Living in a border town with all the news of the drug trade continuously brought me recently to think of habits. The senseless killings and lives destroyed stem from the demand of drug usage in the U.S. As a volunteer at a local Drug Abuse Center I have attended many drug and alcohol abuse meetings. Listening to the stories I hear of lives ruined due to the drug habit. Drugs and alcohol are bad habits as the regular use of a substance ruins the life experience of the user. Smoking cigarettes is another bad habit. I had an older brother who died of lung cancer due to a life habit of smoking. It has been good to see in American society fewer people smoking. Those who do should observe someone dying of lung cancer so they can rethink that habit.
Dr. William Glasser points out these habits come about through people’s wrong choices in searching for happiness. Their choice of drugs for happiness does provide initial good feelings but but in the long term in the stories I have experienced their choice of drug and alcohol habits leads to misery. Dr. Glasser in his book Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom states, “ If we can not create a society in which more people are happy, we will never come close to reducing these destructive and self-destructive choices,” (referring to drugs and alcohol).
Knowing the personal ruin caused by drugs and seeing in the news the thousands killed in the drug wars in Mexico upsets me when I see how Hollywood and some rock, pop, and hip-hop musicians glamorize drugs to youth. The lack of critical thinking in those who want something that destroys people legalized is sickening. In my eyes those who glamorize drugs and want them legal have the blood of the thousands of Mexicans and the thousands of ruined lives here in the U.S. on their hands. If only the media would place this truth in the face of those promoting drugs so people would stop using drugs. Then there would be no demand for drugs therefore no drug war. The drug cartels would effectively be out of business.
In the meantime what can be done to better create a society Dr. Glasser is speaking of in the previous quote? Positive psychology is about presenting life principles to help build up happiness in people without having to turn to drugs. I see in positive psychology the emphasis on building up positive natural highs instead of chemical highs. Also as I have mentioned from my Christian viewpoint, I believe living a life that focuses on the spiritual helps in promoting natural highs as well, As we create habits that are spiritual in nature instead of popping pills and snorting chemicals into the body we can live happier and more fulfilled lives.
It all goes back to the habits we have in our lives. I had a sociology professor in Chicago who started out each lecture reminding us that humans are creatures of habit. Practically all we do in life relates to our habits. We take the same roads to work. We park in the same parking spot and become upset if someone is parked in, “our spot”. I enjoy mentioning to students in my university success course there is no seating chart like in high school but if they notice they usually sit in the same seat each class session – habit. I had a Professor in graduate school one night after three weeks into the semester tell everyone to get up and change seats. Everyone was initially frozen as no one wanted to give up “their seat” – habit. So if we are honest habits control much of our living.
To have a more than ok life, to maximize our living, to build natural highs into our living, we need to evaluate our habits and make choices to create good habits in our life. Jack Canfield in his practical book on life success, The Success Principles, has this to say about habits. “Negative habits breed negative consequences. Positive habits create positive consequences.” I have never met anyone who admits to wanting negativity in their lives. Yet look at all the personal problems and relationship problems in life. Through personal choices many are creating negative habits with ruinous results in their lives and lives of those around them. So a bad habit is an activity ritually being done that is causing negative effects in your life. To get rid of the bad habits we need to choose to replace them with something else. That is one reason habits are hard to break. People just stop the habit. Since there is nothing to fill the void the person rushes back to the bad habit often defeated and building negative self talk of. “Well I tried and failed so I guess I just can’t stop”. So before stopping have a positive habit ready to take its place.
IF you look into new habit creating on the internet most statements point to the need to do something 21 days in a row to create a new habit. I remember in a Positive Psychology class I took the professor emphasized make a commitment for 30 days to get the new ritual habit firm in your life. So if you feel your are negatively affected by spending several hours a night in a habit of watching tv you may want to create a couple new habits of exercise and painting to fill up the time. Think of things you would enjoy doing that will have positive consequences in your life.
Reflection
Are there any negative habits dragging your life down to just ok existing? Write down two new habits you would like to begin in your life to better improve you daily experience.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
What If You Ruled The World?
Recently a friend knowing some of my blog postings look at songs and their meanings for our life experience sent me the song, If I Ruled the World, by Leslie Bricusse and Cyril Ornadel that was sung by Tony Bennett back in the 1960’s. The song makes me think of the personal power we have in our choices to improve our lives and the lives of those around us. Shad Helmstetter in his book Choices states, “ Who knows what you could accomplish in life if you made more of the right choices along the way.” Each day by the choices we make, we rule our world. The question is what kind of world are we creating? Click on the title of the Tony Bennett song and hear him sing it and then take some moments to reflect over the words.
IF I RULED THE WORLD
Tony Bennett
Words by Leslie Bricusse/Music by Cyril Ornadel
If I ruled the world, ev'ry day would be the first day of spring
Every heart would have a new song to sing
And we'd sing of the joy every morning would bring
If I ruled the world, ev'ry man would be as free as a bird,
Ev'ry voice would be a voice to be heard
Take my word we would treasure each day that occurred
My world would be a beautiful place
Where we would weave such wonderful dreams
My world would wear a smile on its face
Like the man in the moon has when the moon beams
If I ruled the world every man would say the world was his friend
There'd be happiness that no man could end
No my friend, not if I ruled the world
Every head would be held up high
There'd be sunshine in everyone's sky
If the day ever dawned when I ruled the world
Why this song makes me think of the power of our choices, is pondering over what I would do if I ruled the world for a day? As we step out each day don’t we by our choices make rulings on how our individual worlds will be created and run? There are many positive desires and choices, Leslie Bricusse presents in his lyrics that are a guide to the kind of choices we can make in living more than ok.
In the very beginning he pronounces “ev'ry day would be the first day of spring”. Spring is a season of new creation and creativity as flowers and plants bloom. What if we carried that attitude and choice into each day? Looking at each day as a refreshing adventure instead of a dreary struggle to fight through. No wonder stress and depression is so high when the daily attitude is anticipating the grey storm clouds in the daily journey instead of looking forward to the blooming roses in the day’s activities. The phrase, “we'd sing of the joy every morning would bring” reminded me of memories riding the Chicago subway trains in the morning to work. There was never much joy on the faces of people on their way to work. How would the workday change if there was more joy in the attitude choices we make in our day? The song also speaks of smiles as bright as moon beams and happiness. Smiles and a cheery attitude can be a part of how we rule our day for the better in helping to spread joy to the stressed out worker at the cash register, the bus driver, or someone fighting the Monday Morning Blues. Have you ever noticed an attitude in a crabby store worker when you smile and say have a nice day. They immediately for the most part brighten up.
Another standout phrase is “we would treasure each day that occurred”. We should rule our world with the attitude of gratitude that I have mentioned in the past. Treasuring is to savor all the good memories that come to us each and every day. We gain more out of life if we reflect over the good that comes out of each day rather than expanding on the few negatives. Treasuring each day is a positive choice we can make to impact our positive growth. Then the last phrase that stands out to me is “if I ruled the world every head would be held up high”. The thought of the importance of personal self esteem and respecting each other’s self esteem comes to my mind in this phrase of the lyrics. I will delve more into self esteem in the future. In recent years self esteem has been given a bad rap . We need as we go through each day holding our head up high so we can see the roses in our life, the moon beams in the sky, and the beauty of the sunsets that we can apply to all the good things in life. If we insecurely mop around with our head to the ground we will miss so much of what life has to offer,
Reflection:
What would the world be like if you were ruler for a day? What positive choices can you learn from the song, IF I RULED THE WORLD, to brighten your daily journey?
IF I RULED THE WORLD
Tony Bennett
Words by Leslie Bricusse/Music by Cyril Ornadel
If I ruled the world, ev'ry day would be the first day of spring
Every heart would have a new song to sing
And we'd sing of the joy every morning would bring
If I ruled the world, ev'ry man would be as free as a bird,
Ev'ry voice would be a voice to be heard
Take my word we would treasure each day that occurred
My world would be a beautiful place
Where we would weave such wonderful dreams
My world would wear a smile on its face
Like the man in the moon has when the moon beams
If I ruled the world every man would say the world was his friend
There'd be happiness that no man could end
No my friend, not if I ruled the world
Every head would be held up high
There'd be sunshine in everyone's sky
If the day ever dawned when I ruled the world
Why this song makes me think of the power of our choices, is pondering over what I would do if I ruled the world for a day? As we step out each day don’t we by our choices make rulings on how our individual worlds will be created and run? There are many positive desires and choices, Leslie Bricusse presents in his lyrics that are a guide to the kind of choices we can make in living more than ok.
In the very beginning he pronounces “ev'ry day would be the first day of spring”. Spring is a season of new creation and creativity as flowers and plants bloom. What if we carried that attitude and choice into each day? Looking at each day as a refreshing adventure instead of a dreary struggle to fight through. No wonder stress and depression is so high when the daily attitude is anticipating the grey storm clouds in the daily journey instead of looking forward to the blooming roses in the day’s activities. The phrase, “we'd sing of the joy every morning would bring” reminded me of memories riding the Chicago subway trains in the morning to work. There was never much joy on the faces of people on their way to work. How would the workday change if there was more joy in the attitude choices we make in our day? The song also speaks of smiles as bright as moon beams and happiness. Smiles and a cheery attitude can be a part of how we rule our day for the better in helping to spread joy to the stressed out worker at the cash register, the bus driver, or someone fighting the Monday Morning Blues. Have you ever noticed an attitude in a crabby store worker when you smile and say have a nice day. They immediately for the most part brighten up.
Another standout phrase is “we would treasure each day that occurred”. We should rule our world with the attitude of gratitude that I have mentioned in the past. Treasuring is to savor all the good memories that come to us each and every day. We gain more out of life if we reflect over the good that comes out of each day rather than expanding on the few negatives. Treasuring each day is a positive choice we can make to impact our positive growth. Then the last phrase that stands out to me is “if I ruled the world every head would be held up high”. The thought of the importance of personal self esteem and respecting each other’s self esteem comes to my mind in this phrase of the lyrics. I will delve more into self esteem in the future. In recent years self esteem has been given a bad rap . We need as we go through each day holding our head up high so we can see the roses in our life, the moon beams in the sky, and the beauty of the sunsets that we can apply to all the good things in life. If we insecurely mop around with our head to the ground we will miss so much of what life has to offer,
Reflection:
What would the world be like if you were ruler for a day? What positive choices can you learn from the song, IF I RULED THE WORLD, to brighten your daily journey?
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Understanding Your Life Themes Using a Wandering Map
In the past I have discussed Chaos theory as it relates to life and careers. I recently read an insightful book on the topic by Dr. Katherine Brooks of UT Austin entitled, You Majored In What? Mapping Your Path from Chaos to Career. As we go through day to day life it can look very chaotic with a mix of happenstance events invading our life. Dr. Brooks points out as you look at the longer journey, the bigger picture of your life, connections and themes can be observed. Patterns are created by the chaotic seemingly random details.
The idea reminds me of reading Edith Schaeffer’s book, The Tapestry, years ago. It is the life of Francis and Edith Schaeffer looking back at their family line and their life together. The book is a delightful read if you can find it in a library or used bookstore. It reminds us as we go through the short periods of life, life looks like the underside of a tapestry – a chaotic mess of tied together fabric. Yet if you turn it over you can see the beautiful pattern.
Dr. Brooks in her book presents a creative exercise that helps us look at our details of life and glean from the pieces important themes and connections that reveal strengths that we can use to guide our lives and career pathways. She calls it the Wandering Map. It is a tool to help us creatively explore our talents and strengths so as to open up new possibilities; helps in savoring past events and gaining personal insight of past events; helps us view themes and patterns in our life journey. This activity will improve your self discovery which is part of Living More Than OK.
I will walk through the elements of the Wandering Map so you can try it out. I encourage you to pick up a copy of the book as it touches on so many other areas of our career life. Or if you know of a college student undergoing angst over their education and career journey recommend this book to them. You can find out more information about the book at her website www.YouMajoredInWhat.com
First of all get a blank 8 ½ x11 piece of paper or a larger poster board; and some colored markers or crayons to help you be creative with this. Set aside some quiet time to enjoy this brainstorming activity. You can use a table or desk or if your knees don’t give you trouble, you can sprawl out on the floor.
Next, think back over your life from childhood to the present for activities, places traveled, favorite classes, significant people, meaningful books ( a bookhead like me has to include books in the list), jobs, hobbies and ect. Write these items down on the paper in a random manner as they come to you. It will seem chaotic but again this stems from our thoughts on chaos theory, so just let the ideas flow. The paper or poster will soon have an appearance of a Mindmap.
As you look at all the items from your life experience you listed, start jotting down thoughts of a few key words that relate to them. Also make sure you write down key turning points in your life experience.
Now put the markers down and silently reflect or if you are musical have some favorite music on and mindfully reflect over the big picture of all that is on the paper. Begin looking for connections that may flow through your childhood activities up to the present. Then draw different colored lines that will connect the differing items on your list that have a connection.
After you have made the connections, list categories that come to mind. Try to make an initial list of 5. For example 5 that come up for my wandering map are – Spirituality, reading books ( what a surprise!), Counseling, music, studying psychology.
Then finally ponder over the categories and see if you can come up with overarching themes for the Wandering Map. You may want to write these down at the top of the map. Here is a sampling of some of the themes Dr. Brooks lists in her book on page 34. Purchase her book for the complete list or brainstorm over theme ideas:
Adventure – taking risks, trying new things
Creativity – self-expression, ideas as in art and music
Family – nurturing, children, family gatherings
Health – exercise and eating well
Independence -- freedom and autonomy
Leadership – organizing, inspiring
Learning – acquiring knowledge, life-long learning
Physical Work – using your hands, building
Security – safety, stability
Spirituality – practicing religion meditating
Wealth – acquiring money, economic security
Jot down a list of your key themes and as I mentioned the themes may make a nice title for your paper or poster if you used poster board. You can do this activity by yourself or you may want to do it as a family or with a group of friends. The important thing is have fun with it and see what new insights you can learn about yourself through the experience.
Reflection:
Take some time to journal about your Wandering Map. What were your primary themes and how are they important to you? What are some feelings you experienced as you wrote your initial list?
The idea reminds me of reading Edith Schaeffer’s book, The Tapestry, years ago. It is the life of Francis and Edith Schaeffer looking back at their family line and their life together. The book is a delightful read if you can find it in a library or used bookstore. It reminds us as we go through the short periods of life, life looks like the underside of a tapestry – a chaotic mess of tied together fabric. Yet if you turn it over you can see the beautiful pattern.
Dr. Brooks in her book presents a creative exercise that helps us look at our details of life and glean from the pieces important themes and connections that reveal strengths that we can use to guide our lives and career pathways. She calls it the Wandering Map. It is a tool to help us creatively explore our talents and strengths so as to open up new possibilities; helps in savoring past events and gaining personal insight of past events; helps us view themes and patterns in our life journey. This activity will improve your self discovery which is part of Living More Than OK.
I will walk through the elements of the Wandering Map so you can try it out. I encourage you to pick up a copy of the book as it touches on so many other areas of our career life. Or if you know of a college student undergoing angst over their education and career journey recommend this book to them. You can find out more information about the book at her website www.YouMajoredInWhat.com
First of all get a blank 8 ½ x11 piece of paper or a larger poster board; and some colored markers or crayons to help you be creative with this. Set aside some quiet time to enjoy this brainstorming activity. You can use a table or desk or if your knees don’t give you trouble, you can sprawl out on the floor.
Next, think back over your life from childhood to the present for activities, places traveled, favorite classes, significant people, meaningful books ( a bookhead like me has to include books in the list), jobs, hobbies and ect. Write these items down on the paper in a random manner as they come to you. It will seem chaotic but again this stems from our thoughts on chaos theory, so just let the ideas flow. The paper or poster will soon have an appearance of a Mindmap.
As you look at all the items from your life experience you listed, start jotting down thoughts of a few key words that relate to them. Also make sure you write down key turning points in your life experience.
Now put the markers down and silently reflect or if you are musical have some favorite music on and mindfully reflect over the big picture of all that is on the paper. Begin looking for connections that may flow through your childhood activities up to the present. Then draw different colored lines that will connect the differing items on your list that have a connection.
After you have made the connections, list categories that come to mind. Try to make an initial list of 5. For example 5 that come up for my wandering map are – Spirituality, reading books ( what a surprise!), Counseling, music, studying psychology.
Then finally ponder over the categories and see if you can come up with overarching themes for the Wandering Map. You may want to write these down at the top of the map. Here is a sampling of some of the themes Dr. Brooks lists in her book on page 34. Purchase her book for the complete list or brainstorm over theme ideas:
Adventure – taking risks, trying new things
Creativity – self-expression, ideas as in art and music
Family – nurturing, children, family gatherings
Health – exercise and eating well
Independence -- freedom and autonomy
Leadership – organizing, inspiring
Learning – acquiring knowledge, life-long learning
Physical Work – using your hands, building
Security – safety, stability
Spirituality – practicing religion meditating
Wealth – acquiring money, economic security
Jot down a list of your key themes and as I mentioned the themes may make a nice title for your paper or poster if you used poster board. You can do this activity by yourself or you may want to do it as a family or with a group of friends. The important thing is have fun with it and see what new insights you can learn about yourself through the experience.
Reflection:
Take some time to journal about your Wandering Map. What were your primary themes and how are they important to you? What are some feelings you experienced as you wrote your initial list?
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Growing in Our Critical Thinking Skills
I recently had a question related to Critical Thinking so I thought I would speak again to this important issue as I believe our thought life is important to Living More Than OK. Here is the question:
One of my friends told me she has issues with not having critical thinking. She was wondering whether it has anything to do with her personality or training deficit. Any thoughts ?
It is not a matter of not having critical thinking it is more a matter of developing our critical thinking skills. We are thinking all the time. Even when we are moving on autopilot the brain is processing the observations around us. The questioner mentions personality. There are personality theories that bring up the point that some people are more predisposed to be to be thinkers while others may be more of doers for example. When we look at those around us we do notice differences in people’s thinking. Some people jump right into different activities or relationships while others think through deeply before they make a move. This just shows we are different and unique. Our thinking skills fall on a continuum and on that continuum we can always rise to a higher level. The important point is that we can all improve our critical thinking skills which will help in every aspect of life, personal relationships, money matters, health, work, future plans, and ect.
Remember that critical thinking is not a negative activity of putting things down or having a negative cranky spirit. Vincent Ruggiero in his book Making Your Mind Matter shows that critical thinking is a positive activity of evaluating ideas from others and yourself in order to improve the ideas and choose the best one. This relates well as I previously mentioned Richard Paul and Linda Elder in their writings bring out that questioning is key to critical thinking. Ruggiero in his book, mentions a thinking style which I feel captures important features of critical thinking as it relates to daily challenges we all face. He calls it the WISE approach. This is one way in which to improve critical thinking in our life.
Wonder - Go through each day with a sense of wonder making note and observations of your experience and thoughts during the day. You may want to record key events problems, and thoughts relevant in a journal.
Investigate – With key problems or important issues do thoughtful research for solutions.
Speculate – Use the power of questions in relation to problems and life issues. Brainstorm creative solutions.
Evaluate - Try out the solutions to challenges you face during the day and look for the most effective ways to improve your life.
Another way to improve our thinking is Richard Paul and Linda Elder’s admonition that we should become a critic of our own thinking. Again this is not a negative hitting ourselves on the head , “Oh, I’m so stupid. I just can’t think!” No it is taking the time to “think about your thinking in order to make it better”, (Richard Paul). Take a seat back and ponder over your thinking, how do you think through issues facing you? What have been the circumstances that resulted from your thinking? How can you improve your thinking quality.
The being a critic of our thinking approach reminded me of a verse in the Apostle Paul’s writing 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV) “... and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” He is looking at our thought life from the spiritual standpoint of actively taking charge and control of our thoughts instead of drifting through our mental life on autopilot. The principle relates to all aspects of thought to be in control of our thinking and actively have our thoughts captive so we know why we believe what we believe and understand the thought process behind our actions.
Another important way to improve our thinking is as I mentioned in one of my early blog postings is to be a Bookhead. Read up on how to improve your thinking. We need to be life long learners. Here are a few book recommendations:
Critical Thinking – Tools for Taking Charge of Your Professional and Personal Life by Richard Paul & Linda Elder.
Thinking For a Change by John Maxwell. (Love that title!)
Making Your Mind Matter by Vincent Ruggiero
25 Days to Better Thinking & Better Living by Dr. Linda Elder & Dr. Richard Paul (This is a short book where you can devote a day at a time for 25 days on different aspects of improving your thinking.)
Also make use of Internet resources:
www.criticalthinking.org This website has numerous resource articles to expand your thinking on Critical Thinking.
http://www.rebtnetwork.org/whatis.html This is a website about Albert Ellis’ Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). His theory helps us see the need for critical thinking as many of our problems are based in our faulty beliefs. There are very helpful ideas on this website to help improve our thinking process.
Reflection:
Take some quiet time alone to think about your thinking. On a scale of 1-10 what is the quality of your thinking? (1 being very weak -- 10 being saintly perfect). I always tell my students never give yourself a 10 rating on a rating scale as in this life we always have room to improve even if we think we are a 9.99!
Brainstorm ways in which you feel you can improve in your critical thinking skills.
One of my friends told me she has issues with not having critical thinking. She was wondering whether it has anything to do with her personality or training deficit. Any thoughts ?
It is not a matter of not having critical thinking it is more a matter of developing our critical thinking skills. We are thinking all the time. Even when we are moving on autopilot the brain is processing the observations around us. The questioner mentions personality. There are personality theories that bring up the point that some people are more predisposed to be to be thinkers while others may be more of doers for example. When we look at those around us we do notice differences in people’s thinking. Some people jump right into different activities or relationships while others think through deeply before they make a move. This just shows we are different and unique. Our thinking skills fall on a continuum and on that continuum we can always rise to a higher level. The important point is that we can all improve our critical thinking skills which will help in every aspect of life, personal relationships, money matters, health, work, future plans, and ect.
Remember that critical thinking is not a negative activity of putting things down or having a negative cranky spirit. Vincent Ruggiero in his book Making Your Mind Matter shows that critical thinking is a positive activity of evaluating ideas from others and yourself in order to improve the ideas and choose the best one. This relates well as I previously mentioned Richard Paul and Linda Elder in their writings bring out that questioning is key to critical thinking. Ruggiero in his book, mentions a thinking style which I feel captures important features of critical thinking as it relates to daily challenges we all face. He calls it the WISE approach. This is one way in which to improve critical thinking in our life.
Wonder - Go through each day with a sense of wonder making note and observations of your experience and thoughts during the day. You may want to record key events problems, and thoughts relevant in a journal.
Investigate – With key problems or important issues do thoughtful research for solutions.
Speculate – Use the power of questions in relation to problems and life issues. Brainstorm creative solutions.
Evaluate - Try out the solutions to challenges you face during the day and look for the most effective ways to improve your life.
Another way to improve our thinking is Richard Paul and Linda Elder’s admonition that we should become a critic of our own thinking. Again this is not a negative hitting ourselves on the head , “Oh, I’m so stupid. I just can’t think!” No it is taking the time to “think about your thinking in order to make it better”, (Richard Paul). Take a seat back and ponder over your thinking, how do you think through issues facing you? What have been the circumstances that resulted from your thinking? How can you improve your thinking quality.
The being a critic of our thinking approach reminded me of a verse in the Apostle Paul’s writing 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV) “... and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” He is looking at our thought life from the spiritual standpoint of actively taking charge and control of our thoughts instead of drifting through our mental life on autopilot. The principle relates to all aspects of thought to be in control of our thinking and actively have our thoughts captive so we know why we believe what we believe and understand the thought process behind our actions.
Another important way to improve our thinking is as I mentioned in one of my early blog postings is to be a Bookhead. Read up on how to improve your thinking. We need to be life long learners. Here are a few book recommendations:
Critical Thinking – Tools for Taking Charge of Your Professional and Personal Life by Richard Paul & Linda Elder.
Thinking For a Change by John Maxwell. (Love that title!)
Making Your Mind Matter by Vincent Ruggiero
25 Days to Better Thinking & Better Living by Dr. Linda Elder & Dr. Richard Paul (This is a short book where you can devote a day at a time for 25 days on different aspects of improving your thinking.)
Also make use of Internet resources:
www.criticalthinking.org This website has numerous resource articles to expand your thinking on Critical Thinking.
http://www.rebtnetwork.org/whatis.html This is a website about Albert Ellis’ Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). His theory helps us see the need for critical thinking as many of our problems are based in our faulty beliefs. There are very helpful ideas on this website to help improve our thinking process.
Reflection:
Take some quiet time alone to think about your thinking. On a scale of 1-10 what is the quality of your thinking? (1 being very weak -- 10 being saintly perfect). I always tell my students never give yourself a 10 rating on a rating scale as in this life we always have room to improve even if we think we are a 9.99!
Brainstorm ways in which you feel you can improve in your critical thinking skills.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
The Importance of Choices in Our Lives
Recently I received an email comment on my posting Our Humanity Messiness and Choices. You can read the comment at that posting. The person rightly pointed out that some messes occur due to our being locked up by our holding onto false beliefs generated through culture, society, religion, family, and ect. The commentator then used the example that men often do not go for help with problems due to the false beliefs that they should be strong and figure it out by themselves. A false pride in self; which is only fear of breaking free from the belief controlling them. The email ended with victory in the power to choose to free oneself of the fears of false belief. So I wanted to look more at our power to choose.
We can face fewer false beliefs if we challenge them with critical thinking skills I mentioned in the post Living More Than OK By Using Critical Thinking Skills. I will discuss more on that topic as well in the future. Yet even using critical thinking is a choice we must make. I mentioned power along with choice. “The greatest power that a person possesses is the power to choose” J. Martin Kohe, (author and psychologist). We have amazing power for good possibilities and bad in our lives based on the choices we make. Hal Urban in his book Life’s Greatest Lessons says, “…we all have the potential to do more with our lives. Every human being is capable of making great strides in self development and major increases in achievements.” As I have mentioned before that is a driving force in my starting this blog --the desire to help people maximize their potential and possibilities in life.
Too many people fail to reach their potential because they feel they do not have control. They fail to see that each day is full of choices that affect our present and futures. Sure there are the flat tires that come in our lives. No one wakes up choosing to be stranded on the side of the road with a flat. Even then we make a choice to get out of the car to fix the flat or call Triple A to fix the flat for us. I am a firm believer in Chaos Theory. Happenstance happens. Yet when the stuff of life we cannot control come crushing in we still have a choice what to do in response. Even the response of allowing ourselves to be crushed by the circumstance is a choice. Been there, been crushed and don’t recommend remaining crushed for a length of time.
To maximize our living we need to see the positive choices we can make each day. Even to make lemonade out of the lemons that drop into our lives. One of my favorite Psychological theories, ( probably because I believe in the power of Choice), is Choice Theory by Dr. William Glasser. A central aspect of Choice Theory is the belief that we are internally, not externally motivated. While other theories suggest that outside events "cause" us to behave in certain predictable ways, Choice Theory teaches that outside events never "make" us to do anything. What drives our behavior are internally developed notions of what is most important and satisfying to us. … Another major concept in Choice Theory is the notion that we always have some choice about how to behave. This does not mean that we have unlimited choice or that outside information is irrelevant as we choose how to behave. It means that we have more control than some people might believe and that we are responsible for the choices we make. (from www.choicetheory.com). What is going on internally in us is more important than the externals that affect our life journey. We are responsible to make the best choices for our good and for those traveling on the journey with us.
I like Dr. Glasser’s thinking, as the quote states we do not ignore the external information. If I have a flat tire I don’t ignore it and keep driving. “ My the road sure seems to be bumpy!” Of course it is not the road it is the flat tire. If I ignore the external, the small problem of the flat tire turns into the big problem of a smashed rim and broken axle. That bigger problem was the result of my ignoring the small problem. So by understanding the power of our choices we can maximize our living and sidetrack many of our problems which are results of poor choices or choosing not to choose.
As you wake up each day understand that you, not others are in control of your choices. Make the choice to make choices that will be the best for your life journey and for those travelling with you. “It is the big choices we make that set our direction. It is the smallest choices we make that get us to the destination.” –Shad Helmstetter-
Reflection:
Do you take the time to use critical thinking in the choices you make?
How do you respond to the external flat tires in your life?
Are there some choices you need to make that may bring new possibilities to your life journey?
We can face fewer false beliefs if we challenge them with critical thinking skills I mentioned in the post Living More Than OK By Using Critical Thinking Skills. I will discuss more on that topic as well in the future. Yet even using critical thinking is a choice we must make. I mentioned power along with choice. “The greatest power that a person possesses is the power to choose” J. Martin Kohe, (author and psychologist). We have amazing power for good possibilities and bad in our lives based on the choices we make. Hal Urban in his book Life’s Greatest Lessons says, “…we all have the potential to do more with our lives. Every human being is capable of making great strides in self development and major increases in achievements.” As I have mentioned before that is a driving force in my starting this blog --the desire to help people maximize their potential and possibilities in life.
Too many people fail to reach their potential because they feel they do not have control. They fail to see that each day is full of choices that affect our present and futures. Sure there are the flat tires that come in our lives. No one wakes up choosing to be stranded on the side of the road with a flat. Even then we make a choice to get out of the car to fix the flat or call Triple A to fix the flat for us. I am a firm believer in Chaos Theory. Happenstance happens. Yet when the stuff of life we cannot control come crushing in we still have a choice what to do in response. Even the response of allowing ourselves to be crushed by the circumstance is a choice. Been there, been crushed and don’t recommend remaining crushed for a length of time.
To maximize our living we need to see the positive choices we can make each day. Even to make lemonade out of the lemons that drop into our lives. One of my favorite Psychological theories, ( probably because I believe in the power of Choice), is Choice Theory by Dr. William Glasser. A central aspect of Choice Theory is the belief that we are internally, not externally motivated. While other theories suggest that outside events "cause" us to behave in certain predictable ways, Choice Theory teaches that outside events never "make" us to do anything. What drives our behavior are internally developed notions of what is most important and satisfying to us. … Another major concept in Choice Theory is the notion that we always have some choice about how to behave. This does not mean that we have unlimited choice or that outside information is irrelevant as we choose how to behave. It means that we have more control than some people might believe and that we are responsible for the choices we make. (from www.choicetheory.com). What is going on internally in us is more important than the externals that affect our life journey. We are responsible to make the best choices for our good and for those traveling on the journey with us.
I like Dr. Glasser’s thinking, as the quote states we do not ignore the external information. If I have a flat tire I don’t ignore it and keep driving. “ My the road sure seems to be bumpy!” Of course it is not the road it is the flat tire. If I ignore the external, the small problem of the flat tire turns into the big problem of a smashed rim and broken axle. That bigger problem was the result of my ignoring the small problem. So by understanding the power of our choices we can maximize our living and sidetrack many of our problems which are results of poor choices or choosing not to choose.
As you wake up each day understand that you, not others are in control of your choices. Make the choice to make choices that will be the best for your life journey and for those travelling with you. “It is the big choices we make that set our direction. It is the smallest choices we make that get us to the destination.” –Shad Helmstetter-
Reflection:
Do you take the time to use critical thinking in the choices you make?
How do you respond to the external flat tires in your life?
Are there some choices you need to make that may bring new possibilities to your life journey?
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Making Time for Self Improvement
If we wish to live more than an ok life, one important area in our time management we need to include is time for self improvement. Through self improvement and self renewal we can spiral upwards to living more than ok. Too often in our lives the stuff of life snuffs out opportunities to take the time in our schedule to improve ourselves.
I like the metaphor in Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. In his seventh habit he calls it Sharpen the Saw. He looks at Sharpening the Saw as our taking time to improve ourselves in four areas of our lives: Physical, Social, Mental, and Spiritual. The Saw metaphor reminds us that we are a useful tool in our daily living with our work and interaction with others. Also as I have mentioned in the past we each have a purpose. Saws are purposeful when cutting wood, cutting limbs off trees, or cutting plastic/metal pipes to the correct length.
When our life is dull as a saw, it loses it’s effectiveness to fulfill it’s purpose. We become overcome with boredom and feel purposeless. The dullness also allows our lives to become out of balance and controlled by the stuff of life. We become stuck on autopilot with too many things happening to us instead of taking control and responsibility ourselves to make life happen for our advantage. The dull saw life is living just ok, getting by and enduring the sense of despair. A saw is not meant to be dull and rusty instead to fulfill its purpose, needs to be shiny and sharp. For maximum living we need to be shiny and sharp. That is what sharpening the saw is about.
Looking at the four areas Covey speaks of the first is the Physical. I have touched on this before. Are you taking time in your week for physical fitness? Three to four times a week you should be in some type of physical activity. I mentioned as a heart patient I exercise daily. I regularly use the treadmill and elliptical machines for aerobic exercise. I have also mentioned that my wife and I do a Leslie Sansone Walk at Home workout several times a week. Of course find out what works for you, gyms, neighborhood jogging, other dvd exercise programs of your choice. The key is to make it a part of your life rituals.
The second area is the Social. I haven’t discussed relationships yet in my blog postings but I will go more in depth in the future. As the saying goes, “No man is an island”. We all interact with others on a daily basis. That is why emotional intelligence is important. Managing and controlling our emotions to better improve our interactions with family, friends and strangers. Do you make time to improve your relationship connections with the significant people in your lives? Taking time to keep family strong and close relationships strong can keep your saw sharp and effective in your other interactions you face in life.
The third area is Mental. From my previous posting on critical thinking, you know the mental aspect of our lives is very important to me. We cannot be effective if our mind is dull. It hampers our thinking and causes us to make poor choices which then brings about negative consequences in our daily living. You can improve this area by becoming a Bookhead like me. Reading expand and strengthens our mind. Read more on topics you enjoy and expand your reading to new topics. You may also want to take a class at a local university or community college to sharpen your mind.
Then the fourth area is the Spiritual. One can improve in this realm of our being by following their religious heritage. As I have mentioned mine is the Christian heritage. For those without a religious heritage, who may consider themselves agnostic or atheist the spiritual can still have a place in taking time for Mindfulness Meditation, or taking time alone to reflect in nature. Those who follow a religious path need to place into their time schedule a daily time for spiritual development based on their particular teachings. I try each day to find time for devotion and prayer.
In closing, how is your saw doing? To live the best life possible we need to take control of our time and place in our schedules time for Sharpening the Saw. As we improve physically, socially, mentally, and spiritually we will have more energy and be more alert for the other major areas in our busy schedule. If we don’t it will be like sawing a tree with a dull rusty blade. We won’t get the job done and we may even break.
Reflection:
Rate yourself in the four areas: Physical, Social, Mental, and Spiritual. Which area are your strongest in? Which area do you need the most growth in?
What physical activities are you involved in?
How are you working to improve your most significant relationships?
How are you improving your Mental side of your life? Are you reading a new book? Have you considered taking a Continuing Education course at a local College or an online course?
Do you take time each day to improve your spiritual life?
I like the metaphor in Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. In his seventh habit he calls it Sharpen the Saw. He looks at Sharpening the Saw as our taking time to improve ourselves in four areas of our lives: Physical, Social, Mental, and Spiritual. The Saw metaphor reminds us that we are a useful tool in our daily living with our work and interaction with others. Also as I have mentioned in the past we each have a purpose. Saws are purposeful when cutting wood, cutting limbs off trees, or cutting plastic/metal pipes to the correct length.
When our life is dull as a saw, it loses it’s effectiveness to fulfill it’s purpose. We become overcome with boredom and feel purposeless. The dullness also allows our lives to become out of balance and controlled by the stuff of life. We become stuck on autopilot with too many things happening to us instead of taking control and responsibility ourselves to make life happen for our advantage. The dull saw life is living just ok, getting by and enduring the sense of despair. A saw is not meant to be dull and rusty instead to fulfill its purpose, needs to be shiny and sharp. For maximum living we need to be shiny and sharp. That is what sharpening the saw is about.
Looking at the four areas Covey speaks of the first is the Physical. I have touched on this before. Are you taking time in your week for physical fitness? Three to four times a week you should be in some type of physical activity. I mentioned as a heart patient I exercise daily. I regularly use the treadmill and elliptical machines for aerobic exercise. I have also mentioned that my wife and I do a Leslie Sansone Walk at Home workout several times a week. Of course find out what works for you, gyms, neighborhood jogging, other dvd exercise programs of your choice. The key is to make it a part of your life rituals.
The second area is the Social. I haven’t discussed relationships yet in my blog postings but I will go more in depth in the future. As the saying goes, “No man is an island”. We all interact with others on a daily basis. That is why emotional intelligence is important. Managing and controlling our emotions to better improve our interactions with family, friends and strangers. Do you make time to improve your relationship connections with the significant people in your lives? Taking time to keep family strong and close relationships strong can keep your saw sharp and effective in your other interactions you face in life.
The third area is Mental. From my previous posting on critical thinking, you know the mental aspect of our lives is very important to me. We cannot be effective if our mind is dull. It hampers our thinking and causes us to make poor choices which then brings about negative consequences in our daily living. You can improve this area by becoming a Bookhead like me. Reading expand and strengthens our mind. Read more on topics you enjoy and expand your reading to new topics. You may also want to take a class at a local university or community college to sharpen your mind.
Then the fourth area is the Spiritual. One can improve in this realm of our being by following their religious heritage. As I have mentioned mine is the Christian heritage. For those without a religious heritage, who may consider themselves agnostic or atheist the spiritual can still have a place in taking time for Mindfulness Meditation, or taking time alone to reflect in nature. Those who follow a religious path need to place into their time schedule a daily time for spiritual development based on their particular teachings. I try each day to find time for devotion and prayer.
In closing, how is your saw doing? To live the best life possible we need to take control of our time and place in our schedules time for Sharpening the Saw. As we improve physically, socially, mentally, and spiritually we will have more energy and be more alert for the other major areas in our busy schedule. If we don’t it will be like sawing a tree with a dull rusty blade. We won’t get the job done and we may even break.
Reflection:
Rate yourself in the four areas: Physical, Social, Mental, and Spiritual. Which area are your strongest in? Which area do you need the most growth in?
What physical activities are you involved in?
How are you working to improve your most significant relationships?
How are you improving your Mental side of your life? Are you reading a new book? Have you considered taking a Continuing Education course at a local College or an online course?
Do you take time each day to improve your spiritual life?
Monday, March 1, 2010
Our Humanity Messiness and Choices
In being open and accepting of our humanness we need to be aware that in our life journey we have a tendency to make messes in our lives. At times we are our own worst enemy towards living an abundant life which I term Living More Than OK. We fall into wrong behaviors or harmful thought patterns that affect our behaviors. Sometimes it is a negative reaction to chance events in our lives.
Looking at life with a Christian worldview I see the messes we create in life relate to the concept of the sin nature spoken of in the Bible. It is the observation that we fall short of perfection and many times fall far short. Two children fighting in school and a teacher stops them, how often will one student step up and say, “ to be honest, teacher I started the fight.” No instead without being taught they point at each other, “He started it!.” No one teaches us to lie it comes natural. These falling short moments often create messes in our lives that affect our life experience and many times those around us.. It is a struggle with our human nature that we fight with in our life. The Apostle Paul points out this inner struggle in his writings. “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. (Romans 7:15,18&19). It is that battle of choosing to do right or wrong.
The battle between doing what is right verses creating a new mess in our lives relates to our personal choices. From a Christian standpoint the ultimate choice in the battle relates to a faith decision in what Christ has done for us in His Death And Resurrection. But the little battles daily relate to personal choices as well. As Dr Shad Helmstetter says , “ Who knows what you could accomplish in life if you made more of the right choices along the way?”
We recently took our daughter up to Corpus Christi to a Switchfoot concert. They have a song on their new CD Hello Hurricane that relates to the topic of Overcoming messes in our lives. Watch the video of them, and reflect over the lyrics below.
Mess of Me (Click to watch the video)
I am my own affliction, I am my own disease
There ain’t no drug that they could sell, Ah there ain´t no drugs to make me well
There ain´t no drug
There ain´t no drug, There ain´t no drug, It´s not enough, The sickness is myself
- Chorus -
I made a mess of me I wanna get back the rest of me
I made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
I made a mess of me I wanna the get back rest of me
I made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
The rest of my life alive!
We lock our souls in cages, We hide inside our shells
It´s hard to free the ones you love, Oh when you can´t forgive yourself
Yeah forgive yourself!
There ain´t no drug, There ain´t no drug, There ain´t no drug, The sickness is myself
- Chorus -
I made a mess of me I wanna get back the rest of me
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna reverse this tragedy
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
The rest of my life alive!
There ain´t no drug, There ain´t no drug, There ain´t no drug, No drug to make me well
There ain´t no drug, It´s not enough, I´m breaking up, The sickness is myself
The sickness is myself
- Chorus -
I made a mess of me I wanna get back the rest of me
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna reverse this tragedy
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
The rest of my life alive!!
When we choose to let our messes control our lives we lock ourselves up. When I allowed my life to spiral into depression after a difficult time in Chicago I did lock up a lot of my spare time in my apartment. It was often a struggle to get out and do the right thing of doing things I enjoyed like exploring the art museum, various neighborhood activities and seeing people at church. It was more depressingly comfortable to stay in the shell of the apartment. The desire in the back of my mind was to “get back the rest of me” and “spend the rest of my life alive”. That was the choice I eventually followed
During that difficult period, I took the time to reflect on how I wanted the rest of my life to go. Times of meditation on the Psalms and solitude of prayerful reflection on my life journey helped me make better Choices. “Listen to the quietest of whispers of your mind…They are telling you the choices that will help you the most.” - Shad Helmstetter. It is during times of quiet solitude where we can think through our lives and our future possibilities with deeper clarity. So if you are in the midst of a mess or tired of a messy life; place into your time schedule time to have quiet time to reflect on the whispers of your mind. Make a weekend get away to just reflect on what you want to make your live more alive. To reflect over the future of your life journey and look at new possibilities for yourself.
Reflection:
Is there a mess in your life that makes you feel caged in?
How can you get back to being the you -- you want to be?
What will help you make your life more alive?
Looking at life with a Christian worldview I see the messes we create in life relate to the concept of the sin nature spoken of in the Bible. It is the observation that we fall short of perfection and many times fall far short. Two children fighting in school and a teacher stops them, how often will one student step up and say, “ to be honest, teacher I started the fight.” No instead without being taught they point at each other, “He started it!.” No one teaches us to lie it comes natural. These falling short moments often create messes in our lives that affect our life experience and many times those around us.. It is a struggle with our human nature that we fight with in our life. The Apostle Paul points out this inner struggle in his writings. “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. (Romans 7:15,18&19). It is that battle of choosing to do right or wrong.
The battle between doing what is right verses creating a new mess in our lives relates to our personal choices. From a Christian standpoint the ultimate choice in the battle relates to a faith decision in what Christ has done for us in His Death And Resurrection. But the little battles daily relate to personal choices as well. As Dr Shad Helmstetter says , “ Who knows what you could accomplish in life if you made more of the right choices along the way?”
We recently took our daughter up to Corpus Christi to a Switchfoot concert. They have a song on their new CD Hello Hurricane that relates to the topic of Overcoming messes in our lives. Watch the video of them, and reflect over the lyrics below.
Mess of Me (Click to watch the video)
I am my own affliction, I am my own disease
There ain’t no drug that they could sell, Ah there ain´t no drugs to make me well
There ain´t no drug
There ain´t no drug, There ain´t no drug, It´s not enough, The sickness is myself
- Chorus -
I made a mess of me I wanna get back the rest of me
I made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
I made a mess of me I wanna the get back rest of me
I made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
The rest of my life alive!
We lock our souls in cages, We hide inside our shells
It´s hard to free the ones you love, Oh when you can´t forgive yourself
Yeah forgive yourself!
There ain´t no drug, There ain´t no drug, There ain´t no drug, The sickness is myself
- Chorus -
I made a mess of me I wanna get back the rest of me
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna reverse this tragedy
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
The rest of my life alive!
There ain´t no drug, There ain´t no drug, There ain´t no drug, No drug to make me well
There ain´t no drug, It´s not enough, I´m breaking up, The sickness is myself
The sickness is myself
- Chorus -
I made a mess of me I wanna get back the rest of me
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna reverse this tragedy
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
The rest of my life alive!!
When we choose to let our messes control our lives we lock ourselves up. When I allowed my life to spiral into depression after a difficult time in Chicago I did lock up a lot of my spare time in my apartment. It was often a struggle to get out and do the right thing of doing things I enjoyed like exploring the art museum, various neighborhood activities and seeing people at church. It was more depressingly comfortable to stay in the shell of the apartment. The desire in the back of my mind was to “get back the rest of me” and “spend the rest of my life alive”. That was the choice I eventually followed
During that difficult period, I took the time to reflect on how I wanted the rest of my life to go. Times of meditation on the Psalms and solitude of prayerful reflection on my life journey helped me make better Choices. “Listen to the quietest of whispers of your mind…They are telling you the choices that will help you the most.” - Shad Helmstetter. It is during times of quiet solitude where we can think through our lives and our future possibilities with deeper clarity. So if you are in the midst of a mess or tired of a messy life; place into your time schedule time to have quiet time to reflect on the whispers of your mind. Make a weekend get away to just reflect on what you want to make your live more alive. To reflect over the future of your life journey and look at new possibilities for yourself.
Reflection:
Is there a mess in your life that makes you feel caged in?
How can you get back to being the you -- you want to be?
What will help you make your life more alive?
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