Growth Reminders From The 7 Habits

A friend sent me an email just the other day, wondering if I was alright since I had not posted a blog since mid-November. The ongoing saga of trying to complete my PhD Comps Exam has continued to wear me out but I am not down and out yet. A timely help of mental refreshment came in the form of a training workshop for my work as an adjunct professor for the Alamo Colleges in San Antonio. I had the privilege for the past two Saturdays to do all day training on the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People based on the philosophy of Stephen R. Covey.

The two trainers from the Alamo Colleges made the trainings an enjoyable time due to their passion for the 7 Habits and their passion for instruction. It is always uplifting to see people doing what they love.

The 7 habits of highly effective people are as follows:

1 - Be Proactive
2 - Begin with the End in Mind
3 - Put First Things First
4 - Think Win-Win
5 - Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
6 – Synergize
7 - Sharpen the Saw

As I reflect on the training time, my favorites of the habits are 1 and 7. Of course to be the best you can in habit 7 you need to be establishing habits 1-6 in your life. There are principles behind each habit that help us in living the best life possible and being the best we can be. Covey’s writings were one inspiration behind my book, Living More Than OK, as in that book my desire is for people to live the best life possible of abundant living.

In this blogpost I will share some of the reasons I find inspiration from my favorites of the habits; starting off with the habit 1 theme of “be proactive” which is the habit of choice. The principle behind this theme is, “I am free to choose and am responsible for my choices.” (Stephen Covey). We have unlimited opportunities when we understand that we are not victims but have the ability to make choices for the good in our lives. Too many people have bought into the myth that we are mere animals that respond to the stimuli around us and we can’t help the negativity that comes into our lives. We are victims the lies tell us. The first habit principle awakens us to the reality that within each stimulus that touches our lives we have the freedom to choose how to respond.

For example within this principle there is the concept “carry your own weather”. On cloudy days or rainy days it is easy to fall into the stimulus- response trap of being down and sad. But when you carry your own weather you can choose to live like a sunny day on a cloudy day. Choose to carry a smile and cheerful attitude on a cloudy day and see how your response to the day changes. There is power in the freedom to choose to move up from living ok, to Living More Than OK.

Looking at habit 7 the theme is “Sharpen the Saw” the habit of renewal. This habit reminded me of a time I tried to cut tree limbs with an old dull saw. Not very effective. Our lives are not effective either when we do not sharpen the saw. What is the saw in our life? It is -- our life—our inner being. The principle behind this habit is, “To maintain and increase effectiveness, we must renew ourselves in body, heart, mind and soul.” This habit speaks to the important need of lifelong learning and taking care of ourselves in all spheres of our lives: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. To be effective and live an abundant life there is a need to be balanced in each of these spheres of living.

I try to drive home to my college students and in my blog writings here, the importance of our personal choices. Our choices either move us in positive directions or negative ways so we need to choose with wisdom. Then we need to remember to never stop growing so as to stay sharp in responding to all the possibilities and opportunities that come across our life journey.


Reflection: How can you make wise choices in your life? Write down a few ways you can grow in the mental, physical, social/emotional and spiritual spheres of your life.

Are You Ready For The Real Thing: Life

One of my daughter’s favorite musicians, Toby Mac, came out with a new CD so I was listening to some of the songs off of it. I enjoy his music as well as the messages behind his songs. One song stood out to me as I begin teaching a new group of College students in the College Success course I teach. That song is “This Is Not A Test”. The song in my viewpoint is about experiencing Life with all the real consequences that face us. With teaching college students part of their life in classes is studying for tests to prepare them later for real life in their careers. Yet outside of class in the jobs and relationships they face the real thing of life everyday where there are no retakes or practice runs.

Take a few minutes to reflect over the lyrics to the song. You can listen to a video of the song by clicking on the hyperlinked title.

"This Is Not A Test" Toby Mac (listen to the video by clicking on the title)

Fell out of the sky Hit the ground runnin’ The future is tonight
They’ll never see us comin’ Takin’ by this urgency Won’t let this moment pass The Kingdom is alive We’re steppin’ on the gas We’re checkin’ in, so check it out We’re droppin’ in There ain’t no stopping us now We’ve only got one shot Gonna to take it now Goin’ all in, gonna make it count Won’t look back, gonna set my eyes ‘Cause there ain’t no practice runs in life
This is not a, this is not a test This is the real thing
This is not a, this is not a test This is the real thing
We gonna go til we got nothin’ left This is the real thing
This is not a, this is not a, this is not a test This is not a test
This is not a test We’re checkin’ in, so check it out
We’re droppin’ in There ain’t no stopping us now
We’re breathin’ in, we’re breathin’ out We’re droppin’ in
There ain’t no stoppin’, stoppin’ us now
We’ve only got one shot Gonna to take it now Goin’ all in,
gonna make it count Won’t look back, gonna set my eyes
‘Cause there ain’t no practice runs in life
This is life... So don’t get left behind
This is not a, this is not a test This is the real thing
This is not a, this is not a test This is the real thing
We gonna go til we got nothin’ left This is the real thing
This is not a, this is not a, this is not a test
This is not a test This is not a test
We gonna move, live every second Make it count for you
We gonna move, live every second Make it count for you
(This is not a test) We gonna move, live every second
Make it count for you

So many times the “left behind” feelings occur as we do not take seriously the choices we make in life. We waste time spinning our wheels doing remakes of bad decisions. That may be fine for a quiz where there are multiple retakes but as the song is saying, in real life we don’t have that luxury. The real thing of life especially in the most important times does not come with practice runs. After each choice comes a consequence that alters our life by the choices we make. Granted we can try to make up from the messes of bad choices by making amends and making better choices in the future but that does not negate the initial mistake.

The phrases: “Won’t let this moment pass”; “We’re checkin’ in”; “We’re droppin’ in”; “We’ve only got one shot”; “Goin’ all in”; “gonna make it count” point to what success in life and living the more than ok life is all about. In our decisions in life we need to be thinking critically and with a serious sense of responsibility. It is about actively being engaged in our environments and understanding the power of each choice we make to create our futures. If we plan to make our lives count then it there needs to be an understanding we must be involved in life and making the best possible choices.
Then I also appreciate how the song ends with, “We gonna move, live every second, Make it count for you”. Life is not about being passive but active in “we gonna move”. There is no impact in life is we just sit on the sidelines passively hoping life to just hand us something. Sitting passively we either get dumped on with something negative or just nothing good ever happens. He challenges the listener to make life count even to the point of living each second, (“seconds” makes me think of another song but that will be for next week). Really the choice is ours as we can let life pass us by or make the most of it by living life as the real thing.

Reflection: Have you had times where you thought life was passing you by? What was happening in your life then and what choices were you making? How are you moving in life right now? How can you make your moments count?

Turning From Nowhere Man Into Somewhere Man

It has been a couple weeks since writing here as I have been busy with the College classes I teach. So with a few of the classes I teach just being finished as they were half semester courses called Flex classes I thought I would share an activity that I do with my College Success classes. It is where I have the students reflect on the song, Nowhere Man, by the Beatles. Then I have them write a letter to Nowhere Man pretending he is a student on campus who is failing because he is going nowhere. Their purpose is to give suggestions and ideas to get him moving to Somewhereland. Many students enjoy doing this and I have been surprised over the years how many young people enjoy the Beatle’s music still. Let’s see what we can learn from the song.

Nowhere Man , Lennon & McCartney (Click on the Title for a video)

He's a real nowhere Man, Sitting in his Nowhere Land,
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody.

Doesn't have a point of view, Knows not where he's going to,
Isn't he a bit like you and me?

Nowhere Man, just listen, You don't know what you're missin',
All the world's at your command.

He's as blind as he can be, Just sees what he wants to see,
Nowhere Man can you see me at all?

Nowhere Man, don't worry, Take your time, don't hurry,
Leave it all 'till somebody else lends you a hand.

Doesn't have a point of view, Knows not where he's going to,
Isn't he a bit like you and me?

Nowhere man please listen, you don't know what your missin'
Nowhere Man, the world is at your command

He's a real Nowhere Man, Sitting in his Nowhere Land,
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody.
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody.
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody.

What I have enjoyed about the song is that it reminds me of the importance of choosing a life of purpose. If we want to go somewhere in life we need to intentionally choose to make plans so we can go somewhere not nowhere. It helps to take time to understand our point of view and have a firm understanding of who we are, and what we want out of life. Too many are missing out on all life has to offer as they don’t take the time to think over where they want to go. It is very true “Isn’t ‘he a bit like you and me?”. If we are honest we all have desert times where we don’t know and sit in nowhere land. We need to think is that where we want to stay?

“He’s as blind as he can be, just sees what he wants to see”. As we sit around staring at the plastic rectangles we carry around with us, or sit in the comfort of home staring at the larger plastic rectangles that entertain us to death, we become as blind as Nowhere Man. I am glad to see more calls in research and news reports to encourage parents to watch the amount of time they allow their children stare blindly at the little plastic entertainment rectangles of technology. At the same time how about the parents? It upsets me to see children at restaurants or outside playing and the parent instead of interacting with the children are staring at the little plastic entertainment rectangles of technology. Do they really have to be staring at the phone and texting that much? Do they understand the children learn from their actions? Don’t they understand what they are missin’? Don’t we understand what we are missin’? That is one point the Beatles are getting across in the song. The idea relates well to my book Living More Than OK and this blog. Do we want to come to the end our life journey only to see what we have missed?

Reflection: Think over the words to the song and reflect on your life. Are you moving towards Somewhereland? Are you blind to the purpose and opportunities in your life? How can you make better choices with your time to make the most of it? Is technology controlling you in mindless entertainment or do you use your time wisely on the internet to read life fulfilling blogs such as this? (Sorry just had to add that in!)

It Is All About Choices

As you know if you have been stopping by here the past couple weeks, I have focused my blog on questions I have had people ask about my new book, “Living More Than OK”. This week I want to discuss how can people begin to live more than ok? When posed with that question the first relevant word that came to mind was “Choices”. The movement towards “Living More Than OK” starts with a choice. I would even say the opposite is true that staying stuck in boring okness begins with a choice as well. All aspects of our life journey revolves around our choices.

Photo credit: nshivar / Foter.com / CC BY


Dr. Shad Helmstetter in his book, “Choices”, states that, “you may think that in life a lot of things happen to you along the way. The truth is, in life you happen to a lot of things along the way.” In our times of being stuck in the rut of existence we blame the circumstances and the stuff of life that is happening to us. What Dr. Helmstetter is bringing to light is that yes a lot happens to us, but we have a choice in how we react to what happens. We can choose to do nothing and stay stuck in a passive acceptance to our circumstances. This choice just keeps up with the routines of life and living in an ok survival mode existence. Often, in that case we do not stay on the same plane of existence, and we then spiral down to lower levels of negativity.

The Upward Spiral:

The other choice is with the “Living More Than OK” mindset which does not settle for boring stuck-ness or living a downward spiral. It moves in an upward spiral to continued personal growth. The movement is towards living the best life possible.

This brings me to another quote by Dr. Helmstetter, “It is your programming that has created your choices in the past. It is the choices you make today that are creating the programs of your future.”
This means that the choices in our past created circumstances that have affected our present situations. If we want to improve our futures we need to improve the future programming by making positive choices in the present, which will result in more positive future circumstances. These positive choices help create the upward spiral to better living.

Photo credit: eric.domond / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

Positive Choices = Positive Living

So the positives and the negatives in our lives for the most part go back to the quality of choices we are making in our decision process. That is why I feel my essay on critical thinking in my book , is of such critical importance! We need to keep improving the quality of our thought processes to build up our positive programming from the choices we make. Input into our mental programming negative and passive choices we find that the output will be negative circumstances. Input positive wise choices and the result will be positive circumstance in our life. It is the simple programming concept of garbage in, garbage out.

I believe no one wants negative results in their lives. No one enjoys boredom, but they succumb to it by reacting passively to the stuff of life around them. The lack of critical thinking makes people believe there can never be any good things that come their way. They believe, Lady Luck never shines on them not understanding that one needs to be active in creating their luck by choosing to grow, or choosing to try something different.

Another relevant thought by Dr. Helstetter is, “Those who choose to succeed always do better than those who never choose at all.”

Of course the way I look at it, not choosing is a choice as well to passively stay stuck.

Photo credit: Łukasz Strachanowski / Foter.com / CC BY-NC

So if you are unhappy feeling stuck in a negative spiral and you truly desire a positive change, order a copy of my book, “Living More Than OK … Spiraling Up To Abundant Living”. That can be a positive choice to move your life into a positive upward spiral.

Reflection:
What is the quality of your choices? Do you think choices through with critical thinking or simply passively respond to what life throws at you? Visualize what a more positive life would be like for you. Now go for it by making wise positive choices!

Taking Charge of Change in Life

Change is one thing we can always count on in life. Sometimes it comes fast and swift and other times change sneaks up on us. Change also varies in that it can be a good change that we can be grateful for or a bad change that negatively impacts our life. As a new semester is starting for my teaching at the college I found myself thinking about change. Also as my daughter begins college this is a change in our family life and her life.

I found myself pulling off my bookshelf a book I had read years ago, You Can Excel In Times Of Change by Dr. Shad Helmstetter. I want to share today just a few of his ideas on how we can make the most of change in our lives. The important part of change is how we react. All change has an impact on our lives either bringing good feelings or debilitating us. Loss especially in death of a loved one is a change that is hard to let go of. Especially when the death is unexpected -- the change of having that person gone can create a shock that is difficult to overcome. In the same vein job loss is a difficult change to overcome. There is a sense of life is not fair that can take over and hold people in responding to the change by negatively keeping stuck in the pain.
Dr. Helmstetter in this book brings out that many of the changes that occur in our lives when we look at the causation, is often out of our control. But the outcome of the change is controlled by our choices to be responsible in the face of change or irresponsible and staying stuck. He brings out the point that people who make it a habit of being responsible in their lives handle changes better. Those who hold on to excuses and blame often stay stuck longer or go backwards when faced with change.

A key element in our response to change is our attitude. Again we may not be in control of the change agent that affected our life. In response, though we have a choice to shape our attitude in a positive or negative way. Our attitude is a powerful force we can control to make good come from even the worst changes that may occur. Successful people and people who overcome great odds when their lives are examined; their success comes back to the positive attitude they carry in their life.
To excel and take charge of change Dr. Helmstetter encourages the reader to go beyond attitude to change your perception to the resulting future of your choices about the change. Write down and create mental pictures of the next steps in your life journey beyond the change. List the positive things that you want to move towards. Create goals to go after what you want to gain for a better life. If this is not done he says we can stay stuck in what he calls just an average life, just ok. Not a life that is succeeding.

Dr. Helmstetter gives a couple of examples of what he is getting at. He describes a couple that move their mother-in-law in with them with an initial attitude to get to know her better. But in not moving beyond attitude they begin to resent her being there and life turns negative. A young woman takes French classes with an attitude to learn so as to travel to Europe. She never goes beyond the initial attitude and never travels. She keeps a nagging regret of why she took the classes in the first place. So there needs to be a choice to move beyond being stuck by changes. A choice is needed to move beyond living just average or what I call living more than ok.

Reflection: What changes are you facing in life? Is it a new change or a change from the past still holding you? Reflect on your attitude about the change. List what can happen if you choose a positive viewpoint of the change. Create a mental picture of future positive possibilities you can move towards in your life.

Be Responsible For Creating Your Life

I was preparing for my new semester of Teaching a Foundations for College Success course by looking over the new textbook, On Course by Skip Downing. One chapter that jumped out to me was on Personal Responsibility. We live in an era where it is rare for people to accept responsibility. This is even seen on the governmental level instead of working on problems the leaders point to excuses away from themselves as to why the country is in the mess it is.

It is easier to make up excuses and point to others as the root of our problems than to do the hard work of solving our problems ourselves. The author says this of personal responsibility, “The essence of personal responsibility is responding wisely to life’s opportunities and challenges, rather than waiting passively for luck or other people to make the choices for us.” Those two key words responding versus waiting have a big impact on how we respond to life.

Skip Downing places people in two categories in relation to responsibility. One is the Victim role. The victim is the waiting passively person. As life events occur and often trouble occur they wait and then blame others for their difficulties. They want a handout or someone such as the government to take care of them. The other role is the Creator role. This person actively responds to find personal solutions. At times they may seek out help from government but on a short term basis, as they ultimately want to be responsible for their own way in life. The passive victim often spirals down to deeper despair and complaints about how they got the short end of the stick or how unlucky they are. The Active responder creator instead spirals up with a positive attitude that the difficulty is only a temporary set back and they will bounce back. This is a key element in resilient people of having a comeback attitude.

In both cases a central element is the choices each person makes. The Creator makes positive choices to actively make their lives better. On the other hand the Victim makes choices to passively wait for someone else to help them which creates more hardship. Elisabeth Kuler-Ross said this of choices, “I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime.” I always emphasize to my students that all our life is made up of continual choices and each choice we make creates a consequence . The creator accepts responsibility for their choices while the victim sits crying unfair and blaming others for their situation. At the end of our life we will look back and realize our life was the result of all our choices.

To have the best life possible we need to be actively engaged in making wise responsible choices. We need to choose whether we want to be a victim and spiral down in negatively or be a creator and spiral upwards with a positive attitude. Now granted rain and storms occur in every person’s life. And there are some who have more storms than others. The creators keep bouncing back resiliently from the storms knowing that there is more to life than just storms. The victims often stay stuck in the storm and miss the rainbow by staring at the grey clouds in the distance. The choice is up to each of us.

Reflection: Are you a creator or a victim? How can you make wise choices for your life?

Happenstance, Choices and Our Career Journey

With the course for freshman college students I teach at a local college, a major ending project is looking at their career choice. I try to let them know that many things in life shape our career journey. It is not just taking a career test and out pops the perfect career. Also for most of them right out of High School, I let them know that they are looking at an initial starting point for their career journey. They will find themselves expanding into other areas in the future.

Recently, I was on one my favorite websites www.naturalhigh.org and on their online tv link watched a video of Josh Landan. Take a few minutes and watch it here www.naturalhigh.tv/ They have several videos but presently Josh’s is the first one.

I showed this to my college students this semester as it starts off showing his initial passion at 18 to be a videographer. His passion can be picked up in the comment that he came across as a stalker. Also the manner he speaks and the light in his eyes you can see his love for filming. I love seeing people following their passion be it in their vocation or avocation. A passion gives us purpose and meaning as well as enjoyment in life. So I encourage people to seek out an area they are passionate about. Especially students I work with I try to encourage them to find a passion to tap into.

Listening to Josh I also see Dr. Krumboltz’s, concept of Happenstance as well, (I have spoken of his concept of happenstance and creating our own luck in the past). Josh had a surfing videographer he looked up to in Taylor Steele. At one point in his life he had a chance to meet him. With that chance, he took the risk of a choice to see if he could work with him. It worked out that he could work with Taylor Steele, and from the flow of his story it was a positive turning point. This turning point opened up his growth in filming as a career.

His filming progressed and he tells us of awards and success in his area of passion. Then at another juncture it is suggested that he try out managing athletes so he progresses on in his career journey to manage athletes. By then he is also directing films as well. From a career point of view he has opened up to greater levels than where he first began. Did he know this would happen when he was an 18 year old, stalking surfers with his camera? I am sure he would say no.

In the end he speaks to his wise choice to stay away from drug use. He mentions that this choice affected his career success. His type of work is more freelance in nature so he is self employed. He clearly states that if he went the drug route his life would have been wasted. You can’t run a successful business when drugs or alcohol are in control of your life. He could have chosen to follow peer pressure of drug use in his local area of Ventura, California. We see he did not make that choice. He chose to follow his passion and look for natural highs in his life.

Reflection: Journal how Josh’s video affected you. Did it remind you of important choices you have made in your career journey? Think over those happenstance items in your life that forced a choice in your career life and life in general.

What Does Your Next Chapter Look Like?

Each of us on our journey has a story to tell. That story is our life. Many people enjoy reading biographies. These are life stories. I have noticed over this past year in bookstores many actors, politicians, and musicians have been having their memoirs written. With some,honestly, I question what have they done to merit a memoir? Yet I am sure their fans will enjoy reading their story.

What about you and me? Do you have a story to tell? In reality each day starts out as a new page in your life story. As we reach major turning points and life shifts these become new chapters in our story. Family, friends, culture, government, life events, and our personal power of choice helps to shape our story.

In Counseling Psychology there is a therapy technique called Narrative Therapy . It focuses on the story of a client’s life. The problems we face are built into our stories and created by all the factors that shape our story. The solution is helping people re-author their lives in choosing to write new chapter directions in their story.

A song by one of my favorite musicians, Matthew West encapsulates the power of story and re-authoring in our lives. Take time to listen to the song by clicking on the title and reflect over the words to the song.

The Story Of Your Life by Matthew West

Is this the end? Or only the beginning?
The second chance You never thought you'd get.
The question is Will you do something with it?
Or spend your days lost in your regret.

This is the story of your life. You decide how the rest is gonna read.
This is your chance between the lines. To redefine what kind of legacy you
Leave. This is the story of your life and it's a story worth telling.

Breathe in deep. Feel your heart still breathing.
Let's go see the reason you're alive. Oh, you are here
and love is up to something.
So take your fear and leave it all behind.

This is the story of your life You decide How the rest is gonna read.
This is your chance between the lines. To redefine what kind of legacy you
Leave. This is the story of your life And it's a story worth telling.
This is the joy. And it's the pain. And all the pages in between.
Your finest hour. Your weakest moment.
It where you've been, It's where you are, It's where you're going.

This is the story of your life. You decide How the rest is gonna read.
This is your chance between the lines. To redefine the kind of legacy you
Leave. This is the story of your life. Go tell the story of your life.
Cause it's a story worth telling, It's worth telling
Is this the end? Or only the beginning?

On our journey we face joys, pains, moments of weakness, moments of natural highs, and finest moments. In each of the moments we make choices that redefine the direction of the story. So we have the power to re-author our lives just as Narrative Therapy is saying.

Often in the painful moments we may become despondent and think our story is over. And sad to say some people make the choice to end their story. But if we realize our story is worth telling with all the pain and joys together, we can wake up each morning knowing a new page is turning.

I like the line that says “Cause it's a story worth telling”. We may never have a book written about us or have a movie about our story. Yet to those around us our story is important. We have a legacy that will live on after we move on to the next world. What will that story be? Maybe you are going through a change, As I mentioned I recently moved so I have a new chapter facing me. What does that next chapter look like?

Reflection: Take 30 minutes in a quiet place to free write a new chapter in your life. Think through your present moment and where do you want to go next. What are some new possibilities for your story? Another idea --Go to your local library and pick out a biography of someone to read. It may be someone you know in history or just pick a biography by random and read their story.

Life Moves and Life Poems

My family is making a move from Brownsville, Texas to New Braunfels, Texas. We have visited many times in the past the Hill Country area and my wife and I thought it would be a good place to retire. As happenstance has a way of doing, events transpired for the move to occur now when we are still a distance from retiring. When you have settled in one place as we have been in the Rio Grande Valley for 10 years, it is hard to move to another place; even if it is a place you like. For me there is trepidation in that I am stepping out with no set job yet. My wife has a new opportunity but even that for her -- she has to face a new situation.

I find solace in that recently at church and other spiritual readings we have encountered, Faith has been a topic facing us. Any change takes faith to step out to try something new. In our faith we know in our heart that God has opened this new direction. So even though all the pieces are not together we know the puzzle will fall into place.

I was recently practicing a Michael Card song for a speech at my daughter’s school and it made me think of God’s direction in our lives. I have the words below for The Poem of Your Life. Click on the title hyperlink to listen to a Youtube video of Michael Card singing it. He is being accompanied by my favorite guitarist Phil Keaggy.

The Poem Of Your Life by Michael Card


Life is a song We must sing with our days A poem with meaning
More than words can say A painting with colors No rainbow can tell
A lyric that rhymes Either heaven or hell

We are living letters That doubt desecrates We're the notes of the song
Of the chorus of faith God shapes every second Of our little lives
And minds every minute As the universe waits by

The pain and the longing The joy and the moments of light
Are the rhythm and rhyme The free verse of the Poem of life

So look in the mirror And pray for the grace To tear off the mask See the art of your face Open your earlids And hear the sweet song Of each moment that passes And pray to prolong

Your time in the ball Of the dance of your days Your canvas of colors Of moments ablaze With all that is holy With the joy and the strife
Of the rhythm and rhyme Of the poem of your life
Of the rhythm and rhyme Of the poem of your life

Poems have various stanzas that make up the whole meaning of the poem. Viewing our life journey as a poem we see each turning point segment begins a new stanza. Recently as I prepare for the move I look back at the memories of our home here, friends and co-workers who will be missed. In faith I look towards a new stanza of the poem beginning in our new setting of New Braunfels (click to view the N.B. Visitors website).

It is comforting to know that God is guiding the minutes of my life. God helps create meaning in my poetic journey. In a way I can see Him as the Poet and Artist behind the shaping of my life. Yet through the pains, the joys, the plans, the serendipitous surprises He allows me to make personal Choices, which creates as the song says, “the rhythm and the rhyme the free verse of the poem of life.” Based on our choices we can make our life a heaven or a hell.

Reflection:
Take time to write a Poem about memories of a previous Poetic stanza in your life or write a Poem about the next stanza you see yourself stepping out in Faith towards.

Reach For Something More

Is it alright to want more than just existing in life? People become trapped in mediocrity living the sameness of a Ground Hog Movie day life. Doing the same thing over and over again. Waking up, going to work and watching the same dull tv shows or lame internet videos. Do we dare to try for something more?

The fear of the scariness in trying something new keeps us from stepping out into a new direction. We become out of touch with our dreams and passions. We can even become so downcast to think, “Maybe I don’t deserve better.” The issue is we deserve the best life possible. There are many things we can do to enrich and grow our lives and new possibilities for our futures.

This brings me to a song I heard that has a powerful message about being open to our dreams and to changes in our lives. That it is good at times to try to reach for more in our lives. It is ok to ask for help in improving our lives. The song is Maybe by The Sick Puppies. I know, I had the same reaction to the name. Who would call themselves The Sick Puppies? But be open to the message in their song. As usual you can click on the title to activate a video and hear the song as you reflect over the meaning of the lyrics. The video I chose was done by a young fan of the group.

Maybe -- Sick Puppies
Maybe I'm a dreamer Maybe I'm misunderstood Maybe you're not seeing the side of me you should Maybe I'm crazy (Maybe I'm crazy), Maybe I'm the only one
(Maybe I'm the only one), Maybe I'm just out of touch, Maybe I've just had enough

Maybe it's time to change, And leave it all behind, I've never been one to walk alone, I've always been scared to try, So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more, To wanna live a better life, What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same, Maybe it's time to change

Maybe it's hopeless, (Maybe it's hopeless), Maybe I should just give up
(Maybe I should just give up), What if I can't trust myself?, What if I just need some help?

Maybe it's time to change, And leave it all behind, I've never been one to walk alone, I've always been scared to try, So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more, To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?, 'Cause nothing stays the same, Maybe it's time to change

And maybe it's time to change, And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone, I've always been scared to try

And maybe it's time to change, And leave it all behind, I've never been one to walk alone, I've always been scared to try, So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more, To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?, 'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change, 'Cause nothing stays the same, Maybe it's time to change.

Thinking over what is being said in the song, we do not have to resign ourselves to a hopeless life. We can rise above the fear and aim for a better life. We need to make a choice to step out alone or by asking for help. We need to be able to trust that God wants the best for us. Step out with the dreams we have been given inside to go for new directions in our life pathway. We need to trust ourselves as we take that first step towards change.

I thought the young person who did the video spoke creative volumes about being brave enough to make a change for the better. Also she took the step for asking for help. In going for your dreams are you stopping yourself because of fear. Maybe seek help. Is there a close friend or someone you respect you can talk about the issue that is facing you? Or as a Counselor I would highly recommend you find a Licensed Professional Counselor in your area to help you through the transition period of change. The American Counseling Association can help you with this. They have a directory of Professional Counselors on their website.

Jesus often challenged people to make changes and not look back, as He said in Luke 9:2, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." The song says, “And maybe it's time to change, And leave it all behind”. We don’t always have to forget the past. But if it is something negative that you are holding on to and stopping you from a better life it is best to let it go. Then you are free to move on to that better life. Take some time to think over the reflection questions and move into some changes that will give you a better life!

Reflection
1. Have you ever felt this way in your life that the song is speaking of?
2. Why do people sometimes feel it is wrong to reach for something more than the routine of our lives?
3. What stops us from reaching for help to make the change?
4. What is one thing you could step out into and move towards to have a better life?

Pursuit of Good Habits

Living in a border town with all the news of the drug trade continuously brought me recently to think of habits. The senseless killings and lives destroyed stem from the demand of drug usage in the U.S. As a volunteer at a local Drug Abuse Center I have attended many drug and alcohol abuse meetings. Listening to the stories I hear of lives ruined due to the drug habit. Drugs and alcohol are bad habits as the regular use of a substance ruins the life experience of the user. Smoking cigarettes is another bad habit. I had an older brother who died of lung cancer due to a life habit of smoking. It has been good to see in American society fewer people smoking. Those who do should observe someone dying of lung cancer so they can rethink that habit.

Dr. William Glasser points out these habits come about through people’s wrong choices in searching for happiness. Their choice of drugs for happiness does provide initial good feelings but but in the long term in the stories I have experienced their choice of drug and alcohol habits leads to misery. Dr. Glasser in his book Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom states, “ If we can not create a society in which more people are happy, we will never come close to reducing these destructive and self-destructive choices,” (referring to drugs and alcohol).

Knowing the personal ruin caused by drugs and seeing in the news the thousands killed in the drug wars in Mexico upsets me when I see how Hollywood and some rock, pop, and hip-hop musicians glamorize drugs to youth. The lack of critical thinking in those who want something that destroys people legalized is sickening. In my eyes those who glamorize drugs and want them legal have the blood of the thousands of Mexicans and the thousands of ruined lives here in the U.S. on their hands. If only the media would place this truth in the face of those promoting drugs so people would stop using drugs. Then there would be no demand for drugs therefore no drug war. The drug cartels would effectively be out of business.

In the meantime what can be done to better create a society Dr. Glasser is speaking of in the previous quote? Positive psychology is about presenting life principles to help build up happiness in people without having to turn to drugs. I see in positive psychology the emphasis on building up positive natural highs instead of chemical highs. Also as I have mentioned from my Christian viewpoint, I believe living a life that focuses on the spiritual helps in promoting natural highs as well, As we create habits that are spiritual in nature instead of popping pills and snorting chemicals into the body we can live happier and more fulfilled lives.
It all goes back to the habits we have in our lives. I had a sociology professor in Chicago who started out each lecture reminding us that humans are creatures of habit. Practically all we do in life relates to our habits. We take the same roads to work. We park in the same parking spot and become upset if someone is parked in, “our spot”. I enjoy mentioning to students in my university success course there is no seating chart like in high school but if they notice they usually sit in the same seat each class session – habit. I had a Professor in graduate school one night after three weeks into the semester tell everyone to get up and change seats. Everyone was initially frozen as no one wanted to give up “their seat” – habit. So if we are honest habits control much of our living.

To have a more than ok life, to maximize our living, to build natural highs into our living, we need to evaluate our habits and make choices to create good habits in our life. Jack Canfield in his practical book on life success, The Success Principles, has this to say about habits. “Negative habits breed negative consequences. Positive habits create positive consequences.” I have never met anyone who admits to wanting negativity in their lives. Yet look at all the personal problems and relationship problems in life. Through personal choices many are creating negative habits with ruinous results in their lives and lives of those around them. So a bad habit is an activity ritually being done that is causing negative effects in your life. To get rid of the bad habits we need to choose to replace them with something else. That is one reason habits are hard to break. People just stop the habit. Since there is nothing to fill the void the person rushes back to the bad habit often defeated and building negative self talk of. “Well I tried and failed so I guess I just can’t stop”. So before stopping have a positive habit ready to take its place.

IF you look into new habit creating on the internet most statements point to the need to do something 21 days in a row to create a new habit. I remember in a Positive Psychology class I took the professor emphasized make a commitment for 30 days to get the new ritual habit firm in your life. So if you feel your are negatively affected by spending several hours a night in a habit of watching tv you may want to create a couple new habits of exercise and painting to fill up the time. Think of things you would enjoy doing that will have positive consequences in your life.

Reflection
Are there any negative habits dragging your life down to just ok existing? Write down two new habits you would like to begin in your life to better improve you daily experience.

What If You Ruled The World?

Recently a friend knowing some of my blog postings look at songs and their meanings for our life experience sent me the song, If I Ruled the World, by Leslie Bricusse and Cyril Ornadel that was sung by Tony Bennett back in the 1960’s. The song makes me think of the personal power we have in our choices to improve our lives and the lives of those around us. Shad Helmstetter in his book Choices states, “ Who knows what you could accomplish in life if you made more of the right choices along the way.” Each day by the choices we make, we rule our world. The question is what kind of world are we creating? Click on the title of the Tony Bennett song and hear him sing it and then take some moments to reflect over the words.

IF I RULED THE WORLD
Tony Bennett
Words by Leslie Bricusse/Music by Cyril Ornadel

If I ruled the world, ev'ry day would be the first day of spring
Every heart would have a new song to sing
And we'd sing of the joy every morning would bring

If I ruled the world, ev'ry man would be as free as a bird,
Ev'ry voice would be a voice to be heard
Take my word we would treasure each day that occurred

My world would be a beautiful place
Where we would weave such wonderful dreams
My world would wear a smile on its face
Like the man in the moon has when the moon beams
If I ruled the world every man would say the world was his friend
There'd be happiness that no man could end
No my friend, not if I ruled the world
Every head would be held up high
There'd be sunshine in everyone's sky
If the day ever dawned when I ruled the world

Why this song makes me think of the power of our choices, is pondering over what I would do if I ruled the world for a day? As we step out each day don’t we by our choices make rulings on how our individual worlds will be created and run? There are many positive desires and choices, Leslie Bricusse presents in his lyrics that are a guide to the kind of choices we can make in living more than ok.

In the very beginning he pronounces “ev'ry day would be the first day of spring”. Spring is a season of new creation and creativity as flowers and plants bloom. What if we carried that attitude and choice into each day? Looking at each day as a refreshing adventure instead of a dreary struggle to fight through. No wonder stress and depression is so high when the daily attitude is anticipating the grey storm clouds in the daily journey instead of looking forward to the blooming roses in the day’s activities. The phrase, “we'd sing of the joy every morning would bring” reminded me of memories riding the Chicago subway trains in the morning to work. There was never much joy on the faces of people on their way to work. How would the workday change if there was more joy in the attitude choices we make in our day? The song also speaks of smiles as bright as moon beams and happiness. Smiles and a cheery attitude can be a part of how we rule our day for the better in helping to spread joy to the stressed out worker at the cash register, the bus driver, or someone fighting the Monday Morning Blues. Have you ever noticed an attitude in a crabby store worker when you smile and say have a nice day. They immediately for the most part brighten up.

Another standout phrase is “we would treasure each day that occurred”. We should rule our world with the attitude of gratitude that I have mentioned in the past. Treasuring is to savor all the good memories that come to us each and every day. We gain more out of life if we reflect over the good that comes out of each day rather than expanding on the few negatives. Treasuring each day is a positive choice we can make to impact our positive growth. Then the last phrase that stands out to me is “if I ruled the world every head would be held up high”. The thought of the importance of personal self esteem and respecting each other’s self esteem comes to my mind in this phrase of the lyrics. I will delve more into self esteem in the future. In recent years self esteem has been given a bad rap . We need as we go through each day holding our head up high so we can see the roses in our life, the moon beams in the sky, and the beauty of the sunsets that we can apply to all the good things in life. If we insecurely mop around with our head to the ground we will miss so much of what life has to offer,

Reflection:
What would the world be like if you were ruler for a day? What positive choices can you learn from the song, IF I RULED THE WORLD, to brighten your daily journey?

The Importance of Choices in Our Lives

Recently I received an email comment on my posting Our Humanity Messiness and Choices. You can read the comment at that posting. The person rightly pointed out that some messes occur due to our being locked up by our holding onto false beliefs generated through culture, society, religion, family, and ect. The commentator then used the example that men often do not go for help with problems due to the false beliefs that they should be strong and figure it out by themselves. A false pride in self; which is only fear of breaking free from the belief controlling them. The email ended with victory in the power to choose to free oneself of the fears of false belief. So I wanted to look more at our power to choose.

We can face fewer false beliefs if we challenge them with critical thinking skills I mentioned in the post Living More Than OK By Using Critical Thinking Skills. I will discuss more on that topic as well in the future. Yet even using critical thinking is a choice we must make. I mentioned power along with choice. “The greatest power that a person possesses is the power to choose” J. Martin Kohe, (author and psychologist). We have amazing power for good possibilities and bad in our lives based on the choices we make. Hal Urban in his book Life’s Greatest Lessons says, “…we all have the potential to do more with our lives. Every human being is capable of making great strides in self development and major increases in achievements.” As I have mentioned before that is a driving force in my starting this blog --the desire to help people maximize their potential and possibilities in life.

Too many people fail to reach their potential because they feel they do not have control. They fail to see that each day is full of choices that affect our present and futures. Sure there are the flat tires that come in our lives. No one wakes up choosing to be stranded on the side of the road with a flat. Even then we make a choice to get out of the car to fix the flat or call Triple A to fix the flat for us. I am a firm believer in Chaos Theory. Happenstance happens. Yet when the stuff of life we cannot control come crushing in we still have a choice what to do in response. Even the response of allowing ourselves to be crushed by the circumstance is a choice. Been there, been crushed and don’t recommend remaining crushed for a length of time.

To maximize our living we need to see the positive choices we can make each day. Even to make lemonade out of the lemons that drop into our lives. One of my favorite Psychological theories, ( probably because I believe in the power of Choice), is Choice Theory by Dr. William Glasser. A central aspect of Choice Theory is the belief that we are internally, not externally motivated. While other theories suggest that outside events "cause" us to behave in certain predictable ways, Choice Theory teaches that outside events never "make" us to do anything. What drives our behavior are internally developed notions of what is most important and satisfying to us. … Another major concept in Choice Theory is the notion that we always have some choice about how to behave. This does not mean that we have unlimited choice or that outside information is irrelevant as we choose how to behave. It means that we have more control than some people might believe and that we are responsible for the choices we make. (from www.choicetheory.com). What is going on internally in us is more important than the externals that affect our life journey. We are responsible to make the best choices for our good and for those traveling on the journey with us.

I like Dr. Glasser’s thinking, as the quote states we do not ignore the external information. If I have a flat tire I don’t ignore it and keep driving. “ My the road sure seems to be bumpy!” Of course it is not the road it is the flat tire. If I ignore the external, the small problem of the flat tire turns into the big problem of a smashed rim and broken axle. That bigger problem was the result of my ignoring the small problem. So by understanding the power of our choices we can maximize our living and sidetrack many of our problems which are results of poor choices or choosing not to choose.
As you wake up each day understand that you, not others are in control of your choices. Make the choice to make choices that will be the best for your life journey and for those travelling with you. “It is the big choices we make that set our direction. It is the smallest choices we make that get us to the destination.” –Shad Helmstetter-

Reflection:

Do you take the time to use critical thinking in the choices you make?
How do you respond to the external flat tires in your life?
Are there some choices you need to make that may bring new possibilities to your life journey?

Our Humanity Messiness and Choices

In being open and accepting of our humanness we need to be aware that in our life journey we have a tendency to make messes in our lives. At times we are our own worst enemy towards living an abundant life which I term Living More Than OK. We fall into wrong behaviors or harmful thought patterns that affect our behaviors. Sometimes it is a negative reaction to chance events in our lives.

Looking at life with a Christian worldview I see the messes we create in life relate to the concept of the sin nature spoken of in the Bible. It is the observation that we fall short of perfection and many times fall far short. Two children fighting in school and a teacher stops them, how often will one student step up and say, “ to be honest, teacher I started the fight.” No instead without being taught they point at each other, “He started it!.” No one teaches us to lie it comes natural. These falling short moments often create messes in our lives that affect our life experience and many times those around us.. It is a struggle with our human nature that we fight with in our life. The Apostle Paul points out this inner struggle in his writings. “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. (Romans 7:15,18&19). It is that battle of choosing to do right or wrong.

The battle between doing what is right verses creating a new mess in our lives relates to our personal choices. From a Christian standpoint the ultimate choice in the battle relates to a faith decision in what Christ has done for us in His Death And Resurrection. But the little battles daily relate to personal choices as well. As Dr Shad Helmstetter says , “ Who knows what you could accomplish in life if you made more of the right choices along the way?”

We recently took our daughter up to Corpus Christi to a Switchfoot concert. They have a song on their new CD Hello Hurricane that relates to the topic of Overcoming messes in our lives. Watch the video of them, and reflect over the lyrics below.

Mess of Me (Click to watch the video)

I am my own affliction, I am my own disease
There ain’t no drug that they could sell, Ah there ain´t no drugs to make me well
There ain´t no drug

There ain´t no drug, There ain´t no drug, It´s not enough, The sickness is myself

- Chorus -
I made a mess of me I wanna get back the rest of me
I made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
I made a mess of me I wanna the get back rest of me
I made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
The rest of my life alive!

We lock our souls in cages, We hide inside our shells
It´s hard to free the ones you love, Oh when you can´t forgive yourself
Yeah forgive yourself!

There ain´t no drug, There ain´t no drug, There ain´t no drug, The sickness is myself

- Chorus -
I made a mess of me I wanna get back the rest of me
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna reverse this tragedy
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
The rest of my life alive!

There ain´t no drug, There ain´t no drug, There ain´t no drug, No drug to make me well
There ain´t no drug, It´s not enough, I´m breaking up, The sickness is myself
The sickness is myself

- Chorus -
I made a mess of me I wanna get back the rest of me
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna reverse this tragedy
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
The rest of my life alive!!
When we choose to let our messes control our lives we lock ourselves up. When I allowed my life to spiral into depression after a difficult time in Chicago I did lock up a lot of my spare time in my apartment. It was often a struggle to get out and do the right thing of doing things I enjoyed like exploring the art museum, various neighborhood activities and seeing people at church. It was more depressingly comfortable to stay in the shell of the apartment. The desire in the back of my mind was to “get back the rest of me” and “spend the rest of my life alive”. That was the choice I eventually followed

During that difficult period, I took the time to reflect on how I wanted the rest of my life to go. Times of meditation on the Psalms and solitude of prayerful reflection on my life journey helped me make better Choices. “Listen to the quietest of whispers of your mind…They are telling you the choices that will help you the most.” - Shad Helmstetter. It is during times of quiet solitude where we can think through our lives and our future possibilities with deeper clarity. So if you are in the midst of a mess or tired of a messy life; place into your time schedule time to have quiet time to reflect on the whispers of your mind. Make a weekend get away to just reflect on what you want to make your live more alive. To reflect over the future of your life journey and look at new possibilities for yourself.

Reflection:
Is there a mess in your life that makes you feel caged in?
How can you get back to being the you -- you want to be?
What will help you make your life more alive?

Living More Than Ok By Using Critical Thinking Skills

From the time we wake up and debate hitting the snooze button we are thinking. Thoughts our constantly flooding our mind. It could be said even during our sleep the mind is active during our dreams states. How do these thoughts affect our living? Is just ok living affected by just ok thinking? By improving our thinking skills can we move beyond ok to abundant living? That is what I would like to challenge our thinking about this week. How critical thinking can improve our living.

What is Critical Thinking? One of my favorite definitions of it comes from Richard Paul, one of the top researchers and writers about critical thinking. He states, “ Critical Thinking is thinking about your thinking while you are thinking, in order to make your thinking better.” That is a lot of thinking! It means to actively reflect over your thinking analyzing and looking at the logic to improve your thought life. I tell my students I work with that the brain is like a computer and our thinking is like the software programs. Critical thinking is studying over our program of thoughts with the motive to improve our truly personal computer in our head.

The important question is what is the quality of our thinking? Have you ever watched a news story and said to your self – “What were they thinking?”. There are examples of bad thinking all over the media. When I want to get a good laugh out of poor quality thinking I check out Chuck Shepherd’s website News of the Weird. I can laugh at the antics of the results of people’s thinking yet the problem is when I catch myself saying, “what was I thinking?” Those moments are when I especially understand the need for critical thinking – analyzing my thinking to improve it.

Two authors that have spoken so well to the issue of critical thinking are Richard Paul and Linda Elder. One of my favorite books on critical thinking is their Critical Thinking: Tools For Taking Charge of Your Professional Life and Personal Life. In their writing they point out that three main functions of the mind are thinking, ( comparing, judging, analyzing and synthesizing); Feeling, ( happy, sad, depressed, calm, and worried); and wanting, (goals, purposes, values, and motives). Each waking moment our minds are thinking through these areas as we relate to life and our environment. Our thoughts are moving either passively or actively. Critical thinking comes to play as we take the active control of our thoughts. Our thoughts either control us passively by emotionally responding, or we control our thoughts by actively rationally, “thinking about our thinking”

Our life is about the choices we make in our decision process. With each choice there is a consequence and then we make another decision based on that consequence and so on. If we are not critically thinking life happens to us -- sometimes with bad consequences. Maybe even to the level of being in a news story where others look at us and say, “what was he thinking?”. Hopefully not to the level that we appear in News of the Weird! By actively using critical thinking we can have more control over our living, make more positive choices that will bring better results in our lives.
Of course we can’t control everything just by our thinking. Using critical thinking won’t stop a storm from destroying our house or from a illness coming into our life. It won’t stop the affects of other people’s poor quality thinking, whether they are family, friends, or politicians from affecting our personal lives. But the habit of building stronger thinking patterns will help us respond positively and constructively to events and actions that come into our life journey.

Reflection:
Think about your thinking. Are you more active or passive in your thinking? How are you controlling life, rather than letting life control you? Take some time to look over the website www.criticalthinking.org and see if you can gain some helpful insights for your life.

Moving Beyond Going Through The Motions

Stepping into a new year is a time to re-evaluate the previous year’s journey and start anew. I will continue in this blog to speak to topics of Positive Psychology and Spirituality that can help in living more than ok lives. Moving beyond the boredom, the sameness, the going through the motions that keep us from living a flourishing, abundant life; that our Creator created us for. That is why I would like to start the year off thinking over the words to this Matthew West song, The Motions. Click on the song title to hear and see a video of the song and then reflect over the lyrics below.


The Motions (click here)by Matthew West
This might hurt
It’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care
If I break
At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions

No regrets
Not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something

Take me all the way
Take me all the way
Take me all the way

The dull routines of our individual rat race often leaves us feeling like we are just going through the motions each day. The feeling is kind of like the Movie, Ground Hog Day, where the day keeps happening over and over again. Matthew West captures the description of the desperate boring life many people find themselves trapped in, “Cause just ok is not enough, help me fight through the nothingness of life.” This is the life over the years I have seen students and others ensnared in and I have had my times of experiencing it as well. It is the “Just OK” life that keeps us living far below the potential that each of us have in us. It is the life that tricks us into seeing our work as just a job to grunt through, rather than a calling. It is a life that causes us to waste so much time staring at mind numbing TV shows or even nonsensical, inane Youtube videos for hours at a time.

The song, The Motions, reminds us of the power of choice. That we have a choice to make how we live our lives. Are we going to stay in the numbing comfort of the recliner and live just ok? Or are we willing to take a risk to step out to make a difference in life? Matthew West as a Christian is pointing to letting the passionate love of God to consume and control our lives. As a follower of this worldview I whole heartedly concur. Yet the principle of breaking out of the “unfeeling ok”, existence to finding a passionate purpose to take control of our living, can be expanded in many ways in each of our journeys. Christians and non-Christians can live lives of passion for maximum potential living and having no regrets in life. The key is making the right choices to move from just ok to more than ok.

At the beginning of this new year of 2010 take some time to look over your life. Do you have areas where the going through the motions is dragging you down into a tiresome boring existence? As you look back at 2009 do you have nagging regrets? Looking into this New Year do you want to feel more and live more is a positive way? As we journey through the year I will be bringing up topics that will discuss issues of moving beyond going through the motions. Hope you come back from time to time so I can help you with your “fight through the nothingness of life.”

Reflection:
Take some time in a quiet setting to reflect over the areas of your life where you feel like you are going through the motions. Jot those areas down on a paper, journal, or computer document. Then brainstorm some solutions and ideas to break out of the rut. Also in the brainstorming consider if there is a passion for something that you would like to take the risk to branch out into in this New Year.

The Career Journey: Openness to Happenstance and God Moments

On our career journey, I mentioned earlier that career assessments can open up career possibilities for individuals to think over. Another aspect to look at in our career journey is happenstance in our lives. These are the chance events that pop into our lives. These events have an effect in our careers and life in general. Some consider happenstance as luck or circumstances. Coming at life from my Christian worldview, I see a Creator God guiding life rather than random chance so I view happenstance occurrences as God moments. His special intervention in our lives.

I count it a privilege to have attended a few years ago a training by Dr. John Krumboltz and Dr. Al Levin about Happenstance which was based on their book Luck Is No Accident. I appreciated their thinking that Career Counselors need to have a whole life focus instead of just looking at finding life fulfillment in just a career. Events that come into our lives shape the direction we move in career and our overall life journey. I highly recommend this book if you are exploring career and life fulfillment. Their thoughts helped me to view our life journey as the Beatles song says The Long and Winding Road instead of a straight direct line.

As I read through their book and considered their Happenstance Learning Theory I applied it to my career life journey. What we think we will do in our high school years can vary widely as we react to life events. Drs. Krumboltz and Levin point out that our careers and lives are not a result of just pure chance happenstance. It is the choices we make in response to those events. That is an important factor to consider. As I look at my life, I see turning points of happenstance in the timeline of my life.

For example in my junior high school years in Ohio, I had a high respect for the pastor at my local church. Having grown up in a single parent home I looked up to him as a role model. So in High School I decided I would go to Bible College and be a pastor of a church. Then in my senior year a new pastor took charge who was a real jerk, was abusive to people, and had an affair with the secretary of the church so I became disillusioned. In my disillusionment I looked at my high school career test results. The results listed careers of minister but also engineering. So in my disillusionment I chose engineering. During the first year of college I realized by working with a career counselor I had deeper Social leanings in my career choices and I should not let one poor example of a pastor disturb my move in that direction. So I moved first back home and worked a while at a factory to sort out where to go to school. I selected a Bible College in Chicago where a couple of my friends attended.

After my Bachelors degree in Bible at Moody Bible Institute I went on for a Master of Divinity degree at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School also in the Chicago area. By then I had an interest in Counseling so I took that emphasis in my degree. You would think I would then move into a religious ministry position but that did not happen. Some life events occurred to move me into a job with a Publishing company in the Chicago Suburbs. It was a lower level position keeping track of returned books from bookstores and schools. Being a booklover I thought this may be an opportunity to move into the publishing world. I noticed in my work there, in my small office at the back of the building, workers from various departments would stop by and many would vent their frustrations concerning their lives to me. Especially after a few years as the company was bought out by another company; stress levels rose at work so even higher level managers would come by and they would apologize for “venting”. I would reply “don’t worry everyone does – I’m the company shrink back here”.

At this time I was also doing volunteer work with a Korean minister who was working with college students from different cultural backgrounds. I found I enjoyed tutoring and counseling the students on their life plans. As the publishing company spiraled out of control from the corporate buyout; and I had two deaths in my family, my mother and oldest brother -- I moved into a customer service job at a local suburban corporation. For the next two years I worked customer service in phone order departments. Definitely not my dream job of high school days but it paid the bills. During that time I kept volunteering with the Korean minister as I enjoyed helping the college students. This is when I met my future wife, Susie at one of his meetings. After a year of having met her, she needed to move from Chicago, IL to Texas to pursue her Pharmacy career

As she moved to Texas I had a decision to make -- do I follow her to Texas or just stay in Chicago? Continuing to think about Happenstance or God Moments, (in my high school days I would never have envisioned this choice). I had no desire ever to move to Texas as I did not care for cowboys or the Wild West. Some of my friends echoed that thinking. Other friends of mine told me to look at my life. If I really loved Sook , (as Susie is known in Chicago), I would take the risk and move to Brownsville. It was also pointed out to me that I really did not enjoy my work in Customer Service. So I took the risk and moved.

My move was to Brownsville, TX the southernmost tip of Texas. I landed work in Real Estate while I looked for other types of work as well. With my lack of Spanish skills it was difficult to find other work. I thought back to my volunteer work with college students in Chicago and thought working at a university would be fulfilling. I eventually landed a job as a Student Success Advisor at a Technical College in the area. By then I had married Susie and she encouraged me to go back to school, as I had always wanted to finish a Masters in Counseling. I finished that degree at the University of Texas at Brownsville. After working 5 years at the College, a Career Counseling position opened at UTB so I applied and got the job. This is a job that I am thankful for being a part in opening students’ minds to their possibilities for their futures. But it is miles apart from what I thought I would be doing when I graduated from High School.

As I look over my life and think of the Happenstance Theory I see the life events that I had not planned nor envisioned in my high school life: living in Chicago, working at a Publisher where co-workers would turn to me for their “Venting”, my mother and brother’s death, the stress of the company spinning out of control , meeting the Korean minister through a musician friend where I gained a passion for working with University students, meeting my wife at a Korean church, moving to Texas. All events I did not plan on, but the choices I made concerning them helped shape the present I am enjoying now. Some events were stressful others joyful but looking back I can see them as God Moments, of molding events in my life and career journey.

Take time to look back over your life journey. What are the unplanned events that entered your life to bring you where you are today? Take some time to write your life journey down and reflect over the choices you made in the various turning points in your life. Be thankful for your life journey.