Quieting the Noise of Anxiety

For anxious clients I have worked with over the years their inner lives are often all but quiet. Inner self-talk rattling off often irrational worries and negative self-beliefs keeps their minds noisy and their life restless. Coming across the book, Finding Quiet, by J.P. Moreland I felt it might be a practical tool for aiding those struggling with anxiety. After reading it I felt it was much more than that.

J. P . Moreland is the Distinguished Professor of Philosophy at Talbot School of Theology, Biola University in La Mirada, California. He is a Christian philosopher and apologist, who speaks globally about the Christian faith. I have never heard him in person but I have heard a number of his videos that are on Youtube concerning Christianity and Science, and videos about the Christian life. His speaking is impressive and exudes such confidence so when I read his book, Finding Quiet, I was surprised to read about his struggle with anxiety, panic attacks and depression. His book is a helpful guide on those mental health issues but the much more -- is his honest telling of his journey in overcoming mental health issues of anxiety showing the reality of a “thorn in the flesh” life struggle instead of a quickie Christian miracle.

Coming at life with a Christian worldview, I do believe Jesus is still in the miracle business yet in most of our lives our reality is God coming along aside our journey. Through the storms of life and our healings physically and mentally are often a process He helps us through. I share in the beginning sections of my book, Living More Than OK, of life difficulties that led to depression which took time to conquer and still pops up into my life. What I enjoyed about Finding Quiet, is that J. P. Moreland honestly shares his difficulties and the holistic manner of attack that has helped him live and flourish beyond anxiety.

I will touch on a few highlights of things that helped him in his battle with anxiety. I do encourage you to look for his book online in paperback and ebook. Also you can check with your local library as another way to find a copy of this enjoyable read.

One of the most important points he brings out in his book in the importance of self-compassion. I like how Moreland says it, “It’s actually all right with God if you are nice to yourself!” (page 56). In this section he brings out the truth of Jesus’ teaching in Mark 12:31 “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Then also Luke 6:31 “do to others as you would have them do to you.” We can’t be loving and compassionate to others if our self-talk is full of negative put downs on ourselves and we have no love for self. Of course Jesus is not telling us to go to the extreme of being narcissists. The truth rings true in listening to those being controlled by depression or anxiety their self-talk is often full of negativity towards themselves and their lives. I remember to this day much of the negatives I placed on myself during my past deep depression.

On self-compassion he brings out 4 points that should be heeded by all of us in how we treat ourselves. 1) adopting feelings and attitudes toward oneself that are not oppressive and harsh, 2) setting aside being inordinately self-judgmental…e.g. I am such a failure…, 3) not slandering and demeaning oneself, 4) not beating oneself up and demeaning oneself.” (pages 57&58). That piece of insight in and of itself is worth your time in reading his book.

Another point he brings out that is so helpful with anxious and depressed people is the importance of an attitude of gratitude. He mentions much of the research done by Dr. Emmons of UC Davis, who is a prolific researcher on gratitude. His studies have shown the mental and physical health benefits of being grateful. I often recommend the thankfulness journal idea which many have found helpful in reframing how they look at events in their daily lives. If we look for things in our daily lives to be grateful for, we can then see the sun rays often come through the cloudy events of difficulties in our day.

I also appreciated his thoughts on reframing our negative self-talk to positive and he brought out the concept of meditating on God’s word. Taking time to quietly reflect meditatively on God’s word is important in shaping our self-talk in a positive fashion. With client’s from a Christian worldview I often discuss meditating on verses of the Bible that relate to their concern or the use of meditating on the Psalms. With those of differing worldviews, (e.g. Buddhism, Hinduism, or Atheism), I encourage them to look at their religious tradition literature and meditate on thoughts from their traditional worldview. Mediation and learning to slow down is so important to quiet down the anxious mind.

These are just a few of the ideas Dr. J. P. Moreland provides in discussing his journey. I encourage you to read his journey to gain a fuller viewpoint on these point he makes as well as other ideas. As a Counselor I am thankful he encourages those truly struggling to seek professional help. He honestly shares experiences that show in the Christian community there is still stigmas about those seeking profession help with mental issues. I often tell my college students when a family member goes to a doctor for a broken ankle or an illness such as diabetes there is immediate support. “Oh my poor Uncle Joe, he is down with diabetes. How can we help him.” But let Uncle Joe go to a Psychiatrist for depression. “Hey did you hear Uncle Joe is off his rocker? He went to a shrink.” Thankfully there are people of Dr. Moreland’s stature who are honest and open to show there is nothing wrong with getting help for something like anxiety so he can continue to be more effective for God.

Reflection: What do you feel when you hear a friend or family member is dealing with depression or anxiety? Have you battled with any mental health concerns? Here is a link to one of my favorite Dr. Moreland videos on Youtube give it a listen is it is worth your time. It is titled Loving God With All Your Mind -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3pTZgiqcwM

Gratitude Is Helpful Beyond Thanksgiving

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of the virtues but the parent of all others.” Cicero- Roman politician and philosopher

“I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds” (Psalms 9:1)

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Every Thanksgiving I make sure I do a blog post about the importance of being thankful. As I state in my book, Living More Than OK, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

This year at the college since it is Thanksgiving week I did a lecture in my College classes on the importance of being grateful in our lives. I could have given a quiz or test right before the holiday but I thought it would be better for the student’s lives to think through some positive psychology research on the emotion and attitude of gratitude.

I shared with the students information from some research studies on gratitude. They were based on the work of Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003) as well as Wood, A. M., Joseph, S. & Maltby, J. (2009). I have links to the articles listed under the reflection in today’s post.

The quotes I have listed above show the importance of gratitude in life. Cicero felt it was the parent of all virtues. In the Bible we are encouraged to have thankfulness in our inner most being as well as be thankful in all the experiences in our lives. Thankful in every circumstance t is sometimes hard as in October I shared, I was not too thankful for going into heart stent surgery but again I must confess it saved my life.

I discussed with the students some of the benefits from the research about gratitude. I was also able to bring to their attention research from the most recent issue of Live Happy magazine. In their December edition, Paula Felps, writes about the physical and mental benefits of gratitude from the research of Dr. Sara Algoe at University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Grateful people according to research are happier. They find more satisfaction with their life and social relationships. Grateful people are also more positive in their ways of coping with difficulties. They have less stress and depression (I have seen this develop in clients I have worked with in therapy as they reframe from depression to thankfulness). So you can see there are many benefits to being a thankful and grateful person.

Gratefulness does not mean the storms of life will go around us. No, we still are hit with difficulties in life but if we keep a grateful spirit we can bounce back and often learn from our experiences to help others.

At the end of the class we went around the room and each person shared one thing they were thankful for. Most of the gratefulness revolved around family. In each class one person spoke out about being thankful for being alive. That means a lot to me again this Thanksgiving. I am thankful for my family – my wife and daughter but I have a renewed thankfulness for living. Being so close to the October stent surgery where one artery was 99% closed reminded me of 15 years ago when I had 2 arteries 99% closed. Each time I have never suffered an actual heart attack. They have always been caught and unblocked before an actual heart attack. For me that is a miracle and something in both cases I am thankful for.

This Thanksgiving take time to be grateful at some point in the day. Then remember with the benefits of gratefulness isn’t it a good idea to keep the spirit of Thanksgiving going all during the year?

Remember comments are always welcome.

Reflection: What are 3 things you are grateful for this Thanksgiving? How can you be more thankful throughout the year? What does it mean to you to “Give thanks in all circumstances”?

Here is a Youtube video of gratefulness quotes. Which is your favorite quote?

Quotes about gratitude and thankfulness
www.youtube.com/watch?v=IW1uD6FozHU


Here are links to 2 of the articles I shared with my college students

Article by Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003).
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/pdfs/GratitudePDFs/6Emmons-BlessingsBurdens.pdf

Wood, A. M., Joseph, S. & Maltby, J. (2009)
http://www.academia.edu/176467/Gratitude_predicts_psychological_well-being_above_the_Big-Five_facets

Heart Caths, Gratefulness, and Prayer

In my last post I shared about taking a positive look at my first heart catheterization and stenting of the blocked artery. That was a few weeks ago. Last week I had a second heart cath for another blocked artery they could not do the 1st time. As I look at the tiny dot of an incision I am amazed at the technology available now to help with arterial blockages. About 15 years ago I had two 99% blockages and these two now were 99% and 80%. My hope is that I do not have to go through any more in the future.

As I have been thinking and reflecting over the past few weeks I am grateful for being alive. I remember in my 40’s with the first blockages my cardiologist told my wife I would have died in my sleep if they would have not taken me to the hospital. I remember back to that time realizing since I was that close to death but did not experience a heart attack, as they did the heart cath just in the nick of time. I came out of that with a renewed sense of purpose and gratefulness to God as I was given a second chance.

Now looking at this time of heart artery blockages, it is like having a third chance at a renewed life and purpose. Not many people get that. I remember 3 weeks ago with the first procedure one of the surgical techs asked what music I wanted to hear at the start of the surgery and I said “classical”. Another tech responded with “I think he said classic rock”. Remembering that Tom Petty had just passed away from heart failure I said “Let’s go with Tom Petty music to remember him”. So as I drifted off I heard Tom Petty’s ‘I Won’t Back Down’ playing.

With the blockages removed I find I am breathing better so I am grateful for the renewed energy and just the ability to breathe easier. As I came home from both procedures my wife and daughter were a big help to me so I had a renewed sense of gratitude for family realizing some people don’t have family so have to be in hospitals longer or go into nursing care.

As I mentioned in my last post on positivity, my father had died of arteriosclerosis at age 58 when I had just turned two in October of that year. So with this happening in October I thought about my father’s death. He was a good man and a hard worker so I have carried the good I had heard about him throughout my life. I will continue to press on to be here for my family. I am renewed in finishing my PhD dissertation in Psychology. I know I am alive for my wife and daughter and any other purpose God has for me. I see in the future, more teaching of college students and counseling of hurting people so they can move higher up in living an abundant life.

Lastly I found myself grateful for prayer and it’s power. I have many friends from Facebook and churches, we are involved with, who were praying for my two heart procedures. Knowing about the prayers provided comfort and hope in going through the heart procedures. I am thankful to God for honoring the prayers of many people and mine in giving me this third lease on life.

Feel free to leave a comment.

Reflection: Have you had a second chance experience in your life? How grateful are you for the simple things in life such as just breathing and the family and friends in your life? Are you grateful for some of the life difficulties you have faced?

Overcoming Worry In Living More Than OK

Many of the clients I work with struggle with anxiety. Of these, many of them struggle with excessive worry. I have had my share of excessive worry moments that have interfered with my life over the years. I am always looking for new resources on various mental health topics so I was glad to come across Worry No More! 4 Steps to Stop Worrying and Start Living, by Bruce Van Horn. Bruce is a writer, speaker and life coach. You can learn more about him at www.brucevanhorn.com.

Bruce in his book openly shares in a transparent manner his own personal struggles in life in relation to worry and anxiety. He rightly points out that if we are honest we all worry as it is natural. Worry in the best light can be seen as a built in thought warning system. The problem is when we let worry take over and we lose control over the thought process. We then let worry get us stuck in passive anxiety mode instead of actively moving in a positive problem solving mode. He encourages the reader to move towards really living in life instead of being stuck in worries.

One main emphasis in the book is how our thoughts are so important in guiding us into a life worth living. As he states on page 32, “Because our thoughts guide our behavior, and it is through our behavior that we create things, it reasons to say ‘thoughts become things’”. When we let worries get out of control and move to anxiety we need to understand as Bruce did in his life that our main problem is a thought problem.

One major turning point in his life was when he decided to move from negative thinking to a gratitude thinking by using a gratitude journal. I speak of this idea in my book, Living More Than OK, when I discuss the research on gratitude in my chapter on Thankfulness. He found that the simple move from negative worry thoughts to positive gratitude thoughts created a positive gain and benefit in his behaviors and building of further sound thinking. So he found it was possible to move from excessive worry to a more balanced positive outlook on life. A positive outlook does not stop devastating events from occurring. The bad things in life still occur and Bruce honestly shares some tough difficulties he faced even after his awareness of changing his thoughts. What he found was that devastating events do not have to devastate our future. We have with our mind and inner spirit great ability to rebound and create new possibilities.

In the book he provides a number of other book resources and tips to make use of, to really start living in your life. One tip that stood out to me was to stop being a negative critic of yourself and become your own best encouraging coach. Build up uplifting positive self-talk. Of course make it realistic but make sure the positives you say to yourself outweigh the negatives. Bruce speaks to this on page 59, “If you will constantly practice speaking kind, uplifting, encouraging, and motivating words to yourself, you will begin to develop an inner-strength and self-love that will allow you to endure hardships with more confidence…” Think through what he is saying in that statement. Be honest and reflect what kind of self-talk is programing your thought life? Are you tearing yourself down or building yourself up?

In his discussion of exercise he presents a helpful tie-in of exercise with mindfulness with the idea of “observation walks”. He says use some of your walking time not to plan out things in our life. Instead use the walking time to clear the mind by intentionally noticing what is in your environment while you are walking. Take note of the flowers and nature around you as you walk. What he is describing is the essence of mindfulness in being mindful of the present moments in your walk.

Bruce has numerous other ideas in his book. The final one that stood out to me is when he was sharing about his faith in a Creator God he shared a verse from Proverbs 29:18 “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” He speaks in this section how he believes we are each created by a Creator to live a life of purpose. I happen to share the same worldview concept. If we stay focused on discovering and following the purpose we are on this life journey for, we will find fewer reasons to allow worry to conquer our lives. As we let the worries go we can be freed up to enjoy Living More Than OK and Start Living.

As I stated I was in this post, just touching on a few of his ideas that stood out to me. Get a copy of his Worry No More! To find out other ideas he shares.

Reflection: What have been some of your worries that in retrospect you can laugh at yourself over them? How can you be a better encouraging coach to yourself? Go to a park or lake and try an “Observation Walk”. How did it feel and what did you learn?

Choose Your Ways for Inspired Living

On our life journeys we often look for inspiration to help and guide us through the days when we settled into plateaus of mediocrity or are overwhelmed by life’s demands. At these times I myself appreciate looking at other people’s thoughts on the life journey and seek to learn from them. Live The Life Of Your Dreams by Laura Ponticello is such a book. She provides 33 inspiring tips to help in the continual growth of the inner life. Laura is an author, personal coach, and motivational speaker. You can find out more about her at lauraponticello.com

Although her books are geared towards women, the principles can be appreciated and connected to the life journey of men as well. In this book her 33 life inspiring tips revolve around 7 key themes of 1. Think Big, Dream Big 2. Don’t Let Fear Hold You Back 3. The Art Of Self-Talk 4. Take Time For Yourself 5. Sacred Spaces for Healing 6. The Power Within 7. Live Life With Passion.

I will touch on 5 of the tips that stood out to me. First of all her tip # 5 is Pursue Something With Passion. Having passions in life keep life purposeful and urge us to continual growth. That is one element of life I promote in my book Living More Than OK. I like how in this section she encourages “Explore a new side of yourself” so during your life journey seek out new activities or hobbies to enjoy to add to your life.

Her tip #16 is Sit with a Prayer. She encourages those who have a passion for following a spiritual life make prayer an important aspect of your life. The sitting with a prayer caught my attention as she is reminding us to look at some of the great prayers that have been written down and meditate on those. She uses the prayers of St. Francis as an example. There are also books on the prayers of Charles Haddon Spurgeon, the great protestant preacher from the 1800’s that can be used in sitting with a prayer.

To add happiness into your life her tip #20 is Do One Thing Every Day That Makes You Happy. Break away from the business of life and take a happy break savoring a cup of coffee or tea while reading a book or listening to a favorite song.

If you enjoy walking, her tip #25 is Walk With A Purpose. Go out for a walk but have a purposeful mindful attitude of gratitude while you walk. Walking with a grateful heart will allow you to observe positive things around you on the walk. Maybe you will notice a flower bed you never noticed before or a landscape idea you may wish to add to your lawn.

The last tip that I will share here that stood out to me is tip #28 Gratitude Is Attitude. When you carry a grateful attitude into your life there is more positive energy to keep you moving forward. Think over each day what you are thankful for in your life and you will see it makes a difference in your outlook for the day.

Her other tips are just as helpful as these 5 but I want to keep you in suspense to look for a copy of the book through Laura’s website or by request at your local library. As you move through your life journey for the best inspiring life keep looking for new ideas to inspire you on your journey.

Reflection: Of the 5 tips from Laura’s book I shared which one stood out to you? What are 3 personal ideas you use to inspire yourself in your day to day life?

Slow Down And Smell The Coffee

A couple of weekends ago I took my wife for a morning drive to see Texas wildflowers and for a morning coffee. In Lavernia, Texas there is a coffee shop named the Mesquite Bean Coffee Shop which was our ending destination after viewing bluebonnets and other Texas Wild Flowers.

The Mesquite Bean is a clean Texas Country style shop. We decided to sit at the screened in patio area to enjoy our muffins, fresh fruit and coffee. The server, Erin, had a friendly, “welcome to our home” type attitude that added to the experience. As we sat there you could hear the birds in the trees and the morning air was fresh and cool. Just the right setting for a cup of coffee.

As my wife and I sat there it donned on me how relaxing it is to slow down on a Saturday morning to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. Just to enjoy conversation, quiet, and nature built in me a sense of gratitude for the miracle of living. I thought back to listening to lectures on Positive Psychology by Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar on the importance of taking time to smell the flowers. He was giving us a reminder to appreciate the moment. Be mindful of the little pleasures that add meaning and value to life. Of course at that moment I was taking time to smell the coffee, not the flowers. Breathing in the smell of a good coffee, as the Mesquite Bean Coffee has great coffee, is a savoring process that helped me appreciate just being there in that moment with my wife.

As I looked around the Mesquite Bean Coffee Shop and thought of other coffee shop experiences, I noticed a common thread that they are a place to slow down. Taking time to slow down has benefits to lower stress and savor life. The last couple of weeks I have discussed reading due to National Library Week. So I want to mention that coffee shops are a wonderful place to read. Usually any coffee house I go into there will always be a couple of people reading. If you are looking for a book selection to take the next trip to a coffee shop since I mentioned Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar take a long a copy of his book, Happier or his newer book Choose the Life You Want.

In our town of New Braunfels there are a number of coffee shops: Sertinos, 2 Rivers Coffee, Crosswalk, and New Braunfels Coffee shop. Look in the town you live in and think of the coffee shops in your area. Oh yes, there is a Starbucks in town but personally I like the small independent coffee shops. I have grown tired of the big corporate coffee settings with their agendas and sameness. For the life of me I don’t know why the masses flock to Starbucks and miss the friendly atmosphere and relaxation of an independent coffee shop.

Make it a point especially if you are in a time of stress and everything feels urgent to break away and smell the coffee (or tea if you are a tea drinker as my grandmother was). Either go by yourself and a favorite book or make it a date time with someone significant in your life. You will be glad you took time to savor and enjoy the small things in life.

Reflection:
Look on the internet and see what coffee shops are in your area. Even look within a 25 mile radius as we enjoyed the drive to Lavernia, Texas from our home. Then choose a time to visit a coffee shop you have never been to before.

Gratitude in the Workplace

Work and thoughts of thanksgiving often do not go together. Work and complaining is usually the common duo. I have done my share of complaining about work. It usually leaves me more depressed and agitated. As I have been learning more about the importance of gratitude and the importance of a thankful spirit, in the Positive Psychology course I am taking, it has challenged my thoughts on workplace attitudes.

Does all the complaining about work ever help? Usually it spirals into deeper negativity and turns our work into drudgery and exacerbates the difficulties and levels of boredom in our work. I have read and tried the calculation out with a calculator; that we work about 85,000 hours in our lifetime from age 21-65. The big question is how do we want to spend that amount of time? Do we want to spend it in a negative manner of boredom and long-term complaining? Or do we want a work life with a sense of fulfillment and positive feelings of enjoying our work settings? There are several topics that relate to this such as finding our calling, using flow in the workplace, and utilizing our personal strengths in our work. These will be discussed on a later date. With Thanksgiving this week I thought I would focus on using Gratitude in the workplace.

You would think in our present economic circumstances of over 10% unemployment and most likely 17% real unemployment in the country just having a job would be a cause for thanksgiving. That doesn’t seem to be enough to halt the complaining about work.

First let’s look at what causes the negativity to set in. Each job has its routines. As we begin a new job we are in learning mode and everything seems fresh and new. The learning is a challenge. Then as we get into the groove we start doing everything the same way. The client interaction and paperwork starts moving in a circular cycle and becomes routine. If we focus on the routine then boredom begins to set in. The boredom can then create a sense of restlessness about our work. Negativity begins to be the lens through which we start to look at our work. Day in and day out the negativity can spiral into complaining about the boredom.
A loss of purpose also occurs when letting negativity about our work take over. When we start a new job there is a sense of learning how our work fits into the whole of the company, whether it is a shipping clerk sending finished orders to clients; a customer service representative helping a customer with a problem; or a career counselor helping a college students open their eyes to a major possibility that connects with a personality strength. Becoming more competent in our work then helps increase our purposefulness in serving our customers. If we lose focus on our work purpose and begin to focus on the negatives such as letting ourselves become overcome with boredom or petty comparisons of how other workers are doing their jobs in a complaining manner; what started out as an enjoyable dream job can turn into a hellish nightmare.

What can be done to turn the negativity around? I will discuss a couple of ideas for you to try out. These are ideas I have stumbled upon that have helped me and I am just passing them on. First of all write down a list of 5 workplace duties that are routine to you. These may be reports that you have to do; regular assessments that you perform; or certain work activities you do in a regular manner. It is often these routines that start us complaining. “Oh no, I have to do that again!” That complaining then compounds into other complaints. So find some time to brainstorm new ways of doing your routine activities. If you work with a teammate, brainstorm with them to increase the creativity. Even a small change may be enough to add a positive lift to your work setting. As a Career Counselor I can get into a routine of doing our career assessment with students and the temptation could be to just test and tell the student quickly what to major in to just get the session over with and back to my desk. To fight that I make a commitment to see each student as unique and remembering the importance to opening their eyes to the possibilities in their futures.

Another idea is to make a list at the beginning of the workweek of 5 things you are thankful about concerning your work. One may be as simple as just being grateful to have a job in bad economic times. By building up a list you are thankful for about your work, will be a natural positive arsenal against the negativity of complaining. In regularly building up a list of gratefulness about your work it may also help when you are tempted by co-workers to jump into gripe sessions which just add to workplace negativity.

Then finally renew your passion to be the best in moving towards excellence in your work. Boredom can not overtake you if you are constantly challenging yourself to be your best. If you are trying to promote excellence in the workplace a positive attitude will follow and help diminish negativity in the workplace. Try these ideas out each Monday in your work to try to beat the Monday work blues.