Lessons In Learning How To Fly

This past weekend I took my wife to hear one of her favorite music duos –Tuck and Patti. It was at One World Theatre in Austin, Texas. If you are ever visiting Austin check to see if they are having a concert. They always have a great lineup of artists. It is a small, warm and welcoming venue where you get a great feel for the artists no matter where you are seated.
The concert was phenomenal. Patti is a pure embodiment of joy. Her voice from low tones to high tones is so smooth and clear. She captures the emotions found in each song they sing. Tuck is a guitar virtuoso. Guitar is my favorite instrument so it was a joy to see an artist who was definitely in flow with his guitar.

Here is one of their songs they played near the beginning of the concert. Take a listen to them by clicking on the title of the song.

Learning How To Fly by Tuck and Patti (click on title to hear song)

When your heart is low feel the breezes blow
It's all right you just take your time
There's no hurry now that you're on your way
When you're learning how to fly
No more wandering 'round, step up off the ground
You will find you can glide on by
There's a magic place that is just for you
When you're learning how to fly
Chorus:
You've always known that this was not your home
You've been longing for that place
Where you would not feel so all alone
Well now that time has come for you to fly away
Just breathe on in then breathe on out
And you'll be on your way
Watch the ocean rise, say your sad good-byes
Don't be shy, go ahead and cry
There's a light to guide and you're really on your way
Now you're learning how to fly
Now you are flying, rising, floating
Sailing on this blissful ocean
Everything you've always wanted now
Learning how to fly

Freedom comes while you are soaring
Far away from cares and longing
Take this moment, open up your eyes
You're learning how to fly

Repeat chorus

You are higher now, feeling lighter now
So much joy, you just have to go
Feel the greatest love that you've ever ever known
When you're learning how to fly

You are higher now, feeling lighter now
So much joy, you just have to go
Feel the greatest love you have ever known
When you're learning how to fly
Now you're learning how to fly
You are learning how to fly

Listening to the song I thought of a saying by C. S. Lewis, “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” A part of this life in my thoughts is preparing to fly to another realm that C. S. Lewis speaks of. What is ahead on that journey speaks of God’s love in my thoughts and my worldview.

Also as we travel through this life we fly from life passage to life passage. Part of maturity is learning to fly through the time points in our lives. Some of those time points are sad and some are full of joy. I find it important to learn to let go of the weightiness of life cares and concerns to fly lighter and higher to realms of joy.

During a couple of Tuck and Patti’s songs in their concert-- Castles in the Sand and Time After Time; I reminisced back to my days living in Chicago. I savored back to memories of listening to my musical friends, Keryn Moriyah and Lia McCoo in Northside Coffee Houses. Lia’s voice is similar to Patti and Keryn in many songs played a jazzy folk style I enjoyed listening to so much.

One of my favorite thoughts from the concert was when Patti shared an idea to listen back to favorite songs from your past and listen for new gems within the songs. She is so right. I have had that experience many times of listening to songs I enjoyed in the past, and depending where I was at in my life journey the song can take on a whole new meaning. As we traveled home from the concert, my wife and I reflected on that thought in that we heard them last year when they came to Austin and this concert had a totally different feel than the previous year.

If you ever get the chance to hear Tuck & Patti in concert make it a point to do so. Their music is full of positive energy to enhance your enjoyment of living.

Reflection: What does learning to fly mean to you? Look up and old favorite song of yours on YouTube and listen to it. How do you experience that favorite song in the here and now of the present?

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy and The Mind

Last week I was looking at the power of music for positive effects in our lives. So I thought I would zero in on a song this week. It is another song by Amy Grant off her How Mercy Looks From Here – CD. I want to focus in on the importance of the initial lines of the song. The words relate so well with self-fulfilling prophecy from our self-talk; that defeats us keeping us away from an abundant life. Self-fulfilling prophecy is when we allow our thoughts from our self-talk take over and the results are what we have been feeding our mind. For example let’s say a person is dreading a meeting at work on Monday. He keeps repeating to himself that something terrible is going to happen. Low and behold at the meeting things do not go well for him and afterwards he states, “I knew something bad was going to happen today”. That is self-fulfilling prophecy in action.

Click on the title of the song to listen to Amy Grant sing the song and focus in on the beginning lyrics.

"Not Giving Up" Amy Grant

If you think you're gonna fail Well, you're probably gonna fail
So tell me, what was all the dreaming for? And if you think you're gonna lose
Well, you're probably gonna lose So what's the point in trying anymore?

What you're looking for, you'll find It happens every time

I'm not giving up, Not giving up on you
You can say you've had enough But I won't stop calling,
I'm not giving up, Not giving up on you, Not giving up on you

When your fragile heart is breaking And your confidence is shaken
I can tell you that we've all been there before The first step is hard to take
But it's a choice you gotta make When life is waiting through that open door

I wish that you could see The way you look to me

I'm not giving up, Not giving up on you
You can say you've had enough But I won't stop calling,
I'm not giving up, Not giving up on you, Not giving up on you

Oh, not so long ago, You pulled me through

So I'm not giving up, Not giving up on you
Even if the rain comes down And your sky is falling
I'm not giving up, Not giving up on you
You can say you've had enough But I won't stop calling,
I'm not giving up, Not giving up on you
You know we can work this out If we just keep talking
I'm not giving up, Not giving up on you , Not giving up on you

Cause is you think you have a chance, Then you really have a chance
I hope you know that I believe in you

The opening lines of the song discuss the mental choices of negativity that many choose to repeat in their self-talk – “I’m gonna fail or I’m gonna lose”. If the mind is filled with that type of mindset a negative result will occur. I have seen it time and time again in the lives of students and clients. The descriptor words we feed our minds do have an impact. The question at the beginning of the song can be heard from people who allow negative self-talk to control their minds. So what's the point in trying anymore? So people give up and choose to just exist with OK living and spiral down in to further negativity. Their confidence continues to weaken as the see negative results in their lives totally unaware that it all goes back to the self-fulfilling prophecy of the negatives they are feeding their minds with.

That is why it is so important to take time to think through what we are saying to ourselves. The self-talk we feed our minds with have a direct correlation to the outflow of our choices and actions. That is what is important about the line “But it's a choice you gotta make When life is waiting through that open door.” We need to make choices about what we want in and of our lives each day and in the future. We can only spiral up to abundant, living more than OK, living by having a positive mindset that comes from feeding our minds with positive self-talk. Making the use of positive self-affirmations, positive quotes, scriptural promises are what can create the mindset that can give us powerful wise choices that improve our lives for the better. Dr. William Glasser in his book Choice Theory states, “When you learn that you are almost always free to make better choices, the concept that you choose your misery can lead to optimism. This new awareness is a major redefinition of your personal freedom.” (Page 77)

What the song is getting at relates to the Dr. Glasser quote in that through our choices we can change the self-fulfilling prophecy. We do not have to continually fail or lose all the time. We all will fail at times as that is one way we learn. But changing the mindset to that there is a chance for success moves us towards having more opportunities to have more success in our overall life.

Of course a larger point in the song is that it also helps to have those around us who build us up by never giving up on us. There is a sense of reciprocity in the phrase “Oh, not so long ago, You pulled me through”. As others help us we need in turn to help others not to give up. Why I stressed the beginning lines is, yes, it is good to have others believe in us. But bottom line, you can have a group of people who believe in you, but if you do not believe in yourself nothing will change. We each need to be in charge of making right choices to make positive changes.

Reflection: What kind of mindset is guiding your choices – positive or negative? Do you have a friend or friends in your life that do not give up on you? Where does God fit into the picture of not giving up?

Positive Impacting Music To Live More Than OK

I was doing research on aggression for a class in my PhD program a week ago and my focus was to see the relation between music and aggression. I chose that because I believe music is a powerful force. It is one activity many people of all ages enjoy. Occasionally I will run into someone who hates music but most people either love music or at least enjoy it. When it comes to music should we be careful to what we listen to? I believe there are positives and negatives in most facets of life and to live the best life possible we should feed our mind with that which is the most positive. Today I want to share some of my thoughts on the importance of positive music as well as some of the information from various research.

I first began to think of just instrumental music and its effect experientially on people. A study out of Germany (Krahe & Bieneck. 2012) looked at how music affects the mood of listeners. They used two groups of listeners one listening to hardcore techno music and the other group listened to calm relaxing classical music. Those who listened to the heavy techno music did have higher levels of feelings of aggression and tension after listening. Those who listened to the calmer music had less tension and lower aggression levels. So this showed how even just the style of music may have an effect on emotional responses to those hearing the music. So, just the music alone has a physical effect on the listener. This does not mean listening to heavier beat music will turn someone violent as there are other factors. Actually when I am busy on organizing material or driving I prefer faster tempo music to keep my mind focused. Yet when needing to rest I prefer classical or smooth jazz.

One concern I have is the high levels of alcohol and drug abuse in our culture. A relevant study on music and substance abuse looked at various music styles and substance abuse among the listeners (Chen, Miller, Grube, & Waiters, 2006) . They found a high level of lyrical content about drugs, alcohol and violence in rap and heavy rock music songs. An interesting point that stood out to me is that with rap music many of the artists promote malt liquor and it just so happens in the study the highest use of malt liquor was among listeners of rap music. I am concerned about this as I am a big believer in the work of the organization Natural High. They seek to encourage school age students to think of natural ways to be high instead of using drugs and alcohol. Their website is naturalhigh.org. There are too many lives destroyed due to drugs and alcohol and there are so many positive ways to enjoy life instead of the phony myths that promote drugs as a good thing.

There was also a study of the negative effects of rap with College males using rap music (Barongan and Hall 1995). They used two groups one listening to positive rap that looked at social justice issues. The other group listened to sexual aggressive rap that spoke of women in a negative light. The participants were then to view video clips to share with a female confidant of the study. Those who listened to the positive rap leaned towards showing a video clip that was neutral to the female confidant participant. Those who listened to the sexual violent rap were more inclined to show the female participant in the study a video that was sexually demeaning. These researchers felt that the results backed up other studies in the literature that sexually violent rap does lead to a tendency towards negative views and aggression towards women. I have many college students in my classes, who list rap and hip hop as their favorite music style. This is disconcerting when I hear what they are filling their minds with lyrically. It reminds me of the old computer programming phrase, “Garbage In, Garbage Out!”. I tried a search for positive rap artists and none of the famous artists show up. That is because most of their rap songs are garbage promoting a demeaning view of women or promoting violence. . It would be nice to reach a point in the world, when all the women and men with critical thinking skills would walk out of a rap concert when the rappers start one of their derogatory misogynous songs, leaving the rappers standing in an empty concert hall all by themselves.

I am not encouraging censorship as I believe in the constitutional right of free speech. What I encourage people to do is think about what they listen to and support musicians that promote positive music to impact our living the best life possible. Here are some of my favorite musicians that I find as being very positive:

Phil Keaggy -- www.philkeaggy.com An amazing guitarist and singer/songwriter

Keiko Matsui -- www.keikomatsui.com My favorite smooth jazz pianist

Tom Braxton -- www.tombraxton.com Fantastic Saxophonist!

Switchfoot -- www.switchfoot.com A band introduced to me by a former TSTC student. They write songs that make one think about life and the afterlife.

Matthew West -- matthewwest.com A very inspiring singer/songwriter/storyteller

Lecrae -- www.lecrae.net A rapper who is trying to make a difference with rap music.


Reflection – Who are musicians and music styles that you like and find very positive? Check out a couple of the websites I list above and try out some new music.

References
Barongon, C. & Hall, G.C. N. ( 1995). The influence of misogynous rap music on sexual aggression against women. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 19. 195-207

Chen, M., Miller, B.A., Grube, J.W. & Waiters, E.D. Music, substance abuse, and aggression. Journal of Studies on Alcohol, May, 2006


Krahe, B. & Bieneck, S. ( 2012). The effect of music-induced mood on aggressive affect, cognition and behavior. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 42. 271-290.

Running After Your Dream

I always like to start the New Year looking at dreams I have had in the previous year and looking at new dreams I want to move towards in the new year. I am a believer in dreams as they are a motivator in living a more than ok life. Writer, Sara Henderson had this to say about dreams, “Always live your life with one dream to fulfill. No matter how many of your dreams you have realized in the past, always have a dream to go. Because when you stop dreaming, life becomes a mundane existence.” So how do you wish to start the New Year? Just existing or Living More Than OK?

I want to look at running after our dreams by reflecting over a song by Tom Petty, “Runnin Down A Dream”. If we are a dreamer we need to be active in following the dream process. We can’t sit passively waiting for life to happen to us, otherwise we will find time passing us by. Take a few minutes to look over the lyrics and listen to the embedded video


"Runnin' Down A Dream" by Tom Petty (click on the title to hear the song’s video)
It was a beautiful day, the sun beat down
I had the radio on, I was drivin'
Trees flew by, me and Del were singin' little Runaway
I was flyin'

Yeah runnin' down a dream
That never would come to me
Workin' on a mystery, goin' wherever it leads
Runnin' down a dream

I felt so good like anything was possible
I hit cruise control and rubbed my eyes
The last three days the rain was un-stoppable
It was always cold, no sunshine

Yeah runnin' down a dream
That never would come to me
Workin' on a mystery, goin' wherever it leads
Runnin' down a dream


I rolled on as the sky grew dark
I put the pedal down to make some time
There's something good waitin' down this road
I'm pickin' up whatever's mine
Yeah runnin' down a dream
That never would come to me
Workin' on a mystery, goin' wherever it leads
Runnin' down a dream


The beginning of the song gives a picture of someone driving down the highway with the radio blaring and he is singing along with the old 1960’s song “Runaway” by Del Shannon. I don’t know if you are a singer in the car. I can relate to this picture as many times when I am driving by myself I am singing to the music I have on. Often back in my college days of driving between Chicago and Ohio I would also use this time to think about life and plans I had and this appears to be happening in the story of this song.

Back to the idea of our dreams, the chorus states, “runnin down a dream that never would come to me”, goes to the thought that we must be active in the process. The dream will never come to us -- we need to work on it for it to come to fruition. A passive person who is not involved with life will not see their dreams fulfilled. We have to put the pedal down and start moving for what we want out of life. We need to create a goal out of the dream and make plans on how to achieve it.

The song also says “workin on a mystery, goin’ wherever it leads.” To me this relates to how sometimes our dreams change by events and Divine Intervention. Life is a mystery at times and if we are in step with God as we travel it we can marvel at the mystery and go with the flow of life. Sometimes that mysterious flow moves us right into our dream as we envisioned it. Sometimes there are the 3 days of rain and the dark skies mentioned in the song. In those times if we let go and let God lead; the dream result turns out better than we could ever imagine.

I like the attitude seen in the line, “There’s something good waitin’ down this road”. We need to start the year with a positive attitude that God will have good things in store in this year’s journey. It is easy to be negative by looking at the news of the troubles in our country and world. But the negativity of the news will only shut you down with passivity from runnin towards your dreams.

Reflection: Write down a new dream you want to run towards this year. Maybe take a drive and sing along with a song and a new dream may pop into your head that way. Also keep an open mind to God’s mysteries He may have in store this year on your life journey.

Improving Your Attitude Is Important In Living More Than OK

What is it that shapes our outlook on each day and our future? How can several people experience the same event and have totally different feelings and ideas about it? One person looks at a rainy day as a terrible nuisance and another thinks it is helpful for the plants and nature or enjoys it as a great day to relax and read, (my personal favorite). This shaper of our mental outlook is our attitude. We all have an attitude all the time. The problem is what kind of attitude do we carry around with us?

There is a motivational company called Simple Truths that promotes positive books on a variety of topics. They also have short motivational videos that are very uplifting to the spirit and can help think over better ways to live our lives. I want to share with you one that is on the topic of Attitude. Before we progress further take a moment and click on the below title and watch the video:

Attitude Is Important (Click on Title)

There are too many uplifting ideas in this video to expound on in this short blog post. I just want to touch on a few that meant the most to me as I watched it. The first is what I think most of us relate to when considering attitude. Stay Positive. A positive attitude is so important to living the best life possible. I often ask college students in lecture who would you rather hang around with? Someone with a positive attitude towards life or a negative attitude? Always the response is the desire to be with a positive attitude person. There is always the rare wise aleck student that states they enjoy negativity.

To have the best life possible, we need to as the video states, have an attitude that “Expects the Best”. If we expect the best, that attitude motivates us to do our best to get what we desire. To go for our dreams and reach our goals we need to have that expectation of the best to fully reach them. Listen to testimonials of sport stars and musicians you will often catch that “expecting the best attitude” in their talk. This drives their discipline to be the best. We each can use that attitude in achieving what we each are passionate about.

Attitudes are relational as they affect how we relate to those around us. The thought in the video about an attitude of kindness is important to consider. “It is not the things you get, but the hearts you touch that will determine your success in life”. The kindness attitude seeks to help build other people up not to tear them down. A good question to ask in relating to others is how do we view others? Is it with a kind heart or a disdainful heart? Greater than kindness is having a loving attitude. The quote in the video is so true which I believe is why they call their company Simple Truths. “Love doesn't make the world go round – Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.” To live a life of purpose and fulfill our mission God has us in this life for is to be people with loving attitudes. This is why the Bible states the “greatest of these is love” in I Corinthians 13.

Another question I want to end with is in the middle of the Simple Truths video clip. It speaks of how attitudes are contagious. Attitudes can rub off on others. Consider a work situation where negative comments are being tossed about by a worker who has a bad attitude. Soon others chime in and try to one up the negative statements. The work climate soon becomes very negative and gloomy. Consider the same work group situation but this time a positive attitude person encourages a co-worker and is always cheerful and kind. Often then the office atmosphere becomes more positive. So here is an important question to consider – Is my attitude worth catching?

Reflection: What were the main ideas of the attitude video that caught your attention? The video speaks of singing your song. Is there a song you like that could be considered your life theme song?

Be Compassionate to Yourself

One of the best books I have read on the subject of Anxiety is From Panic To Power by Lucinda Bassett. She is the founder of the Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety. It is a very realistic book on the subject as the first portion of the book she shares her story of her battle with anxiety related disorders. Then she offers a variety of practical helps for individuals with anxiety or therapists can use these helping ideas with clients.

I want to focus in on one of recovery techniques she shares. In chapter 8 she discusses Compassionate Self-Talk. I am a big believer in the importance of Positive Self-Talk which is the same thing but the term compassionate intrigued me. If we think about it and ponder over the negatives things we say to ourselves we are often more compassionate to others than to ourselves. We can often be our harshest critics. We stop our selves from progressing in our work or activities we want to do because we put ourselves down. Thoughts such as “someone else could do better than me”; “there is no way I can be successful with that”; “There are so many better writers, painters, singers,…than me”. The negative critic inside stops us from what we can really do. If we heard our best friend say these things we would stop them and help them think in a more positive way. But living with inner self we continue to tear ourselves down with negative self-talk.

Ms. Bassett says of compassionate self-talk, “it is any message or dialogue with yourself or someone else that makes you feel good, strong, happy, confident, relaxed, capable, loving, energetic, peaceful or motivated.” It is the messages we tell ourselves that can overcome and help us flourish in our daily walk. We need to understand that our thought life is powerful enough to motivate ourselves to do great things, to overcome depression and anxiety, to gain power in difficult times, and to rise above being a passive victim and conquer the difficulties.

We first have to understand the level of our negative self-talk. She recommends carrying a small spiral notebook, ( I call these my brain on paper), and when you hear yourself say something negative like, “I feel too blah to go to work today” or “I can’t volunteer at the Summer camp, what if I make a fool of myself?” Write the statement down. After a week look over the statements. Is there a theme? Are you a “what ifer”? Such as “what if I fail, what if I look foolish”. Funny thing about what ifs is that they rarely come true. Or maybe you’re an “I Can’tr” Phrases like “I can’t do that” come up over and over again in your self-talk. As you look at the list consider how negative is what you are saying to yourself. How harmful are the statements? How are they defeating you or stopping your success.

In your notebook Ms. Bassett says to rewrite thought replacements. Take the time to write what you should say instead the negative things you are saying. This is like re-writing the scripts for your life. In being compassionate in your rewriting of negative self-talk be realistic. If you are feeling depressed because your car was wrecked don’t try to negate a true feeling by saying, “I am not depressed I am cheerful and happy. I am gald my car got totaled.” Instead say “I am feeling down about the car but I can be thankful I wasn’t hurt.” In understanding compassionate thought replacement we need to understand our thoughts can make us bitter or better. They can cause our emotions to spiral down in the dumps or spiral upwards to a energetic triumph over our difficulties.

Reflection: Spend 15 minutes thinking over your most recent thoughts from the past few days. Jot down a few of the negative scripts you say to yourself. Imagine you heard your best friend saying these same things. What would you tell your friend out of a spirit of compassion to help them say things that are more positive? Be more compassionate to yourself!