindset allows the student to break free from the fixed thinking of “I just can’t do it” or “That’s not the way I am”. Often those students struggling with math or writing will say statements like that which become self-fulfilling prophecies in math and English courses. Or the student that does poorly in Speech will say “I can’t speak in public”.
When students understand the growth mindset that they have the ability to grow in every area of their lives it frees them up from the negativity. This then allows them to obtain better abilities in all areas of academics as well as other areas of life.

Another area in the book and her presentation that stood out to me was the need to emphasize positive emotions. So many struggling students are bound up by negative beliefs and a victim mentality. By emphasizing positive emotions such as gratitude, confidence, enthusiasm, inspiration and awe they often can move in a positive direction in re-framing their mindset about their possible success in their academics in college.

As a therapist as well, I see many personal problems are caused by people being bound up by negative emotions such as frustration, jealousy, despair and envy. When they move over to a habit of allowing positive emotions control their lives they are more likely to overcome problems such as anxiety and depression.

I had to deal with this myself as I was frustrated with gaining research approval so I could move forward with my dissertation. It is easy to let negativity and the “maybe I should give up mentality” take over. But I did not give into that and kept pressing on and finally approval came. Granted too late to do the research this semester on my time line. Overlooking that, I simply created a new timeline starting with the January semester. So I will keep on with my dissertation marathon and continue to encourage my college students to focus on growth in their lives as well.

Reflection: Examine your reactions to life – are you guided more by negative emotions or positive emotions? How can you build up your positive emotions more in your daily life?

Promoting and Supporting Reading

As Summer nears an end and the school year begins it is important to keep reading strong throughout the school year. Although I cover a wide variety of topics in my blog one of my personal favorites is promoting reading. Last post I discussed libraries and this one I am showcasing an organization I have been following on Facebook for a number of months. It is the group, Reading Is Fundamental. On their website they say this about their group: “For 50 years, Reading Is Fundamental has used its experience and expertise to motivate and inspire young children to read. It’s not just the books we distribute that make an impact. Our evidence-based program, Read for Success, helps children improve reading proficiency and combat summer learning loss – a contributing factor to the achievement gap.”

Their website, to explore what they are all about is-- rif.org and I would encourage you to explore all they do as an organization to promote reading on their website. What I like about following them on Facebook is that they daily list important quotes about reading and relevant articles about reading.

Education is important for the success of each individual and reading is foundational for educational progress. On their website at the present time they have some challenging statistics to consider. Think about these stats: 65% of 4th graders do not read on grade level; 8,000 high school students drop out every day; and 80% of low income children are at the risk of falling behind in school. If you think about it; reading touches on each of those issues. Reflect on the lost potential in improving our country and personal lives and dreams of young people through the reality of those statistics. Working on the college level, I see the struggles in students at that level because of a lack of passion and interest in reading which is foundational in college study. It looks like society is faced with a large problem.

But when I see on the RIF homepage “Since 1966, RIF has distributed more than 412 million books to 40 million children nationwide, improving their ability to read, learn and grow.” I see RIF as an organization that is part of the solution in their encouraging of reading. Under their Facts section I found out that “RIF was founded in Washington, D.C. in 1966 by Margaret McNamara when she was tutoring young boys and learned they did not own books.” It is amazing the impact one person with a dream can have. I am sure when she started the program she never thought years later that 412 million books would have been donated.

In their Tips and Resources section they have a wide variety of articles on topics such as motivating kids to read, choosing good books, reading aloud, Summer learning and resources of teachers. Parents may also appreciate their activity calendars for the various ages of children. Check these out at this link - http://www.rif.org/books-activities/calendars/ there are reading ideas and creative learning ideas.

Another item I appreciate about liking them on Facebook is they link to important articles about reading such as this one on the importance of conquering illiteracy - http://www.educationandcareernews.com/learning-tools/access-to-books-is-critical-to-ending-illiteracy

I encourage you if you are a Bookhead like me, check out RIF’s webpage as well as liking them on Facebook. Also tell teachers you know about RIF’s services in promoting reading in the school.

Reflection: How can you encourage reading in your sphere of influence? Think about how RIF was begun by one person, Margaret McNamara, wanting to meet a need for young people’s need for reading. What does that say about the power of one.

Bookheads Appreciate and Support Libraries

As an avid Bookhead I appreciate the importance of libraries. The local public library was where the love of reading first began for me. Over the years libraries have been perfect places for focused study when I was a college student. Just roaming through the bookstacks gave me new ideas of topics to study and learn. From my past experience I have always been thankful for libraries.

With my interest in books and libraries it was while I was searching for books about books I stumbled upon a book entitled, The Artist’s Library. The authors are Erinn Batykefer and Laura Damon-Moore. The book was a pleasant and insightful read as I enjoy reading about people’s passions. As librarians their passion for books and the services of libraries were evident in the pages of their book.

The book is a creative outflow of a project the two authors were involved with called the Library as Incubator. They interviewed people in the art world, such as writers, artists, performance artists, using a question “What does the phrase, ‘library as incubator’ mean to you?” (p. 15). The book highlights throughout the text some of the participants in the project and their thoughts concerning libraries. One example of an initial response by an artist is this: “An incubator is a warm place that encouraged things to come to life. Information is the seed from which one grows. Information informs our work. Interaction with other users and librarians cross-pollinate our ideas and passions…” (p. 15). What an insightful thought on a purpose for the library experience. I could have read a book of just responses like that one, but the authors provide an interplay of the various artists thoughts with practical descriptions of the important services libraries provide for the public.

There was much I learned about libraries from reading The Artist’s Library as well as reaffirming my own thoughts from my experience over the years with libraries. Some of the artists shared how their time in libraries opened new possibilities in their minds for projects they were working on as well as future projects. Possibility making is one aspect why I encourage students to explore libraries for new topics to expand their thinking about life and their journeys through life.

The ideas in the book show that the library is more than just a place to find books to read, even though that is my favorite part of libraries. They remind that libraries are a place to find information for research, many libraries provide monthly programs on important issues and topics, and they also often showcase display works of art for patrons to enjoy. There is so much a library provides a community if you take time to explore your local library.

Another aspect of the book I enjoyed is that they provide interactive reflections for the reader. For example this one here: “Think back to the first library you ever visited. Write about or draw moments from that experience.” (p. 55) For myself that reflection took me in my mind back to the children’s section of the Barberton Public Library, in my hometown in Ohio. My first remembrance was for the Summer reading program. I remember the colorful posters and all the books on the display racks and shelves. That experience was the start of my Bookhead journey of enjoying reading.

After reading the book I checked out their website about the book :
www.libraryasincubatorproject.org/?p=13166 I encourage you to visit their website as the story of the project continues. The book was published in 2014. If you click on the link and then click on the various headings – artists, writers, performing arts you will find more stories of artists thoughts on the importance of libraries since their initial work in 2014.

I recommend The Artist’s Library, to anyone who enjoys reading and libraries. It should be mandatory reading for librarians to continue their passion for their career choice. The book provides a deeper understanding and appreciation for the importance of libraries. Do not be a stranger to your local library. Take advantage of all the resources there.

Reflection: Think through why are libraries important to you? What are your favorite memories about libraries? Feel free to leave a comment.

Helping Heroin Addicts Heal and Thrive

This week I was planning on continuing thoughts on reading in the Summer until I heard Senator Rob Portman from Ohio on a news show about his Anti-Heroin Bill. He was discussing the travesty of ruined lives and negative impact on families and society from the scourge of heroin addiction. I was glad to see that his bipartisan bill, The Comprehensive Addiction & Recovery Act (S. 524) was passed 94-1.

In the report on the bill passage the purpose is stated to:

•Expand prevention and educational efforts—particularly aimed at teens, parents and other caretakers—to prevent the abuse of opioids and heroin and to promote treatment and recovery.

•Make naloxone more widely available to law enforcement agencies and other first responders to help in the reversal of overdoses to save lives.

•Provide resources to promptly identify and more effectively treat incarcerated individuals suffering from addiction disorders.

•Increase the number of disposal sites for unwanted prescription medications to keep them out of the hands of our children and adolescents.

•Launch an evidence-based opioid and heroin treatment and interventions program and promote treatment best practices throughout the country.

•Strengthen prescription drug monitoring programs to help states monitor and track prescription drug diversion and to help at-risk individuals access services.

(From -- www.portman.senate.gov/public/index.cfm?p=press-releases&id=642FECC3-DF06-4D8D-8E21-A54624B7F347 )


In my book, Living More Than OK, I share the importance of seeking natural highs instead of quick drug induced highs. Drugs like heroin offer a quick get away from the problems of life and quick good feelings which our impulsive society pushes on young people. What is hidden from young people is the downward spiral into larger problems that occur through drug use.

In my book I promote a group out of California called Natural High. I promote it in my blog as well. I will again do a shout out about it now. I have used their website naturalhigh.org with counseling teen clients who are becoming involved with drugs. Their videos of successful people who enjoy a natural high is often eye opening to them. I use their videos as well with my college students. Again it opens eyes up to that there is more to enjoying life than ingesting drugs.

Check out this video from their site about one of my favorite bands, Switchfoot. Here is the link -- http://naturalhigh.org/video/switchfoot-grammy-award-winner-2-2/ . In the video the lead singer Jon Foreman reminds us that Natural Highs are not about saying no to drugs but saying yes to positive passions in one’s life. This reminds me of Dr. William Glasser’s concept of positive addictions. In his writings Dr. Glasser reminded us that it is not good enough to help someone stop a negative addiction but instead to find a positive addiction for the person to inculcate into their lifestyle. I also like Drew’s comment of how no one on drugs will say drugs were the best decision in my life. When I went to 12 step program when I volunteered at a drug center in Brownsville no one praised how being addicted to drugs helped them and their families. Instead they shared personal pain and family pain drugs had caused.

I am thankful for resources across the country that are dedicated to help those who are battling drug addiction. One I would like to mention is The Ranch at Clear Springs near Waco, Texas. Their website is www.clearspringsranch.com You can look at their website to see the services such centers provide. Every state has such centers and they need to be promoted for their help of people struggling with addiction. I wanted to give Clear Springs a shout out as the Director is Kito Holtzman, who I was privileged to have as a professor when I took my Drug Counseling course for my Masters in Counseling, at University of Texas at Brownsville, (now University of Texas Rio Grande Valley). Kito had and still has a passion for helping alcohol and drug addicts stop the downward spiral so they can spiral up to a better life.

Going back to the Portman bill it is good to see when politicians get it right. I just hope the follow through from Washington, helps in a practical manner. We all though need to be involved in promoting natural highs to help end the scourge of drugs on our country. If you know school counselors let them know about the organization, Natural High. If you have family or friends struggling with addiction let them know they can find treatment centers to be of help in moving in a positive direction.

Reflection: What is your natural high? You can have more than one. Mine are reading, music, and hiking. Watching the Natural High videos is there a new natural high you would like to try out?