How Is The Fire In Your Life?

Back on June 12th , 2012 I presented some thoughts from a book, A Tale Of Three Ships, written by Dwight Edwards. If you did not read that post you may want to in the near future. I recently read through his latest book, Kindling For The Fire: Meditations to Warm the Heart and Ignite the Spirit. Dwight is effective at using metaphors and analogy to bring his points out in improving the reader’s life. This book is a devotional spiritual guide looking at the attributes of fire in relation to a person’s relationship to God. Kindling For The Fire is a book to be enjoyed read slowly to gain the depth of the richness of his writings.

He mentions that there are over 90 references to fire in relation to the nature of God and our relationship to him. One of my favorite references to this is Malachi 3:3,” And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver: and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold & silver, that they may offer unto the Lord an offering in righteousness.” This relates well with Job 23:10 “But He knows the way I take; He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.” Refining is intense fire and pressure used in precious metals to remove impurities and increase the worth and value of the precious metal. Part of the relationship daily walk with God is to allow him to apply heat to our lives to improve so that we are closer in living a Christ like lifestyle. Our lives are more worthwhile in purpose if we are open to the refiner’s fire in our life.

Even though Dwight’s book focuses in on the spiritual life I began to think after reading it how the analogy of fire relates to other aspects of life. The phrase “fire in the belly” often is connected to one’s motivation for interests in life. A salesman who has a passion for a product or service is considered fired up with excitement in selling. A person who has a passion for a hobby has “fire in the belly” for that hobby. I feel that is because fire is a source of energy.

Just think of the sun. It is a fireball about 93,000,000 miles from the earth. That far away, the heat and energy of the sun provides life on our planet earth. Fires provide heat for homes and cooking. Therefor it is an easy analogy to link the energy internally we have for our passions in our life as a fire. What happens when the fire goes out? When we have darkness we have lack of energy. Think through times when your power has gone out. Your life is much more difficult as you stumble around in the darkness. I remember during hurricane season when we were out of power for several days. That was not an enjoyable time being without energy.

There are times where we should do a check on how the fire is going in our lives. These are times to consider if the fire of passion in relationships, work, or hobbies has been going down to just embers. If coldness is setting into life there is a need to kindle the fire within to renew a passion for the things in life that are the most important to you.

Reflection: Considers the areas of your life: spiritual, mental, emotional and physical. Also look at relationships, work and leisure hobbies. What is the level of the fire of passion and energy in those areas? What can you do to rekindle the fire in your life in the areas where coldness is setting in?

Connecting Persistence With Goals

Persistence – As long as we are persistent in our pursuit of our deepest destiny, we will continue to grow. We cannot choose the day and the time we fully bloom. It will happen in its own time. –Dennis Waitley--

Goals – What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. – Henry David Thoreau –

For the past couple of years with the blog I have been writing I have had a long term goal of turning the blog into a book on Living More Than OK. I am a big believer in the importance of having short term and long term goals to accomplish more in life. The accomplishments vary from person to person depending on their dreams. Of course just having a goal written down in a journal or on a poster does not make it come to pass. There is another key ingredient needed to make the goals come to life or blossom.

Persistence is that other ingredient. According to Merriam Webster persistence is “the quality that allows someone to continue doing something or trying to do something even though it is difficult or opposed by other people.” Trying to accomplish a goal in life is difficult and there often numerous obstacles trying to stop us. The obstacles can be people or things. Persistence is that internal drive that keeps us plodding towards the finish line of our goals. This internal driver helps us to not give up when the mountain feels too high to climb.

My long term goal of the book had come down recently to a short term goal. I couple of quarters of my PhD in General Psychology ago I thought I could have it done but life got in the way. As I neared the end of my Summer quarter I made a short term goal to have my final editing done of the book project during the 3 week break before my Fall classes. Pesky obstacles still cropped up but this time I finished my final edit before the Fall quarter classes began. Now I am at the point of contacting a self-publishing company to get the final product finished.

Thinking of the two words Goals and Persistence we can learn from the two quotes listed above. The Thoreau statement on goals challenges me as I have always focused on achieving through goals. In his statement Thoreau makes me think of character and values that are enhanced through accomplished through goals. For example in the goal of my book for focus should be what I have learned through the process instead of gain from the profit of the book. Writing especially is a risk you don’t know with self-publishing if you will recoup the costs expended. The important issue should be getting thoughts and ideas out that may help someone in their search for truth or personal self-development improve in their life journey.

In the Dennis Waitley quote on persistence the key word for me is grow. Persistence helps us to keep up with the hard work even during difficulty to keep spiraling up into higher levels of personal growth. If we stop growing we stagnate then whither and shrivel up instead of blossoming. God in his timing causes us to blossom in the goals He has placed in our minds. Think of a flower bud such as a rose. A person can’t force the bud to open into a flower without tearing it up or deforming it. Our goals need hard work and the patience of persistence to allow them to come to fruition.

Reflection:
What goals are you working on in your life? How do you see your personal persistence driving you internally to finish your goals? In your past have there been times of difficulties that with persistence you overcame?

Calling and an Elevator Operator

An important element to our work life is connecting with the Calling aspect of our work life. Often Calling is misunderstood as being only for spiritual related careers as a person is Called to be a minister or missionary. I view Calling as that which makes our work meaningful. The areas of our work that brings the inner satisfaction as we look back upon a workday knowing we made a difference. A website that I enjoy reading and listening to the podcasts concerning the topic of life/work calling is www.thehighcalling.org .
The website presents stories and articles about the importance of our work. We spend a significant portion of our lives doing this thing called work. From the stories on the website I have found a deeper appreciation in how to look at my work settings from a Callings angle. It helps in exploring new ways to create meaning in the workplace.

I want to share one of the stories presented on the website by Howard Butt Jr. about an elevator operator, Bruce Renfroe, in New York City. The links to the highcalling video and a more in-depth Guideposts article about the man can be found below after the reflection.

Mr. Renfroe was a cleaner in the Metro system and enjoyed his work but after a stroke he could not return to his work. He was then transferred to be an elevator operator. He shared how he found the job very boring and noticed people in the elevator never spoke. This made me think of my years of living in Chicago. Elevators were always a place where everyone just faced forward with stoic faces and never made a sound. Mr. Renfroe wondered if he could make a difference to these robotic group of emotionless people. He started off by making a joke one day and noticed a passenger laughed. He then put up a poster, and brought in a houseplant. Then he added a small radio playing jazz music and had his Bible on a small table. Those changes in the atmosphere of the elevator started the people talking and enjoying the short ride down to the metro train stop. Some mornings a rider would ask him to read a Bible verse to inspire their workday. Other days a jazz song would be requested. At that point he realized he was enjoying his job again. What started out as ways to perk up his riders’ day was a boost to bringing meaning to what started as a boring job for him. This story touched me as I remember some of the Chicago buildings that would have an elevator operator. It always made the ride better to have a cheerful worker in the elevator. It also shows how Calling can be added into any job.

The story made me think of my work and what aspects of it relate to calling. Where am I making a difference in the world and lives around me? The answer to that question is where we move beyond the mundane of everyday work and move higher up into the calling of our work. In the living more than OK life, work is an area where we need to see how we can spiral up to abundant life even in our job, not just marking time until Friday. I am amazed how the Guideposts article ends about Mr. Renfroe. “Some people say, ‘Thank God it’s Friday because they can’t wait to start their weekend.’ Bruce said, ‘Me? I say Thank God for Monday because that’s the day I go back to work.’”

Reflection: In what ways can you add a sense of calling into your work world? What would our work places be like if we had Mr. Renfroe’s attitude about Monday mornings?


http://www.hudsonsclass.com/Documents/Freshman/Renfroe.pdf article copied from Guideposts

video http://www.thehighcalling.org/video/work/elevator-operator#.Uj-X4oaTidQ

Conquering Stress With Flow

After finishing a term paper for my Social Psychology course in my PhD program I reflected over one article I had read about showing the importance of leisure activities. The article looked at how our leisure activities can act as a stress reliever in our lives. The researchers mentioned in the article how participants shared their activities moved them into a flow state of mind. As I have mentioned in the past, Flow is based on the research and observations of Dr. Mihalyi Csikszentmihali. It is that state of mind and emotion where the person is totally absorbed in an activity they enjoy and have a high skill level to match the activity. There is a sense of timelessness and ownership in doing the activity. Dr. Csikszentmihalyi’s research came from observing people involved in sports activities and the arts. So he was observing people doing their leisure activities and hobbies. He found that nine primary elements made up flow: having clear goals, immediate feedback, skills met the challenge at hand, focus of action and awareness, ability to overcome distractions, lack of worry, lack of self-consciousness, a sense of timelessness, and activity becomes intrinsically enjoyable.

From looking at the elements of flow described it is clear how Flow activities can aid in stress reduction. By being absorbed is something you enjoy doing, there is less worry, the mind is more focused and there in more internal joy in your life, These elements of Flow can counter act against stress. With stress having such negative effects in our health and overall life experience it is helpful to know by building time into our lives to do special activities we enjoy can help relieve stress.

Flow acts as a change agent that helps move the internal state of our mind and emotions to being more calm and joy filled. As stated at the beginning, flow is based on the observational research work of Dr. Csikszentmihalyi. He spent time observing rock climbers, chess players, dancers and other such activities for many years. Then with a questioning mind thought why did they spend so much personal time in those activities? He found they had a deep sense of enjoyment in the activities. There was also a skill enhancing aspect they held to internally. If you think about it the dancer wants to improve her skills and learn new dances. The rock climber wants to climb new areas. And artists wants to continue to improve in their paining style. He created the term flow to stand for the sense of optimal experience the participants felt inside with their absorption and enjoyment into the activity.

The article I mentioned that especially caught my mind is based on a research study to consider how leisure activities can counter stress and build resilience in individuals. Their participants were a varied group of adults from Canada. They made use of focus groups and grouped the people in related categories. The topics of the groups revolved around discussing stress in their lives and then discussing what did they do in their leisure that helped relieve the stress thus making them more resilient to stress. Some of the activities mentioned by the participants were doing puzzles, exercise, playing musical instruments, knitting, dancing and reading. My favorite is in the list is reading. Some of the resulting effects in the participants were feeling a sense of balance, renewed, and recharged. For many, the activities allowed them to put the stressors of life in perspective by taking their minds off the stress and being absorbed in the activities they found enjoyable. This sounds very much like the effects of flow in a person’s life. Many of the activities mentioned were activities that required a level of skill enhancement and they were activities the people deeply enjoyed. This is an important aspect to flow activities so that people do not tire of them as there is always room to grow in the activity with new understanding and new skill. What the researchers were describing was very similar to Dr. Csikszentmihaliyi’s observations of people who were involved with flow activates. This shows that flow has a positive effect in relation to stress.

From reflecting over the preceding literature on flow there can be seen positive connections to how flow can help people overcome stress by doing activities they enjoy. The mentioned connections between flow and increased inner motivation can aid in the strengthening of the building blocks of resilience which help conquer stress. The important question do we take the time to involve ourselves in such activities?

Reflection – What are your favorite activities and hobbies? Do these activities help in lowering stress in your life?

Iwasaki, Y., Mactavish, J., Mackay, K. (2005). Building on strengths and resilience: Leisure as a stress survival strategy. British Journal of Guidance & Counseling, 33. 81-100. Doi: 10.1080/03069880412331335894.

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy and The Mind

Last week I was looking at the power of music for positive effects in our lives. So I thought I would zero in on a song this week. It is another song by Amy Grant off her How Mercy Looks From Here – CD. I want to focus in on the importance of the initial lines of the song. The words relate so well with self-fulfilling prophecy from our self-talk; that defeats us keeping us away from an abundant life. Self-fulfilling prophecy is when we allow our thoughts from our self-talk take over and the results are what we have been feeding our mind. For example let’s say a person is dreading a meeting at work on Monday. He keeps repeating to himself that something terrible is going to happen. Low and behold at the meeting things do not go well for him and afterwards he states, “I knew something bad was going to happen today”. That is self-fulfilling prophecy in action.

Click on the title of the song to listen to Amy Grant sing the song and focus in on the beginning lyrics.

"Not Giving Up" Amy Grant

If you think you're gonna fail Well, you're probably gonna fail
So tell me, what was all the dreaming for? And if you think you're gonna lose
Well, you're probably gonna lose So what's the point in trying anymore?

What you're looking for, you'll find It happens every time

I'm not giving up, Not giving up on you
You can say you've had enough But I won't stop calling,
I'm not giving up, Not giving up on you, Not giving up on you

When your fragile heart is breaking And your confidence is shaken
I can tell you that we've all been there before The first step is hard to take
But it's a choice you gotta make When life is waiting through that open door

I wish that you could see The way you look to me

I'm not giving up, Not giving up on you
You can say you've had enough But I won't stop calling,
I'm not giving up, Not giving up on you, Not giving up on you

Oh, not so long ago, You pulled me through

So I'm not giving up, Not giving up on you
Even if the rain comes down And your sky is falling
I'm not giving up, Not giving up on you
You can say you've had enough But I won't stop calling,
I'm not giving up, Not giving up on you
You know we can work this out If we just keep talking
I'm not giving up, Not giving up on you , Not giving up on you

Cause is you think you have a chance, Then you really have a chance
I hope you know that I believe in you

The opening lines of the song discuss the mental choices of negativity that many choose to repeat in their self-talk – “I’m gonna fail or I’m gonna lose”. If the mind is filled with that type of mindset a negative result will occur. I have seen it time and time again in the lives of students and clients. The descriptor words we feed our minds do have an impact. The question at the beginning of the song can be heard from people who allow negative self-talk to control their minds. So what's the point in trying anymore? So people give up and choose to just exist with OK living and spiral down in to further negativity. Their confidence continues to weaken as the see negative results in their lives totally unaware that it all goes back to the self-fulfilling prophecy of the negatives they are feeding their minds with.

That is why it is so important to take time to think through what we are saying to ourselves. The self-talk we feed our minds with have a direct correlation to the outflow of our choices and actions. That is what is important about the line “But it's a choice you gotta make When life is waiting through that open door.” We need to make choices about what we want in and of our lives each day and in the future. We can only spiral up to abundant, living more than OK, living by having a positive mindset that comes from feeding our minds with positive self-talk. Making the use of positive self-affirmations, positive quotes, scriptural promises are what can create the mindset that can give us powerful wise choices that improve our lives for the better. Dr. William Glasser in his book Choice Theory states, “When you learn that you are almost always free to make better choices, the concept that you choose your misery can lead to optimism. This new awareness is a major redefinition of your personal freedom.” (Page 77)

What the song is getting at relates to the Dr. Glasser quote in that through our choices we can change the self-fulfilling prophecy. We do not have to continually fail or lose all the time. We all will fail at times as that is one way we learn. But changing the mindset to that there is a chance for success moves us towards having more opportunities to have more success in our overall life.

Of course a larger point in the song is that it also helps to have those around us who build us up by never giving up on us. There is a sense of reciprocity in the phrase “Oh, not so long ago, You pulled me through”. As others help us we need in turn to help others not to give up. Why I stressed the beginning lines is, yes, it is good to have others believe in us. But bottom line, you can have a group of people who believe in you, but if you do not believe in yourself nothing will change. We each need to be in charge of making right choices to make positive changes.

Reflection: What kind of mindset is guiding your choices – positive or negative? Do you have a friend or friends in your life that do not give up on you? Where does God fit into the picture of not giving up?

Positive Impacting Music To Live More Than OK

I was doing research on aggression for a class in my PhD program a week ago and my focus was to see the relation between music and aggression. I chose that because I believe music is a powerful force. It is one activity many people of all ages enjoy. Occasionally I will run into someone who hates music but most people either love music or at least enjoy it. When it comes to music should we be careful to what we listen to? I believe there are positives and negatives in most facets of life and to live the best life possible we should feed our mind with that which is the most positive. Today I want to share some of my thoughts on the importance of positive music as well as some of the information from various research.

I first began to think of just instrumental music and its effect experientially on people. A study out of Germany (Krahe & Bieneck. 2012) looked at how music affects the mood of listeners. They used two groups of listeners one listening to hardcore techno music and the other group listened to calm relaxing classical music. Those who listened to the heavy techno music did have higher levels of feelings of aggression and tension after listening. Those who listened to the calmer music had less tension and lower aggression levels. So this showed how even just the style of music may have an effect on emotional responses to those hearing the music. So, just the music alone has a physical effect on the listener. This does not mean listening to heavier beat music will turn someone violent as there are other factors. Actually when I am busy on organizing material or driving I prefer faster tempo music to keep my mind focused. Yet when needing to rest I prefer classical or smooth jazz.

One concern I have is the high levels of alcohol and drug abuse in our culture. A relevant study on music and substance abuse looked at various music styles and substance abuse among the listeners (Chen, Miller, Grube, & Waiters, 2006) . They found a high level of lyrical content about drugs, alcohol and violence in rap and heavy rock music songs. An interesting point that stood out to me is that with rap music many of the artists promote malt liquor and it just so happens in the study the highest use of malt liquor was among listeners of rap music. I am concerned about this as I am a big believer in the work of the organization Natural High. They seek to encourage school age students to think of natural ways to be high instead of using drugs and alcohol. Their website is naturalhigh.org. There are too many lives destroyed due to drugs and alcohol and there are so many positive ways to enjoy life instead of the phony myths that promote drugs as a good thing.

There was also a study of the negative effects of rap with College males using rap music (Barongan and Hall 1995). They used two groups one listening to positive rap that looked at social justice issues. The other group listened to sexual aggressive rap that spoke of women in a negative light. The participants were then to view video clips to share with a female confidant of the study. Those who listened to the positive rap leaned towards showing a video clip that was neutral to the female confidant participant. Those who listened to the sexual violent rap were more inclined to show the female participant in the study a video that was sexually demeaning. These researchers felt that the results backed up other studies in the literature that sexually violent rap does lead to a tendency towards negative views and aggression towards women. I have many college students in my classes, who list rap and hip hop as their favorite music style. This is disconcerting when I hear what they are filling their minds with lyrically. It reminds me of the old computer programming phrase, “Garbage In, Garbage Out!”. I tried a search for positive rap artists and none of the famous artists show up. That is because most of their rap songs are garbage promoting a demeaning view of women or promoting violence. . It would be nice to reach a point in the world, when all the women and men with critical thinking skills would walk out of a rap concert when the rappers start one of their derogatory misogynous songs, leaving the rappers standing in an empty concert hall all by themselves.

I am not encouraging censorship as I believe in the constitutional right of free speech. What I encourage people to do is think about what they listen to and support musicians that promote positive music to impact our living the best life possible. Here are some of my favorite musicians that I find as being very positive:

Phil Keaggy -- www.philkeaggy.com An amazing guitarist and singer/songwriter

Keiko Matsui -- www.keikomatsui.com My favorite smooth jazz pianist

Tom Braxton -- www.tombraxton.com Fantastic Saxophonist!

Switchfoot -- www.switchfoot.com A band introduced to me by a former TSTC student. They write songs that make one think about life and the afterlife.

Matthew West -- matthewwest.com A very inspiring singer/songwriter/storyteller

Lecrae -- www.lecrae.net A rapper who is trying to make a difference with rap music.


Reflection – Who are musicians and music styles that you like and find very positive? Check out a couple of the websites I list above and try out some new music.

References
Barongon, C. & Hall, G.C. N. ( 1995). The influence of misogynous rap music on sexual aggression against women. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 19. 195-207

Chen, M., Miller, B.A., Grube, J.W. & Waiters, E.D. Music, substance abuse, and aggression. Journal of Studies on Alcohol, May, 2006


Krahe, B. & Bieneck, S. ( 2012). The effect of music-induced mood on aggressive affect, cognition and behavior. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 42. 271-290.

Lowering Poverty One Library At A Time

A few weeks ago I went into my local library to see their new books in circulation. I came across the book, Creating Room To Read: A Story of Hope in the Battle for Global Literacy. It is by John Wood, who left a lucrative job with Microsoft years ago to follow his passion. A passion many would think crazy since he was making great money at Microsoft. His dream and passion was to build school libraries around the world in Third World nations. His aim was to promote reading and education.

Since I love reading I thought a story of someone encouraging literacy and reading around the globe would be a great read. I was not disappointed. Through the book I saw how one person who had personally been enriched in his life through reading saw the power of reading. His underlying goal with starting Room To Read was to have children everywhere in the world to have access to books in their own language. His resulting hope was to increase education in poor areas which would result in lowering poverty rates. Literacy would unleash in children to dream big dreams for their futures.

One emphasis that came across through the book was the emphasis to help especially young girls in countries where they are short changed in the educational process. Some of the countries mentioned in the book where libraries and also schools were built are: Bangladesh, Cambodia, Nepal, India, Sri Lanka, Zambia, and many more. Part of the dream that developed too was when John realized that teaching these young children in English was helpful, but the children also wanted books in their own language. What they found was that many of the countries did not have children books in the various languages. So a whole new publishing arm of his dream came to pass to create new books in the various languages for the children. This opened up opportunities for authors in the various countries as well. It was like seeing Dr. Jim Bright’s Chaos Theory of Careers in action.

Each chapter of the book is an exciting journey to see the excitement of children around the globe being able to read books. Schools gaining libraries with actual books in them when before there were just empty shelves. Whole villages would come out and celebrate the new libraries that they had a part in building. As part of the library development was built into the program, by having local ownership by either sweat equity involved in the building process, or paying a portion of the building process. It is an excitement that needs to keep pace in our country as well if we want to keep dreams, creativity, and mental growth alive in our young people. Here is the US the emphasis on a steady diet of videos is turning our young people into passive non-thinking zombies. So book reading needs to be an important part of education here in the US as well.

I was glad John Wood shared that the passion for his endeavor to build libraries around the globe came out of his personal upbringing. He shares how his parents brought him up to appreciate education. He also gained an early love for reading that stayed with him over the years from his mother. He shares in the book a quote from his grandmother that shows that the importance of reading went back several generations, “If you have a good book in your hands, you will never be lonely.” (page 29). Obviously his early love for reading was the impetus behind a dream that has helped build thousands of school libraries in poor communities around the world.

John Wood could have stayed in the comfort and prosperity of his job at Microsoft. Instead he took the risk to leave it behind for a passionate dream of creating hope and dreams in the lives of young children around the world. His dream is a positive change agent in improving young lives through the importance of reading and books in the lives of children. Only time will tell how this affects each of the children’s futures.

Click here – John Wood Room To Read-- to listen to a short Youtube video by John Wood about his organization.

Reflection – Why is reading important to you? How can you help promote reading in our country and around the world? Here is the website for Room to read. Check it out and see the great work they are doing around the world: www.roomtoread.org