Positive Psychology and Kindness in Montreal

Last week my wife and I enjoyed a mini-vacation in Montreal Canada. My primary purpose was to enjoy learning at the International Positive Psychology World Congress. I was thankful for the opportunity to share in a roundtable discussion time my dissertation research on flow activities and at-risk college students. My wife’s main purpose was to rest and relax from her work. The IPPA congress provided a wide range of topics on how to help people flourish in their life journey and how to help individuals focus in on well-being. These are topics that I focus on in my book, Living More Than OK. It was my first time to attend one of their World Congress’s.

This week’s post I will share just a few points that meant much to me from the congress. Several of the initial speakers I listened to spoke of the research that shows the importance of acts of kindness for our well-being. An important happenstance event happened the second day to illuminate what I had heard. My wife and I in the afternoon planned to take the metro train to Montreal’s Botanical garden. We went to the Metro station near our hotel and bought tickets. As we went to the turnstile my wife went through without a hitch. I went through then and the metal bar would not move. We tried the ticket several times. Several people passed by and then a man our age came over and asked in a thick French Canadian accent what was wrong. We explained the situation and he tried that ticket as well. He then told my wife to go down to the train platform and wait for me. He then told me to follow him. We walked down a separate stairwell and he took me to another entry point in the same station where there was a worker in the ticket booth. He explained in French what had happened to my wife and I, visitors from the US. The agent apologized for our inconvenience and let me through and I reconnected with my wife. I thanked the gentleman for his help and he went his way.

The other pictures here are from the Botanical Garden green houses. It was a rainy afternoon but their Garden had the best greenhouses we had ever experienced. Looking back at the event the man’s act of kindness was a true life example of what I had heard from several of the initial speakers at the conference. That kindness towards others is helpful in a meaningful way to all parties in the experience. The man did not have to stop as he could have acted, just as others, who had passed us by. Instead he went out of his way to take me to a ticket agent, who could help with my ticket problem and explain our problem in French. We were thankful to find people like that in Montreal.

Back to other meaningful learning points from the IPPA Congress. One of the more enjoyable sessions was a presenter in one of the round table sessions I attended. There were two presenters at the table and both did admirable jobs on their research presentations. The one I preferred was Annie Norman, who is the State Librarian for the State of Delaware. She was sharing about her state library’s research on the study of lifelong learning of readers in their libraries through a tracking system they have created. They provide useful journals that patrons can use to reflect on their reading. Since, I emphasize being a Bookhead in my book, Living More Than OK, when I saw her presentation listed on-line I could not pass it up. Being an avid supporter of libraries and reading programs I could not pass up her presentation. Her information did not disappoint. It was wonderful to hear from a librarian who understands how the services of libraries can inculcate human flourishing in the lives of the communities they serve.

My favorite session of the ones I attended was Saturday listening to Drs. Steger of Colorado State University & Russo-Netzer of University of Haifa, Israel, speak to the issue of purpose and meaning in their session, “More Than Skin Deep”. They pointed out the reality too often people are busy being busy or live in a survival mode instead of being truly alive. This connected with me, since I emphasize to people to move beyond being just OK to be Living More Than OK.

Their focus from what I picked up focuses in on being mindfully aware of searching and finding meaning in your life. This reminded me of Dr. Seligman of University of Pennsylvania in his keynote discussion where he shared research on the importance of meaning in having a flourishing life. I appreciated their emphasizing being intentional in your life as too many clients I have helped are too often just running on a negative autopilot through life and not being intentional about the choices they make in life. I see this in college students I work with as well. Another important point was encouraging us to take reflection time to visualize and draw out an icon or poster in response to the question “Know your Why?”. We add significance to our lives when we take time to understand the why force in our lives. The presenters made good use of group interaction even though it was a packed room.

Another important point they brought to light was in a discussion to the question “What is being fully alive?”. They helped with the myth on positive psychology that it is about being happy all the time. Some of our life highlights that lead to learning are not always happy. My parents’ deaths were not happy, my job loss in Chicago was not happy, other struggles on my journey have not been happy but finding the meaning in the 20/20 of hindsight adds to the meaning of life.

It was a great vacation to see the beautiful city of Montreal and for my wife to have a much needed break from her work. The congress time also added more lifelong learning to my life experience.

Reflection: What does being “fully alive” mean to you? Take a day sometime just to think through and reflect on “knowing your Why” – draw of a poster or icon about it.

Choose Your Ways for Inspired Living

On our life journeys we often look for inspiration to help and guide us through the days when we settled into plateaus of mediocrity or are overwhelmed by life’s demands. At these times I myself appreciate looking at other people’s thoughts on the life journey and seek to learn from them. Live The Life Of Your Dreams by Laura Ponticello is such a book. She provides 33 inspiring tips to help in the continual growth of the inner life. Laura is an author, personal coach, and motivational speaker. You can find out more about her at lauraponticello.com

Although her books are geared towards women, the principles can be appreciated and connected to the life journey of men as well. In this book her 33 life inspiring tips revolve around 7 key themes of 1. Think Big, Dream Big 2. Don’t Let Fear Hold You Back 3. The Art Of Self-Talk 4. Take Time For Yourself 5. Sacred Spaces for Healing 6. The Power Within 7. Live Life With Passion.

I will touch on 5 of the tips that stood out to me. First of all her tip # 5 is Pursue Something With Passion. Having passions in life keep life purposeful and urge us to continual growth. That is one element of life I promote in my book Living More Than OK. I like how in this section she encourages “Explore a new side of yourself” so during your life journey seek out new activities or hobbies to enjoy to add to your life.

Her tip #16 is Sit with a Prayer. She encourages those who have a passion for following a spiritual life make prayer an important aspect of your life. The sitting with a prayer caught my attention as she is reminding us to look at some of the great prayers that have been written down and meditate on those. She uses the prayers of St. Francis as an example. There are also books on the prayers of Charles Haddon Spurgeon, the great protestant preacher from the 1800’s that can be used in sitting with a prayer.

To add happiness into your life her tip #20 is Do One Thing Every Day That Makes You Happy. Break away from the business of life and take a happy break savoring a cup of coffee or tea while reading a book or listening to a favorite song.

If you enjoy walking, her tip #25 is Walk With A Purpose. Go out for a walk but have a purposeful mindful attitude of gratitude while you walk. Walking with a grateful heart will allow you to observe positive things around you on the walk. Maybe you will notice a flower bed you never noticed before or a landscape idea you may wish to add to your lawn.

The last tip that I will share here that stood out to me is tip #28 Gratitude Is Attitude. When you carry a grateful attitude into your life there is more positive energy to keep you moving forward. Think over each day what you are thankful for in your life and you will see it makes a difference in your outlook for the day.

Her other tips are just as helpful as these 5 but I want to keep you in suspense to look for a copy of the book through Laura’s website or by request at your local library. As you move through your life journey for the best inspiring life keep looking for new ideas to inspire you on your journey.

Reflection: Of the 5 tips from Laura’s book I shared which one stood out to you? What are 3 personal ideas you use to inspire yourself in your day to day life?

Turning From Nowhere Man Into Somewhere Man

It has been a couple weeks since writing here as I have been busy with the College classes I teach. So with a few of the classes I teach just being finished as they were half semester courses called Flex classes I thought I would share an activity that I do with my College Success classes. It is where I have the students reflect on the song, Nowhere Man, by the Beatles. Then I have them write a letter to Nowhere Man pretending he is a student on campus who is failing because he is going nowhere. Their purpose is to give suggestions and ideas to get him moving to Somewhereland. Many students enjoy doing this and I have been surprised over the years how many young people enjoy the Beatle’s music still. Let’s see what we can learn from the song.

Nowhere Man , Lennon & McCartney (Click on the Title for a video)

He's a real nowhere Man, Sitting in his Nowhere Land,
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody.

Doesn't have a point of view, Knows not where he's going to,
Isn't he a bit like you and me?

Nowhere Man, just listen, You don't know what you're missin',
All the world's at your command.

He's as blind as he can be, Just sees what he wants to see,
Nowhere Man can you see me at all?

Nowhere Man, don't worry, Take your time, don't hurry,
Leave it all 'till somebody else lends you a hand.

Doesn't have a point of view, Knows not where he's going to,
Isn't he a bit like you and me?

Nowhere man please listen, you don't know what your missin'
Nowhere Man, the world is at your command

He's a real Nowhere Man, Sitting in his Nowhere Land,
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody.
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody.
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody.

What I have enjoyed about the song is that it reminds me of the importance of choosing a life of purpose. If we want to go somewhere in life we need to intentionally choose to make plans so we can go somewhere not nowhere. It helps to take time to understand our point of view and have a firm understanding of who we are, and what we want out of life. Too many are missing out on all life has to offer as they don’t take the time to think over where they want to go. It is very true “Isn’t ‘he a bit like you and me?”. If we are honest we all have desert times where we don’t know and sit in nowhere land. We need to think is that where we want to stay?

“He’s as blind as he can be, just sees what he wants to see”. As we sit around staring at the plastic rectangles we carry around with us, or sit in the comfort of home staring at the larger plastic rectangles that entertain us to death, we become as blind as Nowhere Man. I am glad to see more calls in research and news reports to encourage parents to watch the amount of time they allow their children stare blindly at the little plastic entertainment rectangles of technology. At the same time how about the parents? It upsets me to see children at restaurants or outside playing and the parent instead of interacting with the children are staring at the little plastic entertainment rectangles of technology. Do they really have to be staring at the phone and texting that much? Do they understand the children learn from their actions? Don’t they understand what they are missin’? Don’t we understand what we are missin’? That is one point the Beatles are getting across in the song. The idea relates well to my book Living More Than OK and this blog. Do we want to come to the end our life journey only to see what we have missed?

Reflection: Think over the words to the song and reflect on your life. Are you moving towards Somewhereland? Are you blind to the purpose and opportunities in your life? How can you make better choices with your time to make the most of it? Is technology controlling you in mindless entertainment or do you use your time wisely on the internet to read life fulfilling blogs such as this? (Sorry just had to add that in!)

Overcoming for a Resilient Life

Photo credit: Ed Yourdon / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)

With this week close to Easter I was contemplating what to focus my blog on as I was sitting at my computer. I had been looking over some other books on the importance of reading when a song by Mandisa came to my mind as I was listening to her music. The song speaks to the importance of resilience. Having the inner fortitude to bounce back from the difficulties of life is the overcoming for a resilient person. We each have different difficulties and problems that try to keep us on the ground while resilience is telling us inside to not quit so we stand up and press on. Listen to the video of her song by clicking on the song title and think over the lyrics that point to the importance of the personal affirmation of “I am an Overcomer!”.

"Overcomer" performed by Mandisa (Click on title to view video of the song)

Staring at a stop sign Watching people drive by
T Mac on the radio Got so much on your mind
Nothing's really going right Looking for a ray of hope
Whatever it is you may be going through
I know He's not gonna let it get the best of you
You're an overcomer Stay in the fight ‘til the final round
You're not going under ‘Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when He reminds You That you're an overcomer You're an overcomer
Everybody's been down Hit the bottom, hit the ground Ooh, you're not alone
Just take a breath, don't forget Hang on to His promises He wants You to know
The same Man, the Great I am The one who overcame death
He's living inside of You So just hold tight, fix your eyes
On the one who holds your life There's nothing He can't do He's telling you
(Take a breath, don't forget Hang on to His promises)
You're an overcomer You're an overcomer You're an overcomer
So don't quit, don't give in, you're an overcomer
Don't quit, don't give in, you're an overcomer
Don't quit, don't give in, you're an overcomer You're an overcomer

Photo credit: Nick Kenrick .HappyEaster /Passover. no protest / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)

When the rays of hope are slim in our life we blankly stare out at those passing us by thinking how do they have it so together when we feel beaten into the ground. If we only knew what they were going through we would not think like that. At those times the urge is to quit and give up, especially if we feel we are at rock bottom. It is at these times that we need to know that we don’t have to quit or give in. Understand that you can overcome the difficulties. How can we overcome?

Mandisa looks at life from the same worldview as I do, that of a Christian, so I know that is one reason she chose to sing this song. So the foundation of my overcoming is based on the focal point of who she is singing about -- the risen Savior Jesus. She alludes to His resurrection in the line, “The same Man, the Great I am The one who overcame death.” With this week being Easter that line may be one key reason I decided to use this song this week. I believe God’s purpose for my life is greater than the problems I face so that is important in my concept of having an overcoming mindset. I have had my share of times of being knocked down in life and wanting to stay down or even going lower. With the overcoming mindset I can keep my eyes fixed of Jesus Christ’s power that overcame death and knowing in serving Him he will lead and tell me what he wants for my life. That purpose God has for me is not giving into problems and quitting. Instead it points to overcoming and holding on to His greater purpose for my life.

The affirmation in this song to be an overcomer of course bridges beyond Christians. I remember when the song first came out there was a video that Mandisa did showing several well-known people who were battling cancer and other health problems and they were overcomers over their problems. So the general principle of the song relates to all people of all beliefs reminding us of the importance of not quitting but to overcome the problems that face us.

Another point I learned from the song came from the line “Staring at a stop sign Watching people drive by T Mac on the radio.” She is alluding to Tobey Mac with the term T Mac. His music is very upbeat and positive with a strong spiritual message. The phrase stood out to me reminding me of the power of positive music when difficult days are facing us. When you are going through difficult times it may be of help to listen to some uplifting music to remind you to get up and not quit.

Reflection: What personal affirmations do you remind yourself of when you are facing low “ray of hope” days? Do you have a favorite Overcoming Bible verse or motivational quote that helps you when you hit the ground? Do you have a favorite song that helps perk you up on down days?

Calling and an Elevator Operator

An important element to our work life is connecting with the Calling aspect of our work life. Often Calling is misunderstood as being only for spiritual related careers as a person is Called to be a minister or missionary. I view Calling as that which makes our work meaningful. The areas of our work that brings the inner satisfaction as we look back upon a workday knowing we made a difference. A website that I enjoy reading and listening to the podcasts concerning the topic of life/work calling is www.thehighcalling.org .
The website presents stories and articles about the importance of our work. We spend a significant portion of our lives doing this thing called work. From the stories on the website I have found a deeper appreciation in how to look at my work settings from a Callings angle. It helps in exploring new ways to create meaning in the workplace.

I want to share one of the stories presented on the website by Howard Butt Jr. about an elevator operator, Bruce Renfroe, in New York City. The links to the highcalling video and a more in-depth Guideposts article about the man can be found below after the reflection.

Mr. Renfroe was a cleaner in the Metro system and enjoyed his work but after a stroke he could not return to his work. He was then transferred to be an elevator operator. He shared how he found the job very boring and noticed people in the elevator never spoke. This made me think of my years of living in Chicago. Elevators were always a place where everyone just faced forward with stoic faces and never made a sound. Mr. Renfroe wondered if he could make a difference to these robotic group of emotionless people. He started off by making a joke one day and noticed a passenger laughed. He then put up a poster, and brought in a houseplant. Then he added a small radio playing jazz music and had his Bible on a small table. Those changes in the atmosphere of the elevator started the people talking and enjoying the short ride down to the metro train stop. Some mornings a rider would ask him to read a Bible verse to inspire their workday. Other days a jazz song would be requested. At that point he realized he was enjoying his job again. What started out as ways to perk up his riders’ day was a boost to bringing meaning to what started as a boring job for him. This story touched me as I remember some of the Chicago buildings that would have an elevator operator. It always made the ride better to have a cheerful worker in the elevator. It also shows how Calling can be added into any job.

The story made me think of my work and what aspects of it relate to calling. Where am I making a difference in the world and lives around me? The answer to that question is where we move beyond the mundane of everyday work and move higher up into the calling of our work. In the living more than OK life, work is an area where we need to see how we can spiral up to abundant life even in our job, not just marking time until Friday. I am amazed how the Guideposts article ends about Mr. Renfroe. “Some people say, ‘Thank God it’s Friday because they can’t wait to start their weekend.’ Bruce said, ‘Me? I say Thank God for Monday because that’s the day I go back to work.’”

Reflection: In what ways can you add a sense of calling into your work world? What would our work places be like if we had Mr. Renfroe’s attitude about Monday mornings?


http://www.hudsonsclass.com/Documents/Freshman/Renfroe.pdf article copied from Guideposts

video http://www.thehighcalling.org/video/work/elevator-operator#.Uj-X4oaTidQ

Which Ship Do You Want To Be On?

(I am trying to write something each Friday but since I will be out of town I thought I would post this early)


In looking at our life journey I am a strong believer in the power of metaphors to help us shaping our direction. That is why I thoroughly enjoyed reading A Tale Of Three Ships by Dwight Edwards. He is an author I met at the recent author luncheon I wrote about. He is an author, Pastor of a church in Houston and President of High Octane for the Mind. If you still need to purchase a gift for a high school or college graduate this makes an excellent choice to help shape a young person’s life. He looks at our lives as being one of three types of ships.

His driving thrust is that we are created for a purpose. To go beyond just existing in life or just getting by, or where we look back and see that life has past us by in our final days we need passion and purpose. In that search in our life we are on at one time or another one of three ships. It is our choice which one we spend the most time on.

The first one he writes of is the Sinking Ship. Doesn’t sound like a nice one, but in reality many people spend much of their time there. This is the ship where we are living in survival mode. “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” -Henry David Thoreau. This quote describes this ship rather well. There is a song in each of us that is meant to be shared with the world. For most sadly it remains silent as they allow life to pass them buy just like a herd of cows grazing and sleeping life away. Never trying anything new or taking a risk. Just living paycheck to paycheck and waiting for life to end.

The second ship is the cruise ship. Now we are talking. If you have never taken a cruise you should try it. All your comforts are met, food anytime you desire, and totally relaxing. The cruise ship is a metaphor for a life full of materialism and the pursuit of the pleasure principle. Is life just about acquiring more stuff than the next person? Living just for pleasure and material things leaves us in the end with just a bunch of stuff at the end of life. King Solomon’s one major theme in Ecclesiastes is that a life striving after things is just vanity. This again does not mean it is wrong to enjoy a vacation, a movie night, a fine restaurant, ect. The question is should that be a focal point of our existence? Ponder over these words by psychologist, William James , “The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.” He was speaking of doing significant things in our life. Our toys and stuff just wind up in resale shops or junk yards after our death.

The final ship is the battleship. This is not about starting fights he is using the battleship as a metaphor for making a difference or having a significant impact in life. This hearkens back to the previous William James quote. This ship looks at a life where having a significance and a purpose in your life is an important focal point. The author terms it as having a noble cause. Here he quotes one of my favorite authors Psychiatrist Victor Frankl, “ Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone’s task is unique as his specific opportunity.” Frankl’s words take us back to the concept that we all have a purpose for our life. Part of the adventure is finding the purpose and living it out.

As I look back most of my life has been mostly on the sinking ship and a journey on the battleship with a little bit of cruise ship tossed in. The author points out that we spend time on each ship. In seeking the best life possible and living an exceptional life we need to focus in on ship number three the battle ship – living for a noble cause.

Reflection: What ship are you presently spending most of your time on? Take 20-30 minutes to journal or draw your dreams of what battleship living looks like to you? What specific opportunity do you see in your ships telescope that is an area you can have significance in? Is it a particular cause or person you can spend more time with?

Numbering Our Days To Reflect On Our Purpose

This past Sunday at the church I attend, as the minister wrapped up his message, he presented a prayer request I had never heard of before. He mentioned that his birthday was coming soon and he was facing a new decade. He was seeking God’s wisdom on what to do in the next decade of his life. He spoke of the biblical phrase to “Number our days” in the context of his life journey. In planning our purposeful direction in our long range goals, it is important to take time to reflect over future time periods.

I appreciated his openness to remind us that it is important to seek prayer from others on our life journey’s direction. As well, we need personal reflection times to look at the long range decades of our lives and the numbering of our days. As soon as I was home at my computer I looked up the Biblical references of “numbering our days.” There were two Psalms with the phrase in them.

Psalm 39:4 "Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life.” The emphasis of the Psalm is the reality of how brief our life is. In verse 5 David goes on to say, ”Each man’s life is but a breath.” No matter how long you can hold your breath; a breath is not a long time. David seems to be complaining to God in the text. Commentators on the passage, bring to light that he may be reflecting over the many difficulties in his life; such as his years of being on the run from King Saul even though David was anointed as King. He had to have been heartbroken by also being chased away by his own son, Absalom at one point in time. He had many tragedies and sad hurtful emotions that he took before God. Looking again at the text in verses 2 & 3 , “my anguish increased. My heart grew hot within me”. Here are feelings of anger and anxiety David is experiencing. These feelings are not wrong instead, it is what we do with them. Here he is bringing them to God in prayer. If he lived today he would have been tempted to star in a reality tv show and rage against the injustices in his life. But something tells me being the man after God’s own heart he still would have taken the feelings to God in his quiet time and would reject tv deals. In difficult times and times of regret we often realize how short a time our life journey is. This Psalm is a reminder don’t wait for difficulties to come to take time to reflect on numbering our days.

The other Psalm that has the phrase is Psalm 90:12, “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” The overall context of this Psalm exalts God’s greatness in His eternal nature versus the brevity of our lives. In this Psalm, David is not looking in anguish at the end of his life. Instead he is seeking God’s wisdom in how to make his life count for God. He wants to understand the time he has left so that he can use it wisely. Wisely for the work God has for him. This is seen in the final verse 17, “May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us—yes, establish the work of our hands.” He repeats the phrase “establish the work of our hands”, so the Psalmist David sees this as an important element of using our time, “our days”, in a wise manner.

Charles Spurgeon in his Treasury of David has this to say about this verse, “A short life should be wisely spent. We have not enough time at our disposal to justify us in misspending a single quarter of an hour. Neither are we sure of enough of life to justify us in procrastinating for a moment. If we were wise in heart we should see this, but mere head wisdom will not guide us aright.” Spurgeon is right. If we look at the emphasis in both passages we see the brevity of life. If our life goes by so quickly and time is one way to honor God, we need to be wise in using the gift of time. At the end of Psalm 90 David is seeking God’s favor, His blessing, for God to establish His work in David. I don’t believe this is speaking only our vocational work even though it is important. In our numbering our days we need to look at all the variety of works God has for us to do and then use our time wisely to honor God in these works.

The idea of numbering our days reminds me of Stephen Covey’s principle of "Begin with the end in mind” As we look into the next year, 5 years or next decade to see where we want to go and accomplish we are visualizing a mind picture or a blue print of what the end results look like. Covey states, “If you don't make a conscious effort to visualize who you are and what you want in life, then you empower other people and circumstances to shape you and your life by default. It's about connecting again with your own uniqueness and then defining the personal, moral, and ethical guidelines within which you can most happily express and fulfill yourself. “ These thoughts line up well with King David’s in Psalm 90 to seek a heart of wisdom to see the work ahead that God has for us.

Reflection: In your own quiet time include a day from time to time to reflect over the numbering of your days. Seek for wisdom in making the most of the time you have for your brief journey here on earth. Have an openness to ask friends to pray for your numbering of days reflection times as the pastor that was mentioned at the beginning did.

Living A Life Of Noble Purpose

This past week I had a nuclear stress test and the instructions had a suggestion to bring something to read as the whole process takes several hours. Much of that time is waiting between pictures of the heart at rest and after being on the treadmill. So I noticed in my books to read pile was a small book, Noble Purpose: The Joy of Living a Meaningful Life by William Damon. Dr. Damon is a Professor of Education at Stanford University. I took it to the Heart Clinic.

This book is a short book as I finished it during my time in the waiting room during the 3 ½ hours. Even though it was short, the impact of the message was very big in my thoughts. This is one of those books where I feel the world would be a better place if everyone would read it. I truly believe we are created as purpose driven. God has a purpose for each of us. So connecting our interests and God given strengths helps us to discover our career and non-career purposes in life.

I feel the core of his book is found in these statements by the author, “A life built around noble purpose is a life well spent….Commitment to a noble purpose, apart from the good that it produces for the world, endows a person with joy in good times and resilience in hard times.” (pgs. 66-67). That is what living more than ok is all about. In living a more than OK life we need to be following God’s purposes for our lives. What causes are important to you? How does the life you live impact your family and friends for the better?

That word “noble” in the title, I had never thought of before in relation to purpose in life. The author made me realize that we need to reflect over our purposes. My purpose does not have to be at the level of a hero or famous person. The key is -- are my purposes moral? Is my purpose just for selfishness of acquiring as much stuff I can store in my house or storage center? Is my purpose just about money? God centered purposes focus outward from the self to touch others’ lives for the better.

Near the end of the book, Dr. Damon presents 9 principles to help in our building a purpose filled life. I will paraphrase them here. First of all is to start with a purpose. Find an interest or cause you are passionate about and become involved. If you are having difficulty finding a purpose look at the close areas of your life as in your family, your church, social organizations, your career. Wherever you find most of your energy expended is a good place to find a purpose. Next, look for purpose driven examples in others that you can follow. These may be found in a mentor at your workplace or maybe a historical figure you have read about. Another good idea is to look for support from others. Share your purpose with others and see if anyone wants to join you. Or maybe your purpose in found in your religious faith sod in your local congregation you can find others to join you. With following your purpose be wary of perfectionism. There are always bumps along the way to discourage you. Don’t let discouragement defeat your purpose God has given you.

If you are counting -- the next is his sixth principle of keeping a humble heart in following your purpose. This fits well with his concept of noble purpose. To keep our spiritual compass on a moral plane, we need to keep our pride in check with humility. Along with humility then keep a focus on keeping your purpose noble by reviewing the means you are using to reach the goal of your purpose. This is counter culture in a world where the emphasis is use any means even immoral means of lying and cheating to gain your advantage. Staying noble is looking at the morality of your purpose journey from point A to point B. Number 8 is have a thankful heart of celebration for the purpose you are seeking to achieve. This allows for joy in the journey in what you are trying to accomplish in your career or other aspects of your life. Then the last principle is just as in point three, you should look for examples to follow. Principle 9 is be an example yourself to others. Disciple others, especially younger people, in living a purpose driven life so others can have “… a life well spent”.

There is much more than these 9 principles packed into this little powerful book. I again highly recommend it. But more importantly take time to look at your purposes for living your life journey.

Reflection: Take some time to think over what are purposes that are driving your life direction? What is your career purpose? Is it a noble purpose? Outside of your work do you have a purpose or do you just exist? Consider a purpose you would like to follow to have a more than ok life and write it down with plans to follow a purpose driven life.

Learning SFT in Utopia

This past weekend we watched the movie 7 Days in Utopia . We are not golfers so, I had put off seeing it thinking it just a golf movie. As I watched the story unfold, I saw several life principles at work. One primary one was for the young lead character to learn life was more than golf. The movie presents principles that can be transferred into any person’s career life and personal life balance.

The opening of the movie has Luke Chisholm exploding in anger over a disintegrating performance in a golf game. As he is recklessly driving due to his emotions he crashes through a rancher’s fence. The elderly rancher, John, comes to his rescue and requests he stay with him for 7 days to get his golf game back. There are many dynamics in the story. Does Luke really want to play golf? Or was that his dad’s dream for him? There is shown in flash backs the tensions between he and his father, who was his over demanding coach and caddy. This made me wonder if golf was really Luke’s thing or his dad’s.

Instead of just playing golf John, who was a former golfer himself, has Luke do other things that relate to golf but initially seem very strange. Just one for an example, he has him study a golf shot in a wooded area and the instead of just hitting the ball has him paint the view of hitting the ball first. So the ideas tap into creativity and that particular example was encouraging a deep level of visualizing before trying the difficult shot. John is trying to get Luke to explore his passion level for golf and to allow him to see God has a purpose for his life greater than golf. Life is more than just a job or career we need to discover our greater purpose.

I was impressed by the concept of SFT that comes up in the movie early as John is speaking about Luke’s putting. He emphasized to not think but to See, Feel, and Trust. There is a truth in that, that we in our work have to move beyond over thinking to See, which means to visualize the big picture of what you are doing, Then Feel is having confidence in the visualization process to move forward. Finally to trust is to step out and act on that confidence to complete what you are trying to do. As I watched that work out in the film; the SFT concept reminded me of Dr. Cziksentmihalyi’s Flow concept of having a sense of mastery and trust in your competence so that you are not over thinking but you are one with your work that you are doing.

The movie goes deeper into the SFT concept looking at it in a spiritual level. John tells Luke near the end of the movie to make Luke understand that he needs to find a greater purpose in life than golf. How does Luke want to be remembered after his life is over? Here John explains that he needs to See God’s face, Feel God’s presence and Trust God’s love – SFT. Looking at life from a God centered perspective it was no accident that Luke turned towards Utopia. Granted, he could have taken the other turn and gone to another town and not experienced the 7 days in Utopia. But God had a purpose for Luke to be there. In those 7 days, he had the opportunity to understand that relationships are important, reflect on his passion and conviction level for golf and reach a point of feeling the presence of God. As spiritual beings, we need to first know who God is by seeing His face and feeling His presence. Then we can learn to trust in His love and know as is stated in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” God has good plans for us even after a terrible game or problem occurs. That is a truth and promise we can hold onto in difficult and good times.

At this point in the movie the older ex golf pro gives Luke a box. In it is a Bible, a note from John, a pencil and two pieces of paper. With the papers Luke is told to draw up two lists. One is a list of all the lies he has listened to about himself. For Luke lies such as his self worth lies in how well he does with a little white golf ball. Lies that he told himself such as his father only cared about him if he did well in golf. We each over our lifetime can fill our minds with lies about ourselves which can spiral us down in to subpar just ok existing instead of the abundant life we were created for. That list of lies he was to write was to be buried in the box as a symbol of being rid of the lies. The other sheet of paper Luke was to write down truths about himself that he was to keep as a remembrance to give him strength in his life going forward. What are truths we can write and hold onto? Truths such as God loves us, and has a greater purpose for our lives. That we each have talents, that can be used to help improve the lives of those around us. We need to focus on the truths and not the lies.

If you have not seen this movie I highly recommend it. Enjoy the story and acting. Then also think through your life as to how the SFT concept relates to your life. Think through the purpose God has for you in your living more than ok on your life journey.

Reflection: Take some time to write up a list of lies that you have are presently are telling yourself. How are these lies negatively effecting you life? Destroy the list of lies. Then also write down a list of truths about yourself. Post this truth list somewhere you can regularly see it. Also take some time to reflect on your bigger purpose in life.

Motivation With Personal Performance Reviews

One dreaded part of an individual’s work life is the Annual Performance review. The nervousness, upset stomach feeling and pre-worry that comes before the review; makes it a part of the work environment that many hate. The review is meant to motivate employees but often demotivates and comes across as a yearly despised ritual.

So what really motivates us in our work? Daniel H. Pink in his book Drive – The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us . In it he focuses in on three key elements of motivation: autonomy, mastery, and purpose. The important thought about the three elements is that they are internal based in the individual instead of external motivators.

With autonomy the focus is freeing up people to do their work with out micromanaging the details of their work. Trusting workers to do their jobs frees them up to not feel like just cogs in a machine. Autonomy builds personal accountability and responsibility for the work and projects, a person is working on. In a micromanaging environment people can not do their best as they have to deal with the un-nerving feeling that they are being watched continuously which they usually are. This creates personal second guessing instead of releasing productive creative new ideas.

Mastery the next element relates to continual self improvement in your work. Pink places a portion of a poem by W. H. Auden in his section on Mastery:

You need not know what someone is doing to know if it is his vocation,
You only have to watch his eyes; a cook mixing a sauce,
a surgeon making a primary incision, a clerk completing a bill of lading,
Wear the rapt expression, forgetting themselves in a function.
How beautiful it is that eye-on-the-object look. – W. H. Auden -

The poem touches on a part of Mastery in one’s work of being in a state of flow. Being at a level where the work just flows with ease with rapt attention to what you are working on. Mastery also enlists a growth mindset of not being satisfied with the mundane but improving towards excellence. Mastery takes discipline and hard work as well. Daniel Pink brings out the example of the 10 year rule research that many people we consider great did not get that way in an instant. It takes on the average 10 years to build their skills before they were discovered or they had their big break. This time frame is based on researching the disciplined habits of sports stars, virtuoso musicians, and artists. Mastery takes time and effort.

The third element is Purpose. Purpose is a powerful motivator as it gives us a reason for what we are doing in our work and lives. Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi is quoted in the book on the subject of purpose: “Purpose provides activation energy for living.” Purpose provides the energy to keep on going when we don’t feel like it. Creating clear goals helps shape and clarify our sense of purpose. We can have work goals for our vocational life and personal goals for other aspects of our daily living to keep us living more than ok.

Going back to the issue of personal Reviews; one main invaluable part of the book is the ending “Toolkit”. This is where Daniel Pink provides a variety of exercises to flesh out the elements of the book in a practical way for everyday life. One tool I want to share here is the “Give Yourself A Performance Review”. Instead of waiting for the Boss to review you -- review yourself. The example is in the context of work but this will help even in your personal life goals as well.
Once a month find some quiet time to look over your learning goals, performance goals, and/or personal goals. Honestly consider how you are doing on each goal. Is there a way you can improve on reaching your goals or do they need to be revised? Honestly look at the obstacles that are hindering your progress.
This exercise can help with your reaching your goals and may just help you be more relaxed as you face a work review evaluation.

Reflection: Take some time to journal about your purposes you have in your life. What is your purpose in going to your job? What is the overarching purpose for your life? Also Daniel Pink’s book DRIVE is about motivation. Another toolkit idea is to do a Personal Motivational Poster. Try to do one with a phrase you make up as a motivator or a special quote. You can draw or do cutouts of pictures from magazines. Or Daniel Pink mentions websites that help you create motivational posters with pictures you have taken. Check out these websites:

http://wigflip.com/automotivator/

http://bighugelabs.com/motivator.php

Are you on Mission?

One way to help keep a focus on your purpose in life is to develop and compose a Personal Mission Statement. The Personal Mission Statement zeroes in on your core values, principles, and key items you wish to accomplish with your life. In Stephen Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People he likens the Mission Statement to that of the Unites States Constitution, the core values of our country.

This Summer I have been going through his son, Sean Covey’s, book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens with my teen daughter. This is a positive book to help teens understand the 7 principles to living life with more purpose and finding more potential in their futures. I have enjoyed this time with my daughter discussing principles which will allow her to have the best life possible. We just finished the chapter where Sean describes the Mission Statement. I like how he brings out that it can be put into various forms of a poem, a song, listing of positive bulleted statements, or a poster to tap into young people’s creativity.

Before working on the Mission Statement there is a need to work on concepts that go into it. Take time to brainstorm a list of values that are important to you. What are some of the positive strong qualities that set you apart from the next person? Make a list of 10 of the most important things in your life. Think over and list 5 core principles that are unchangeable and are the basis for your worldview and lifestyle.

Just as the Constitution is the standard for our country the Personal Mission Statement is the standard to guide our sense of purpose through the storms of life. Our world is always changing but a mission statement can help remind us of the inner strengths and principles we believe in that do not change. It can help us keep moving towards our goals and pursuits in our life journey by providing a guideline to keep on track with what is important to us.

The Mission Statement also helps us be more responsible so more can be accomplished of what we really want for our lives. Stephen Covey quotes Victor Frankl in his section on Mission statements. “Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.” We are responsible for our choices and following our personal beliefs. Understanding our responsibility to follow our mission statement encourages a deeper motivation and commitment to live our daily life by the principles and values important and keep a vision towards being goal centered which is important in living more than ok.

Keep your Mission Statement in a place you can review it often. Place it at your desk, as a wall poster hanging in your office or bedroom, or laminate a small version to place in your wallet or purse. This way you can review it on a regular basis and keep in fresh in your mind as a guiding force in your life. Does the Mission Statement ever change? As we go through shifts in our lives aspects of our life change but our core principles are usually constant unless a major philosophical and spiritual shift occurs. As we review our Mission Statements during periods of shifts there are new items that may need added and others replaced.

Here is a rough draft to my Personal Mission Statement:
 I seek to live a life pleasing to God as I follow the principles of Christ like living to the best of my ability.
 I seek to be a positive loving support to my wife and daughter in the journey God has for them.
 I am committed to grow in my creative and critical thinking skills in helping others grow to reach their God Given potential of living more than OK.
 I desire to live a more simple life to appreciate the savoring of God moments in life.
 I desire to live a thankful life for all that God brings into my life journey.



Reflection:
Get on Mission in your life. Take time to work on your Personal Mission Statement. Start by listing your core principles, values, things and people that are important to you. You can then write it out in a poem format, listing of declarative statements or in a narrative form. If you are really creative maybe do a poster using drawing along with your statements. Here are some examples of mission statements that may help in your constructing yours:
www.missionstatements.com