It Is All About Choices

As you know if you have been stopping by here the past couple weeks, I have focused my blog on questions I have had people ask about my new book, “Living More Than OK”. This week I want to discuss how can people begin to live more than ok? When posed with that question the first relevant word that came to mind was “Choices”. The movement towards “Living More Than OK” starts with a choice. I would even say the opposite is true that staying stuck in boring okness begins with a choice as well. All aspects of our life journey revolves around our choices.

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Dr. Shad Helmstetter in his book, “Choices”, states that, “you may think that in life a lot of things happen to you along the way. The truth is, in life you happen to a lot of things along the way.” In our times of being stuck in the rut of existence we blame the circumstances and the stuff of life that is happening to us. What Dr. Helmstetter is bringing to light is that yes a lot happens to us, but we have a choice in how we react to what happens. We can choose to do nothing and stay stuck in a passive acceptance to our circumstances. This choice just keeps up with the routines of life and living in an ok survival mode existence. Often, in that case we do not stay on the same plane of existence, and we then spiral down to lower levels of negativity.

The Upward Spiral:

The other choice is with the “Living More Than OK” mindset which does not settle for boring stuck-ness or living a downward spiral. It moves in an upward spiral to continued personal growth. The movement is towards living the best life possible.

This brings me to another quote by Dr. Helmstetter, “It is your programming that has created your choices in the past. It is the choices you make today that are creating the programs of your future.”
This means that the choices in our past created circumstances that have affected our present situations. If we want to improve our futures we need to improve the future programming by making positive choices in the present, which will result in more positive future circumstances. These positive choices help create the upward spiral to better living.

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Positive Choices = Positive Living

So the positives and the negatives in our lives for the most part go back to the quality of choices we are making in our decision process. That is why I feel my essay on critical thinking in my book , is of such critical importance! We need to keep improving the quality of our thought processes to build up our positive programming from the choices we make. Input into our mental programming negative and passive choices we find that the output will be negative circumstances. Input positive wise choices and the result will be positive circumstance in our life. It is the simple programming concept of garbage in, garbage out.

I believe no one wants negative results in their lives. No one enjoys boredom, but they succumb to it by reacting passively to the stuff of life around them. The lack of critical thinking makes people believe there can never be any good things that come their way. They believe, Lady Luck never shines on them not understanding that one needs to be active in creating their luck by choosing to grow, or choosing to try something different.

Another relevant thought by Dr. Helstetter is, “Those who choose to succeed always do better than those who never choose at all.”

Of course the way I look at it, not choosing is a choice as well to passively stay stuck.

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So if you are unhappy feeling stuck in a negative spiral and you truly desire a positive change, order a copy of my book, “Living More Than OK … Spiraling Up To Abundant Living”. That can be a positive choice to move your life into a positive upward spiral.

Reflection:
What is the quality of your choices? Do you think choices through with critical thinking or simply passively respond to what life throws at you? Visualize what a more positive life would be like for you. Now go for it by making wise positive choices!

Four Tips for Living a More Than OK Life

I have been asked many times what is “Living More Than OK” about? What am I trying to get across to people? When I think those questions, the first thought that comes to my mind is a thought from Dr. Martin Seligman’s book, “Flourishing”, ‘happiness, flow, meaning, love, gratitude, accomplishment, growth, better relationships – constitute human flourishing. Learning you can have more of these things in life is life changing.” That is the basis of Dr. Seligman’s book considering the importance of positive psychology principles for daily living. His Dr. Seligman’s thoughts relate well with the message I am trying to have people think about in their own lives.

1. Wake Up and Live

I am trying to wake up people from their reality TV slumber and remind them that we all are created for more than simply existing. That we can move beyond boring ok-ness to living more than ok... spiraling up to abundant living. Abundant living is similar to Seligman’s thoughts on flourishing living. Throughout my years of observing life. I have observed too many live in a passive survival mode. That is what TV tries to capitalize on. As people come home from working a hard day they become hooked staring at a large screen in the living room giving them entertainment. In reading time management articles over the past couple of years, I have noticed the trend being stated that more people waste time on the Internet that watching TV. Still both use the same passive watching of a screen. It is just that with computers and iPads the screens have become smaller.

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2. Fighting Okness

What I am encouraging is a move from passivity to a continual growth process in the individual life journey. It is the plateaus of ok-ness that bring on boredom. This stagnates our life, and sad to say a person can become comfortably bored living years of existence in the cycle of work, TV and beer until retirement, then it narrows down to TV and beer. Then looking back with a life of regret over what they wish they would have done in life. Again I am hard on TV, as over the years I have seen the dedication to what is called reality TV, which is not really reality. The whole concept comes across to me sad in seeing millions of people voyeuristically, wasting time observing other people living their lives rather than actively living their own lives.

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3. How to Think Versus Daydream

In my book I look at various aspects of positive psychology such as happiness, thankfulness, personal growth, meaning and resilience. I cover these by discussing the foundation of these with critical and creative thinking. I promote taking time to think over personal dreams and life purpose instead of daydreaming. I emphasize, being more active in life is important by considering adding natural high activities and taking risks on new activities in one’s life. There is no effort in my book to prioritize the various topics, as I believe we are each uniquely created with various personal interests and strengths. As I state in the forward of my book I am trying to wet the appetites of the readers to grow deeper in the topics they find more relevant to their life journey.

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4. Read

Other than the theme of continual individual growth there is a unique theme I emphasize in the book. That is my essay on being a bookhead. Granted, I am an avid reader, so I promote reading from a personal interest standpoint. But more so as I do research on reading, I believe that reading is important in helping the individual move from being passive to active in their living. Reading might be construed as a passive activity, but it is reading that actively engages the mind creatively and analytically to make choices for personal growth. I am presently continuing practical research on reading and that will be the main topic of the next “Living More Than OK” book I do.

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So if you feel like you are tired of being stuck on a boring plateau of ok-ness order a copy of my book and start actively “Living More Than OK”.
You can order it online at these merchants:
AuthorHouse

Barnes and Noble

Amazon

You can also order it through your local bookseller as well.
Keep spiraling upwards in your life!

Reflection: Do you feel stuck in a boring plateau in your life? Brainstorm ways you can break out of the rut to be more active.

Reflections On The Past Of Living More Than OK

This week I am doing personal reflections on the beginning inspirations of my blog, which turned into my book. My hope is that it will give you a deeper feeling for where I am coming from in emphasizing continual self-improvement which that I call, “Living More Than OK”.

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How It Started

When I think back to the year 2009, I am still thankful for having the privilege to take the course on Positive Psychology with lectures by Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar. That opened my mind in a deep manner about the wellness model within psychology. His encouragement at the end of the course was to seek ways to promote positive psychology concepts. It was after that when I began to think about starting my blog. Of course negative self-talk filled my mind with -- who would bother to read anything I wrote. Still by reframing my thoughts, I settled on if doing it, even if it helps only a few people live a better life. Writing the blog I felt was worth the effort.

The Role of Boredom

At first thought in 2009, the word boredom came to my mind as I thought through how I viewed how many people live their lives. Then discussions with my College students about how boredom negatively affected their studies and personal lives further intrigued my thinking for the need to encourage positive psychology principles. All of this moved me to read research articles on the subject. It made sense that a life of boredom increases negative effects in daily life. A tragic example of this was seen in the Summer of 2013 in Oklahoma as three teens murdered a college age baseball player as he was jogging. Reports stated the teens were bored and simply killed him for some excitement.

Of course that is an extreme case for most people, the boredom of life means wasting their life away. Too many live below their potential, which I have observed in many college students by their own admission in discussions. I have seen the same in work settings over the years. That is why I stated back in 2009, just OK living is going through the motions with no purpose or meaning. I don’t see it as a way the best way of living.

We were created for a better life than just surviving.

The words of Jesus that inspired my study came from “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life and that they may have it more abundantly." (John 10:10). This is more the way I think we should be living life. Abundant living is living life to the full.

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What is the goal of life?

Boredom steals from our living and destroys and in some cases sadly, even kills. Abundant living and practical ways to live to our full God given potential is what I have always tried to explore ins this blog and hope to continue to do in the future.

The first questions I posed back in 2009 still hold true for me today: How can we continually move beyond boredom to living a joyful and abundant life? A continual growth mindset of “Living More Than OK” realizes that as we grow beyond what is ok in our life we plateau to a new level of ok-ness. So, the goal of abundant living is to not settle on the plateaus, but to keep growing to new levels of “Living More Than OK”. That is what I have been trying to get across in this blog over the years.

Reflection:
How does boredom in life negatively affect you? What are ways you have learned to keep your life moving to new levels of living more than ok?

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No Luck With Resolutions…Try Goals

On New Year’s Eve while watching the festivities in New York on Fox News there was much talk of New Year’s resolutions. Many on the station were stating their resolutions for 2014. Just from my past experience in work settings I have not observed many who kept their resolutions. This is one reason I stopped doing them. That made me curious about how many actually keep their resolutions. With an online search I found an article in Forbes magazine’s website from 2013 that stated research from the University of Scranton on the subject. They stated that about 40% of us make resolutions. The surprising or not surprising point was that only 8% keep their resolutions.

So if you have already broken your resolution for 2014 don’t feel too bad as you are in the 92% majority. That low number made me think of how can more people stay steadfast on the changes they want to make. The word goal came into my mind. First just looking at the word resolution Merriam Webster online defines it this way -- something that is resolved (to make a definite serious decision to do something). Now the definition for the word goal -- is something that you are trying to do or achieve. Both words seem very similar.

Let’s go back to the low success rate with resolutions. Even though the definitions are similar if you think about it how much thought goes into most New Year’s Resolutions? Generally they are done off the cuff at parties. So there is a quickly stated emotional aspect to them. Also in many cases they are stated after the person has had a few alcoholic drinks so he definitely has not thought through the resolution. So this could be reasons that resolutions go by the wayside so quickly.

What about goals? In the book A Life Worth Living edited by Mihaly & Isabella Csikszentmihalyi there is an essay, "What Works Makes You Happy: The Role of Personal Goals in Life-Span Development". The authors state that goals help in satisfying motivational needs. They show in the article from research how goals aid people in having a satisfying life. Here is what some of the research shows on the effectiveness of goals:
•
Those with goals related to their needs report well-being.
• Those who have a disciplined commitment to their goals have higher life satisfaction.
• Those who see progress in reaching their goals have less stress and higher life satisfaction.
• Those who create realistic and feasible goals have more life satisfaction. (p186)

These are just a few of the positive aspects of creating and following goals. So maybe it is better to think through goals for the year instead of spouting off a quick resolution at a party.

Usually at the end of each year I take some time to think through and formulate new goals for the new year. One point that is seen in the statements from the research is make the goals realistic and feasible. You want to go for big things in life but if they are too undoable that just brings discouragement. So along with goal statements you need to think through a few panning steps of commitment to reach your goal. I believe it helps to write your goal and the planning steps down as well. This helps to solidify in your mind what you want to achieve. Also if it is written down you can you can post it somewhere as a reminder to help keep your commitment level high. That is another aspect to failed resolutions they are just spoken at the party and forgotten quickly. Often they are remembered only after noticing you gained 10 pounds instead of losing the 10 pounds.

So if you have already failed your New Year’s resolution don’t worry over it. Instead take some time and write out a clear concise concrete goal to accomplish. Jot down a few action steps to be committed to in helping you reach the goal. Then post it somewhere where you will regularly notice your goal to keep it in remembrance.

Reflection: What do you want to accomplish in your life in 2014 to keep Living More Than OK? Write down a goal for the year along with relevant action steps. Then place it where it will be noticed as a reminder.

A Mindful Christmas With Focus Forward

This Christmas we took a different path of celebrating the day and took a short trip on Christmas Day to the small town of Marble Falls, Texas. The only place open in the town for activities was a small movie theater where we saw the new The Secret Life of Walter Smitty movie. From there we enjoyed a magnificent Christmas light display the town puts on every year. A volunteer told me that the display is put up by townspeople but they also receive help from a local prison that sends a team of inmates to help string lights. Those same inmates are invited back before the display opens to the public to see the fruits of their work and enjoy punch and cookies. She mentioned for many inmates it is a touching experience to give back to society in that manner.

Back at the hotel I had time for some reading so took the occasion to read through my December issue of Mindful magazine. Sitting there reading I was thankful that we had a relaxing Christmas day together with no major cooking or cleanup. This time of reading also gave me the time to be reflective. Mindfulness is being able to appreciate the present moment . I thought that had been a part of the evening for me, starting with the Christmas light display. Strolling through and viewing the lights with my wife and daughter gave me time to reflect on the message of Christmas and the importance of this holiday in my present and past. The crisp cold air gave me the reminder of Christmas time even though being in Central Texas there was no snow unlike my Ohio and Chicago Christmas days. Viewing the displays I was able to fully able to fully enjoy them in the moment while at the same time they brought up fond savoring memories from Christmases past.

This time of year I do also begin to think of the year ahead of new goals and plans for the year ahead. It was interesting that the Mindful issue had an article that inspired me to reflect on my new goals and plans for the coming year. The article was “Focus” by Dr. Daniel Goleman. The article shared thoughts from his latest book, Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence. I have always been a strong supporter in my teaching college students concerning his concepts of emotional intelligence so this was the highlight article of the issue for me.

The article mentions the lack of the power of focus for many people in our modern technological world. In a Twitter, texting world minds are more scattered and less focused. I noticed this the other day while attending a Trans Siberian Orchestra concert. Two people beside me at the beginning of an amazing show were looking at other videos on the one person’s cell phone. Also throughout the show many people I noticed, instead of taking in the show with the focus on the performance, they had their cell phones out either texting or taking pictures and videos of the show. Why? To prove on Facebook that they were there? By mindfully being focused on the performance I was able to deeply appreciate the group’s talent yes, but also more importantly be touched by a powerful story of the meaning of Christmas within the story being told by the narrator and singers. I understood that Dr. Goleman was right -- focus is important.

Within the article he shared three aspects of focus I had never thought of before. He shared that to have what I call a living more than ok life of abundant living, we need to consider three vital aspects of focus. First is to focus on the inner world, other relationships, and the outer world. The “inner focus” zeroes in on our personal values and our personal unique strengths. The second is the “other focus” that relates to an emphasis on our relationship with others in our circle of influence. The third focus aspect to consider is the “outer focus” that encourages a consideration of the big picture of the larger world around us.

As I reflected on what Dr. Goleman was saying here how these three aspects of focus can move us towards excellence; I thought of how I usually worked through personal goals in the past. I would say my personal plans were usually planned with just the inner focus. So as I move in to the New Year with my planning and new goal preparation, I am deciding to add into the planning the “other focus’ and the “outer focus” to add new dimensions in the planning process as I prayerfully and mindfully consider ideas for my life in 2014.

Reflection: Do you find yourself more scattered in your thinking and your life? Did you take time to mindfully enjoy the meaning for Christmas in your personal life? What do you think of Dr. Goleman’s concepts of having an inner, other, and outer focus?

Don’t Forget Books For Last Minute Gift Shopping

This week I was thinking with Christmas coming what to write about . My mind went to a column I read last week on American Spectator, “Buy the Book Christmas Books The gift of knowledge”, by Thomas Sowell . Then by happenstance that day I saw a Barnes & Noble ad on Facebook with this quote, “Books make great gifts because they have whole worlds inside them” – Neil Gaiman. Then a couple days later, a friend from my school days on Facebook posted an interesting tag of mentioning 10 favorite books that had personal meaning to her life. So I thought why not write about books as a last minute Christmas gift option?

Now I know what you may be thinking. You notice my new book, Living More Than OK, at the top of my blog webpage. “Oh, this is a subtle attempt to get me to buy his book.” My response to that is, “ do you really think I would stoop so low as to just focus in on my book to get more sales? Ummmm! Oh my, that is a great idea. Thank you for thinking of it!” But seriously I am looking at this topic from the standpoint of the individual needs of each person on your gift list.

Considering the Neil Gaiman quote books make a great gift as they allow you to give a gift that opens up new worlds to the person you are giving the gift to. You have so many options to choose from in looking for books that relate to the friends you are shopping for. This variety with books is seen as Thomas Sowell brings out in his column there are options from coffee table books to more heady scholarly works. So through the gift of books you are opening up the mind of the receiver to new ideas, new possibilities and even new worlds. Dr. Sowell’s column title has the “gift of knowledge” in the title. What better gift to give as to increase a person’s thinking and knowledge with a Christmas gift of a book. Everything we read is increasing our knowledge which I believe is a good thing. I can’t think of a better way to help a friend prepare for new possibilities in the coming New Year.

Also giving the gift of books is very personal. In buying a book for someone you are thinking about the unique interests and likes of the person you are buying for. Of course you do that for any gift but with books you are zeroing even closer as you want the book to fit the individual. So buying books as a gift is very personal. If you need some ideas you can go to an online search engine like Google or Bing and search for ‘Best Books to give at Christmas”. You will find a wide variety of suggestions from various websites.

With shopping for books there are opportunities for ordering online through Barnes and Nobles and Amazon’s websites, as well as other book websites. Of course I am old fashioned, and prefer supporting brick and mortar bookstores. The internet cannot give you the feeling of exploring through the bookshelves and finding a hidden gem of a book. In the bookstore you can relax and peruse through any pages you wish, to see if it is the right book to purchase. So give me a bookstore any day!

Don’t forget in your buying books for others to not forget about yourself. Another great thing about books is that you are not going to break the bank so you can purchase a book for yourself to enjoy on these Wintry December days. Visualize yourself inside on a snow covered day with a hot cup of coffee and a good book. Buy yourself a book and you can make the visualization come true (maybe-- except for the snow if you live in the South like I do). Have a fun and safe final shopping weekend before Christmas!
By the way did I forget to mention I have a new book out? Living More Than OK! (Alright! I will keep quiet about it!).

Reflection: Write down the names of five of your friends. After their names write down what you know of their interests and likes. Search the internet for books that relate to those interests and likes.

Writing New Pages In The Book Of Your Life

At the recent Texas Counseling Association conference, in my presentation evaluation form , I asked attendees to share positive uplifting songs. My purpose, I told them was to pool among them a variety of positive songs that I could then email them for use with their clients and their own personal lives. As you know, I believe that music has power as a medium. A power for good or bad. My emphasis is to accentuate the positive music. They offered a wide variety of songs from various artists and styles of music. One that caught my attention is “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield.

I wasn’t aware of her as an artist and thought I had never heard the song. Once I listened to it on Youtube, I realized I had heard it but never paid attention to the message. As usual take a few minutes to listen to the song by clicking on the song title. I came across an extremely creative video that touches on the message of the song.

"Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield (click on the title to hear the song)

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you, Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance , So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions, Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you, Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else, Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken, Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins,
The rest is still unwritten
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you, Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance, So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions, Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you, Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else, Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken, Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin, No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in, No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips, Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open, Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Staring at the blank page before you, Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance, So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions, Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you, Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else, Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken, Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin, No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in, No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips, Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open, Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten, The rest is still unwritten, The rest is still unwritten

The first thought that hit me is that each new day we face is a blank page in the story of our lives. We may have some outline notes laying around if it is a day where we have something planned. Yet if we are honest much of what happens is unplanned. As we look into the future, years ahead and the end of our story; we do not know exactly what will be. We often find ourselves thinking of the future as the line says, “Reaching for something in the distance”. So we are constantly creating new pages in our book as we write with the pen of our daily living.

The song makes me think of Dr. John Krumboltz’s happenstance theory that speaks to the point that we need to be open to what life brings to us. The phrase “Live your life with arms wide open” points for me to be open to the possibilities that God brings my way. We need to be active in our lives as well, as Natasha reminds us to “Feel the rain on our skin”. We need to be involved actively in life as no one else can live life for us. Be open to trying new things which in turn can open up more possibilities. Thinking of the creativity of the video we see a book that was not satisfied to stay on the shelf but climbs to venture outside. I am very much of a traditionalist admittedly. The song though made me wonder can we become stuck behind dirty windows and settle that a drab ok life as this is all there is? Maybe it is better to open up and “Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find”. Move into the sunshine and try new experiences for new pages of our book.

The word, “drenching” to me is to allow full absorption in the new happenstance events, because that helps in the new creation of each day. This allows for full understanding so I can then “speak the words” on my lips to continue to write new portions of the narrative of my life story. Then as I close off a day I can sleep with anticipation for the next new page in my book the next day “The rest is still unwritten, The rest is still unwritten, The rest is still unwritten”.

Reflection: At the end of the day do you look forward to new opportunities in your next day as a blank page in the story of your life? As we near the end of this year look back at your life story for this year. What have been highlights in your story?