Gratitude Is Helpful Beyond Thanksgiving

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of the virtues but the parent of all others.” Cicero- Roman politician and philosopher

“I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds” (Psalms 9:1)

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Every Thanksgiving I make sure I do a blog post about the importance of being thankful. As I state in my book, Living More Than OK, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

This year at the college since it is Thanksgiving week I did a lecture in my College classes on the importance of being grateful in our lives. I could have given a quiz or test right before the holiday but I thought it would be better for the student’s lives to think through some positive psychology research on the emotion and attitude of gratitude.

I shared with the students information from some research studies on gratitude. They were based on the work of Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003) as well as Wood, A. M., Joseph, S. & Maltby, J. (2009). I have links to the articles listed under the reflection in today’s post.

The quotes I have listed above show the importance of gratitude in life. Cicero felt it was the parent of all virtues. In the Bible we are encouraged to have thankfulness in our inner most being as well as be thankful in all the experiences in our lives. Thankful in every circumstance t is sometimes hard as in October I shared, I was not too thankful for going into heart stent surgery but again I must confess it saved my life.

I discussed with the students some of the benefits from the research about gratitude. I was also able to bring to their attention research from the most recent issue of Live Happy magazine. In their December edition, Paula Felps, writes about the physical and mental benefits of gratitude from the research of Dr. Sara Algoe at University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Grateful people according to research are happier. They find more satisfaction with their life and social relationships. Grateful people are also more positive in their ways of coping with difficulties. They have less stress and depression (I have seen this develop in clients I have worked with in therapy as they reframe from depression to thankfulness). So you can see there are many benefits to being a thankful and grateful person.

Gratefulness does not mean the storms of life will go around us. No, we still are hit with difficulties in life but if we keep a grateful spirit we can bounce back and often learn from our experiences to help others.

At the end of the class we went around the room and each person shared one thing they were thankful for. Most of the gratefulness revolved around family. In each class one person spoke out about being thankful for being alive. That means a lot to me again this Thanksgiving. I am thankful for my family – my wife and daughter but I have a renewed thankfulness for living. Being so close to the October stent surgery where one artery was 99% closed reminded me of 15 years ago when I had 2 arteries 99% closed. Each time I have never suffered an actual heart attack. They have always been caught and unblocked before an actual heart attack. For me that is a miracle and something in both cases I am thankful for.

This Thanksgiving take time to be grateful at some point in the day. Then remember with the benefits of gratefulness isn’t it a good idea to keep the spirit of Thanksgiving going all during the year?

Remember comments are always welcome.

Reflection: What are 3 things you are grateful for this Thanksgiving? How can you be more thankful throughout the year? What does it mean to you to “Give thanks in all circumstances”?

Here is a Youtube video of gratefulness quotes. Which is your favorite quote?

Quotes about gratitude and thankfulness
www.youtube.com/watch?v=IW1uD6FozHU


Here are links to 2 of the articles I shared with my college students

Article by Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003).
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/pdfs/GratitudePDFs/6Emmons-BlessingsBurdens.pdf

Wood, A. M., Joseph, S. & Maltby, J. (2009)
http://www.academia.edu/176467/Gratitude_predicts_psychological_well-being_above_the_Big-Five_facets

Positive Psychology and Kindness in Montreal

Last week my wife and I enjoyed a mini-vacation in Montreal Canada. My primary purpose was to enjoy learning at the International Positive Psychology World Congress. I was thankful for the opportunity to share in a roundtable discussion time my dissertation research on flow activities and at-risk college students. My wife’s main purpose was to rest and relax from her work. The IPPA congress provided a wide range of topics on how to help people flourish in their life journey and how to help individuals focus in on well-being. These are topics that I focus on in my book, Living More Than OK. It was my first time to attend one of their World Congress’s.

This week’s post I will share just a few points that meant much to me from the congress. Several of the initial speakers I listened to spoke of the research that shows the importance of acts of kindness for our well-being. An important happenstance event happened the second day to illuminate what I had heard. My wife and I in the afternoon planned to take the metro train to Montreal’s Botanical garden. We went to the Metro station near our hotel and bought tickets. As we went to the turnstile my wife went through without a hitch. I went through then and the metal bar would not move. We tried the ticket several times. Several people passed by and then a man our age came over and asked in a thick French Canadian accent what was wrong. We explained the situation and he tried that ticket as well. He then told my wife to go down to the train platform and wait for me. He then told me to follow him. We walked down a separate stairwell and he took me to another entry point in the same station where there was a worker in the ticket booth. He explained in French what had happened to my wife and I, visitors from the US. The agent apologized for our inconvenience and let me through and I reconnected with my wife. I thanked the gentleman for his help and he went his way.

The other pictures here are from the Botanical Garden green houses. It was a rainy afternoon but their Garden had the best greenhouses we had ever experienced. Looking back at the event the man’s act of kindness was a true life example of what I had heard from several of the initial speakers at the conference. That kindness towards others is helpful in a meaningful way to all parties in the experience. The man did not have to stop as he could have acted, just as others, who had passed us by. Instead he went out of his way to take me to a ticket agent, who could help with my ticket problem and explain our problem in French. We were thankful to find people like that in Montreal.

Back to other meaningful learning points from the IPPA Congress. One of the more enjoyable sessions was a presenter in one of the round table sessions I attended. There were two presenters at the table and both did admirable jobs on their research presentations. The one I preferred was Annie Norman, who is the State Librarian for the State of Delaware. She was sharing about her state library’s research on the study of lifelong learning of readers in their libraries through a tracking system they have created. They provide useful journals that patrons can use to reflect on their reading. Since, I emphasize being a Bookhead in my book, Living More Than OK, when I saw her presentation listed on-line I could not pass it up. Being an avid supporter of libraries and reading programs I could not pass up her presentation. Her information did not disappoint. It was wonderful to hear from a librarian who understands how the services of libraries can inculcate human flourishing in the lives of the communities they serve.

My favorite session of the ones I attended was Saturday listening to Drs. Steger of Colorado State University & Russo-Netzer of University of Haifa, Israel, speak to the issue of purpose and meaning in their session, “More Than Skin Deep”. They pointed out the reality too often people are busy being busy or live in a survival mode instead of being truly alive. This connected with me, since I emphasize to people to move beyond being just OK to be Living More Than OK.

Their focus from what I picked up focuses in on being mindfully aware of searching and finding meaning in your life. This reminded me of Dr. Seligman of University of Pennsylvania in his keynote discussion where he shared research on the importance of meaning in having a flourishing life. I appreciated their emphasizing being intentional in your life as too many clients I have helped are too often just running on a negative autopilot through life and not being intentional about the choices they make in life. I see this in college students I work with as well. Another important point was encouraging us to take reflection time to visualize and draw out an icon or poster in response to the question “Know your Why?”. We add significance to our lives when we take time to understand the why force in our lives. The presenters made good use of group interaction even though it was a packed room.

Another important point they brought to light was in a discussion to the question “What is being fully alive?”. They helped with the myth on positive psychology that it is about being happy all the time. Some of our life highlights that lead to learning are not always happy. My parents’ deaths were not happy, my job loss in Chicago was not happy, other struggles on my journey have not been happy but finding the meaning in the 20/20 of hindsight adds to the meaning of life.

It was a great vacation to see the beautiful city of Montreal and for my wife to have a much needed break from her work. The congress time also added more lifelong learning to my life experience.

Reflection: What does being “fully alive” mean to you? Take a day sometime just to think through and reflect on “knowing your Why” – draw of a poster or icon about it.

Life Wounds Can Be Bearers of Light

One myth about positive psychology is that it just focuses in on happiness and ignores the difficulties of life. That is so far from the truth. Yes it does provide research on happiness which of course is a good thing, as who does not want to be happy. Just think of it, even our Declaration of Independence speaks of happiness, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness….”. Still, positive psychology does speak to the illnesses and hurts that affect mankind. The principles they research can aid in overcoming hurts and wounds that are realities in our life journey.

I thought of this as I was listening to Switchfoot’s latest CD, Where The Light Shines Through. I want you to focus your attention to the lyrics of their title song. As always, first click on the title and listen to the video of the song

"Where The Light Shines Through" Switchfoot (click on the title to hear the song)

When you're feeling like an astronaut
Stuck on a planet even time forgot, and
You're a version of yourself, but you're not the same
You try to keep the wound camouflaged, and
The stitches heal, but the years are lost, and
Another bottle on the shelf can't numb the pain

Why're you running from yourself now?
You can't run away

Cause your scars shine like dark stars
Yeah, your wounds are where the light shines through
So let's go there, to that place where
We sing these broken prayers where the light shines through--
The wound is where the light shines through
Yeah, the wound is where the light shines through

Ain't we all just Abraham's son?
Saint and sinner with the song and drum, and
We're fallen on our knees, we all bleed the same
And the only tattoos I have are scars
I got your name written on my heart
And the story that brought us here ain't the thing that changed, no

I wanna see that light shining
Brighter than the pain

Cause your scars shine like a dark star
Yeah, your wounds are where the light shines through
So let's go there, to that place where
We sing these broken prayers where the light shines through
The wound is where the light shines through

Mama, ain't the blood just proof I'm human?
Mama, ain't the wound just retribution?
Well Mama, ain't the scar like a vision of grace?

The wound is where the light shines through
The wound is where the light finds you
The wound is where the light shines through
The wound is where the light finds you
Your scars shine like dark stars
Yeah, the wound is where the light shines through
It's where the light shines through
Yeah, yeah, it's where the light shines through
Yeah, the only time to our heart, oh oh
It's where the light shines through
Where the light shines, where the light shines through
Where the light shines though
It's where the light shines through

As I listened to the song I thought of times of wounds in my life. Back in Chicago there were wounds of hurtful relationships, memories of my mom’s death and oldest brother’s death. There were work difficulties and times of wondering what should be my direction in life. Over the years I have worked with students and in counseling practice I have observed many people’s life pains and wounds. The song speaks truth in that while we go through life wounds, we can feel as if we are outside of life like outer space as we experience pain because we know the pain is not where we are meant to keep living. You feel as if you are somewhere, where God has forgotten you. Some people hide the pain as I made mention in my book, Living More Than OK, some can smile and say “everything is OK while living in the pain”. Others turn to substances like drugs or alcohol, “Another bottle on the shelf can't numb the pain”. Like hiding they find substances do not help with the pain long-term.

The song encourages facing the pain and learning from the wounds that come into our lives. The lyric phrase “Well Mama, ain't the scar like a vision of grace?” to me points out that our wounds can be a turning point to learn more of God’s Grace in our lives. Letting the light shine though our wounds breaks the hold of life pains on us and bring us back to earth where we can serve others who are hurting.

The song writer reminds us that we are all fellow brothers and sisters who each have our own wounds and scars. As we let the light shine through we can learn to grow in our lives and learn to be better people helpers to those around us. I have met people who after the fact are thankful for the tough times they went through as they became stronger in their life journey because of the difficulties and wounds they faced. As I look back of course I did not enjoy in the moment, my life difficulties but they have helped in serving college students as I can be real with them about what they will face in their futures. The past difficulties have been helpful in serving counseling clients, as I can encourage those hurting that the light will shine through in their lives if they do not give up.

Reflection: Think through some of your wound times in your life. In looking back do you see some light shining through that you learned from? How have the hardships and difficulties in your life journey made you a better person today?

Make Time To Be Blown Away

I recently heard a song by singer/songwriter Josh Wilson which captures what I try to get across in my book, Living More Than OK and this blog. Our life is to not be settled or stuck in ordinary okness or stuck in a serious frenzy of hectic mundane activity. We are meant to live in a continual growth cycle of moving higher up into new levels of abundant living. We are to be refreshed by mindfully appreciating the little miracles and beautiful moments God brings into our pathways but we are often too busy to notice.

The song reminded me of years ago when I was listening to lectures on Positive Psychology by Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar. There was one lecture where he was reminding the importance of slowing down to notice the little beauties in life, “stop and smell the roses”. The thought is simple and in reality; taking note of the little treasures in life would add so much in relieving the stress in our days but we choose not to break out of our hectic rush mode.

Take a few moments to listen to Josh’s song and read my reflection on what I felt was important in the song.

Blown Away by Josh Wilson (click on title for song video)

She's dancing like a crazy fool
From the kitchen to the dining room
And she tells me, 'Baby, life is way too short to be too cool.'
She says, 'When did we get so serious?
Can we just all stop acting unimpressed?'
There's a hundred million miracles in front of us passing by

God open my eyes
I wanna be blown away!
By your extraordinary grace every ordinary day
Blown away!
By your great big love in every little place
I wanna slow down look around
God please show me how to stop and be amazed

I wanna be blown away!
Blown away!
I want to see a sunset
And have to stop and catch my breath
O I never want to forget
How you take a dead heart and bring back to life again
When did we get so serious?
Can we just all stop acting unimpressed?
There's a hundred million miracles in front of us passing by

God open my eyes
I wanna be blown away!
By your extraordinary grace every ordinary day
Blown away!
By your great big love in every little place
I wanna slow down look around
God please show me how to stop and be amazed

I wanna be blown away!
Blown away!
The Earth is full of heaven
Cause you're always breaking through
Put the wonder back inside these eyes
God, I don't want to miss you
When did we get so serious?
Can we just all stop acting unimpressed?'
I wanna be blown away!
By your extraordinary grace every ordinary day

Blown away!
By your great big love in every little place
I wanna slow down look around God please show me how to stop and be amazed
I wanna be blown away!
Blown away!
I wanna be blown away! Blown away! Yeah!
I wanna be, I wanna be blown away.

The first set of lines in the lyrics catch my attention where we are challenged with the shortness of life so why do we spend so much time being serious and unimpressed instead of enjoying the journey. That hit home to me with my health, as I just took a heart scan the other day that reminds me of high calcium buildup in my heart arteries. So I am reminded of the shortness of life. So why just keep moving in OK mode of just getting by. The time I have left on this earth I should listen to the call of the song to be blown away with enjoying life.

The question I think of is how can I be blown away? One important way for me came in the lines, “I wanna slow down look around, God please show me how to stop and be amazed.” Take a mindful approach to life of being aware of the miracles in each day, the beauty of creation, loving acts of grace in relations with people around me. The song writer is calling out to God to help him with this. That is actually a good prayer to pray each day. If we are mindfully aware throughout the day we will be impressed and amazed with all that has happened instead of unimpressed and stressed out.

Consider the savoring of enjoying God’s creation in the lines, “I want to see a sunset, And have to stop and catch my breath.” Sometimes if I have finished seeing clients for counseling and am driving home when there is a beautiful sunset I will get off the highway and take the backroads. That way I can drive and enjoy the sunset as it helps with the commute home.

Those are just a few thoughts that stand out to me in the song. Now it is your turn to think through what were the important points that touched your heart and mind in the song lyrics. How do you want to wake up each day? Do you want to wake up unimpressed with a sense of dread “Oh, another day!”? Or do you want to wake up with a “I wanna be blown away” attitude looking at your day with a sense of amazement and wonder? The choice is there for each of us!

Reflection: What parts of the song stood out to you? What does it mean to you to be “blown away”? I mentioned Dr. Tal Ben-shahar in the beginning of the article – take time to go to his website www.talbenshahar.com on the home page click on videos and watch one of his videos. Think through what he says about happiness and positive psychology. What do you think about it?

Learning to Thrive in Life

The Christian music group, Casting Crowns, is one my of wife’s favorites. Their latest CD is entitled Thrive. The title song relates well with what I write about in my book, Living More Than OK, and in this blog. Merriam Webster defines thrive as “to grow or develop successfully : to flourish or succeed”. That thought makes me immediately think of Dr. Seligman’s book, Flourish, where he describes how concepts within positive psychology can aid in our humanity so as to develop to fully flourish and enjoy life.

Let’s see what we can learn from the song to be thriving in our lives. First look over the lyrics and take time to listen to the song by clicking on the title:

Thrive by Casting Crowns ( click on title to view the music video)

Here in this worn and weary land Where many a dream has died
Like a tree planted by the water We never will run dry
So living water flowing through God we thirst for more of You
Fill our hearts and flood our souls With one desire
Just to know You and To make You known
We lift Your name on High Shine like the sun make darkness run and hide
We know we were made for so much more Than ordinary lives
It's time for us to more than just survive We were made to thrive
Into Your word we're digging deep To know our Father's heart
Into the world we're reaching out To show them who You are
So living water flowing through God we thirst for more of You
Fill our hearts and flood our souls With one desire
Just to know You and To make You known
We lift Your name on High, Shine like the sun make darkness run and hide
We know we were made for so much more Than ordinary lives
It's time for us to more than just survive We were made to thrive
Joy Unspeakable, Faith Unsinkable, Love Unstoppable, Anything is possible
Joy Unspeakable, Faith Unsinkable, Love Unstoppable, Anything is possible
Joy Unspeakable, Faith Unsinkable, Love Unstoppable, Anything is possible
Joy Unspeakable, Faith Unsinkable, Love Unstoppable, Anything is possible
Just to know You and To make You known
We lift Your name on High Shine like the sun make darkness run and hide
We know we were made for so much more Than ordinary lives
It's time for us to more than just survive We were made to thrive
Hey! We were made to Thrive

Mark Hall and Matthew West the song writers look at life from a Christian worldview which is the same viewpoint I look at life from. The ideas though can relate to all people I believe. We all have times where we are living in a worn and weary land. Matter of fact recently I have been feeling that way on many days. It can also be argued that as a country we have been facing worn and weary times, economically, socially, and war-wise with the Middle East turmoil. What is pointed out in the song is that is not the way we were meant to live our lives. Our purpose in life is not to just survive. Being purpose driven we thirst for more than just survival mode.

Just as the definition of thrive states, we need to look at ways to grow. The song starts out with the vision of a tree planted by water so it has a continual source of growth. Throughout the Psalms in the Bible is the idea of thirsting after God. For example in Psalm 42:1 & 2 “As the deer pants for the water brooks, So my soul pants for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.” As well in Psalm 63:1 “O God, thou art my God; earnestly will I seek thee: My soul thirsts for thee, my flesh longs for thee, In a dry and weary land, where no water is.” From a spiritual point of view the answer is looking outside of ourselves and connecting with God. Tapping into the Spirit’s power source we do not have to run and hide from life. We can move beyond our ordinary lives and thrive as we are meant to be.

The repeated line at the end, “Joy Unspeakable, Faith Unsinkable, Love Unstoppable, Anything is possible”, speaks to joy, faith, love and endless possibilities. For me this looks back to the initial line where the lyrics say:

“Where many a dream has died”. If we are open to God’s work and power in our lives dreams can be renewed. We can shine in the worn and weary land being lights of joy and love to those around us. God can open new possibilities that are blocked when we settle for living in survival mode instead of thriving mode.

Reflection: What does “Joy Unspeakable, Faith Unsinkable, Love Unstoppable, Anything is possible” mean to you? What worn and weary land are you facing right now? How can you move more towards a thriving life?

Reflections On The Past Of Living More Than OK

This week I am doing personal reflections on the beginning inspirations of my blog, which turned into my book. My hope is that it will give you a deeper feeling for where I am coming from in emphasizing continual self-improvement which that I call, “Living More Than OK”.

Photo credit: dhilung / Foter.com / CC BY


How It Started

When I think back to the year 2009, I am still thankful for having the privilege to take the course on Positive Psychology with lectures by Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar. That opened my mind in a deep manner about the wellness model within psychology. His encouragement at the end of the course was to seek ways to promote positive psychology concepts. It was after that when I began to think about starting my blog. Of course negative self-talk filled my mind with -- who would bother to read anything I wrote. Still by reframing my thoughts, I settled on if doing it, even if it helps only a few people live a better life. Writing the blog I felt was worth the effort.

The Role of Boredom

At first thought in 2009, the word boredom came to my mind as I thought through how I viewed how many people live their lives. Then discussions with my College students about how boredom negatively affected their studies and personal lives further intrigued my thinking for the need to encourage positive psychology principles. All of this moved me to read research articles on the subject. It made sense that a life of boredom increases negative effects in daily life. A tragic example of this was seen in the Summer of 2013 in Oklahoma as three teens murdered a college age baseball player as he was jogging. Reports stated the teens were bored and simply killed him for some excitement.

Of course that is an extreme case for most people, the boredom of life means wasting their life away. Too many live below their potential, which I have observed in many college students by their own admission in discussions. I have seen the same in work settings over the years. That is why I stated back in 2009, just OK living is going through the motions with no purpose or meaning. I don’t see it as a way the best way of living.

We were created for a better life than just surviving.

The words of Jesus that inspired my study came from “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life and that they may have it more abundantly." (John 10:10). This is more the way I think we should be living life. Abundant living is living life to the full.

Photo credit: Just Mary Designs / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

What is the goal of life?

Boredom steals from our living and destroys and in some cases sadly, even kills. Abundant living and practical ways to live to our full God given potential is what I have always tried to explore ins this blog and hope to continue to do in the future.

The first questions I posed back in 2009 still hold true for me today: How can we continually move beyond boredom to living a joyful and abundant life? A continual growth mindset of “Living More Than OK” realizes that as we grow beyond what is ok in our life we plateau to a new level of ok-ness. So, the goal of abundant living is to not settle on the plateaus, but to keep growing to new levels of “Living More Than OK”. That is what I have been trying to get across in this blog over the years.

Reflection:
How does boredom in life negatively affect you? What are ways you have learned to keep your life moving to new levels of living more than ok?

Photo credit: ecstaticist / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

Tears of Joy Sets Us Free

Positive psychology and spirituality principles are not about us living a carefree life with happy smiles plastered on our face continually. The reality of our life journey, places us in hardships and times of sorrow from time to time. Some of us have more hardships than others. Some of us have higher mountains to climb and lower valleys to go into. The good news is we don’t have to stay in the dark valleys or remain on the arduous climb up the mountain. We can have times of exhilarating joy on the mountain top or restful joy in the valley meadows by still flowing streams of refreshing delight. The concept of positive psychology principles is to help people have more joy in their journey as they move out of times of grief and sorrow.

A song that comes to mind on this topic is “Tears of Joy” by Tuck and Patti. It is a simple song with a pleasant jazz feel and joyful energy. Take a listen to it by clicking on the title and soak into your spirit what they are saying in the lyrics.

Tears of Joy by Tuck & Patti

I can see the trace that sorrow has left upon your face
And being realistic I know there are some things that
Time just won't erase

But still I'm coming to you gently and there's one promise I can make
Beside of every tear that sorrow has left you Tears of joy will take their place

Tears of joy – hey Wash you clean Come on and let them set you free!

Hey sometimes I know life can make you feel like you don't know what to do
But once there comes a time when you must settle down And feel the presence of the One who loves you

Oh yes I'm coming to you gently and there's one promise I can make
Besides of every tear that sorrow has left you Tears of joy will take their place

Tears of joy – hey Wash you clean Come on and let them set you free!

If I could fly I'd fly straight to you Surround you with my love

You'll be crying tears of joy – yeah Wash you clean Come on and let them set you free!

Improvisation:

Come on say, and let those tears set you free say come on now you'll be crying tears of joy
Oh tears of joy You'll be crying tears of - you'll be crying tears of joy
Say joy now joy real joy say tears Tears of joy yes
You'll be crying tears of joy ah - they say that tears can wash you clean
And set you free set you free You'll be crying tears of joy
I'll surround you with love You'll be crying tears of joy.

The song starts off looking at the reality of life. There are times of sorrow and we can often see it visibly in people’s countenances. Some of those times are so full of deep grief they leave scars that time can not erase. We can move beyond the time of grief but sometimes there are physical scars or emotional ones that on certain times of the year trigger memories of the person or event. I know that is true in my life as there are days of the year when I can remember some of the difficulties I faced or important people that passed away.

When dealing with friends or family going through times of sorrow it is important to listen to the phrase, “I’m coming to you gently”. In sorrow people need the caring presence of others not glib “You’ll get over it” or “ The Bible says all things work out good!”. In the depths of sorrow the individual is not ready to see any good in the situation. In the midst of the confusion of these times in our life there is time to set time aside, and to settle down and rest. It is then that we can feel the presence of the One who loves us. I capitalized the word One as for me in my spiritual worldview, I look at it as being open to experiencing God’s presence during difficult times. I do not know if that is what the song writer meant. Holding on to God in difficult times has been a great help to me in the times of sorrow I have experienced.

Now what about the promise made in the song, ” Beside of every tear that sorrow has left you Tears of joy will take their place”. What does that mean? It probably means something different to every person reading this. I remembered in Brownsville after a hurricane would pass by with the stormy rains a clear sunny day would come. Many times after a hard rain storm there is joy in seeing a rainbow. These can become metaphors for the harsh reality of our difficulties in life. After times of tearful sorrow, tears of joy can come into our life. The time period is different for all of us. The writer uses tears of joy to move in to wash us clean. As we move into the phase from sorrow to joy we experience a refreshing of our spirits as they have been cleansed. We are then set free from the chains that sorrows bind us with. Free to live with joy on the journey. Again remembering on those certain days memories will come but in the renewed freedom even those days of remembrance can be celebration of what the person meant to us if it was a time of grief. Or if it was a disaster that affected us, the days of remembrance can be a time to reflect on what we learned to improve ourselves through the experience.

Reflection – Reflect over one of your times of sorrow. How did you move into a “tears of joy time” through the experience? Think over how the difficulties in your live have affected your life journey. Also think through the lyrics, “If I could fly I'd fly straight to you surround you with my love”. How can you show love to someone going through difficulties?

Living With a Grateful Heart

When we are caught up in the malaise of okness it is easy to focus on complaining how boring life is. We then spiral into more negativity and get caught up in a cycle of just existing and the habit of complaining. Some complaining can be useful if it realistically is discovering a problem to solve, or providing an impetus to improve. Yet all too often we keep on with the complaining, and habitually gripe -- that mires our thought lives with negativity. A positive way of breaking this cycle is to look at life with a grateful heart of thankfulness.

"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." - Epictetus

“Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.” -Margaret Cousins

"I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder." - G.K. Chesterton

The above quotes relate to having a grateful heart. Being grateful in our daily attitude is to focus on being thankful concerning what we have and the good things in our past that have helped mold us to who we are at this present point in time. Being thankful for parents, teachers, friends, and influential heroes that have shaped our present brings inner joy. This helps to counter the blame game of victimhood. Gratefulness for our present situation is a contentment that guards against complaining about what we don’t have.

The sense of appreciation that comes from a grateful heart changes our life for the better. It can break the cycle of negativity if we are in the habit of complaining. Building the habit of a grateful heart will also affect the lives of those around us. For example, when you smile or say “have a nice day”, to a tired sales clerk you can see an immediate body language change as they return a smile and say thanks. Try it on your next shopping trip. Give a smile to the worker at the counter and you will notice a difference. Too many complain, “That store clerk was rude”; “the waitress was so unfriendly”. Maybe they just need a smile to remind them of how they should be. So our appreciative nature may influence others to be more thankful and happy as well.

The Chesterton quote pointed out to me that gratefulness can lead us to a sense of happy wonder. A deep spiritual joy can grow in our inner being as we look at the small things around us, and see how a simple thing like a rose in the garden brightens our day. Noticing the little miracles in life will lead us to having an awe-filled day instead of an awful day. We have a dear friend, Cathy Matovich, who manages a birding store,( Wild Bird Center), in the Chicago area. She gave us a Hummingbird Feeder on our Summer trip to Chicago. We have it hanging on our back patio and there is a sense of joyful awe of God’s creation as we watch our hyperactive little friends flitting about enjoying the nectar from the feeder. We can appreciate God’s creation as we enjoy our morning coffee while watching the birds.

I have had my times in the negative complaining mode, so I can appreciate the experiential difference of living in a more appreciative mindset. In a Positive Psychology class I am taking online; this past week’s lectures have touched on the issue of gratefulness. It is helpful to see the research on the topic. Here are some Samples of research on being grateful that can be found at this website by Dr. Emmons—
http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/labs/emmons/ . From looking at the research it is seen that having gratefulness in our daily living has physical health benefits for better health, positive mental health benefits, increased happiness levels, and higher levels of personal success. That is what Living More Than OK is all about.

Many religious traditions speak to the subject of thankfulness and gratefulness. As I have mentioned in past postings, my spiritual heritage and personal worldview comes from a Christian standpoint of having a personal relation with Christ. Here at the following website are samplings of verses on the importance of being thankful from the Judeo Christian viewpoint:

http://www.wisdomportal.com/Gratitude/Gratitude-Bible.html

Ephesians 5:19 & 20 Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

The two verses above are a couple of my favorites on gratefulness. Ephesians 5 speaks to our interpersonal communication that it would be positive in nature. Speaking to each other with Psalms and hymns with an attitude of thankfulness. Philippians 4:6 speaks of overcoming anxiety by the act of spiritual prayer in an attitude of thankfulness. We may not be blissfully happy about everything that is happening to us but by keeping a thankful heart we are better able to cope with life difficulties.

Take 15 minutes to think over two things you are grateful for in your life. How does the reflection over these things make you feel? Is there a person or persons related to what you are grateful for?