Pitfalls To Happiness

This is the fifth week of responding to some questions I have been given about my book, “Living More Than OK”. The final question is very good, in that it looks at the hindrances people have to positive change. With a new year here, this is important to think about! In the first blog post of this year I mentioned a study where only 8 percent of people actually keep their new year’s resolutions. The question posed to me is: what pitfalls do readers have to overcome to maintain a happy life? This causes me to think back to a couple of weeks ago when I spoke about choices.

The Dangers of Passivity

One major pitfall is the passivity of choosing not to choose. Going back to the thoughts of Dr. Shad Helmstetter here is one of the quotes I mentioned from him, “Those who choose to succeed always do better than those who never choose at all.” The successful and the happy make wise choices to move in that direction. The phrase, “those who never choose at all,” is a little misleading to me, as I believe not making an active choice to spiral up to abundant living is still a choice. It is a choice for the negative boring status quo that so many complain about, but never take action to do anything about. This pitfall is easy to get out of by simply taking time to put on your critical thinking and creative thinking hat on, and brainstorm new active choices to improve your life.

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There Is No Such Thing As a Happy Pill

Another example of a pitfall is all the excited talk about legalizing marijuana. Those wanting marijuana legalized act like that is the solution for instant happiness and enjoyment. To me, that is a pitfall that people want some easy way to happiness. “Just give me a drug to make me happy.” I never used alcohol or drugs, as I saw the negative fallout in people’s lives and thought: “Why would I want to do that to myself?” I read how Joe Scarborough of MSNBC came out recently, saying how he never tried marijuana because he thought those using the drug looked so dumb. I bring that same thought out in my book. I have seen a group high on marijuana before and they simply looked and sounded stupid. So my rationale was always why do I want to look stupid?

My essay chapter in “Living More Than OK” about Natural Highs clearly shows that there are so many ways to enjoy life to the full without smoking or snorting drugs. Again on the marijuana front, it is amazing how society has discouraged cigarette smoking as dangerous when it used to be considered cool years ago. Now the same people are exalting marijuana use even though it has more chemicals than cigarettes, is held more intensely in the lungs when they inhale it and some of the chemicals stay long term in the fatty tissue of the brain. Tell me where the critical thinking is on that issue?

What I am trying to get at is the easy way of hoping for a happiness drug is not the best way to “Live More Than OK”. There are so many more healthy and positive ways to have a more flourishing life.

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Open Up To Risks

The final chapter in the book relates to another important pitfall that stops people from growing in happiness. That is not being open to take risks. The openness to try something new. Many freeze up with fear in trying something new. I do honestly admit in my book that I am a low risk-taker. My natural highs are reading, music, travelling, enjoying time with family and friends. You notice I do not mention scuba diving or parachute jumping. That is just me. If you enjoy those activities go for it. Go for sports, art, dancing, photography…..the positive options are endless. I give ideas and resources in my book in relation to new natural high ideas. Take the risk to try something new this year.

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I have enjoyed answering these few questions about my book, “Living More Than OK” at the start of this year. Next week I will move into more topics. But if you have a question you would like me to speak to please send me a comment about it and I can address your question in a future week!

Reflection: What personal pitfalls hinder you from moving towards Living More Than OK in your life? What new activities would you like to do in the coming year?

My Life In Relation To Living More Than OK

Several times in the past I have been asked what has my career as a licensed professional counselor taught me about life and my concept of “Living More Than OK”? I want to answer that question from the context of my overall career journey. So this week I will focus on my career journey then show how it connects to “Living More Than OK”.

Starting Point Library

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My first job was in my high school years in my hometown at Barberton Public Library. Of course, that was part-time and being a book head, being around books is what made that job enjoyable for me by nature. I could not have asked for a better first job experience of working with friendly people and being around books.

After high school, but before moving to Chicago for my Bachelor degree at Moody Bible Institute, I worked for a year at a company that made sample books for carpet companies as a shipping and receiving clerk. That was a 40-hour grind, but the people were wonderful to work with and the management was friendly. On that job, I did observe what I mention in my book -- the living for the weekend mentality. Through my observations it was for many of the workers, dealing with a boring work life and waiting for a short respite of entertainment on the weekend. Primarily, I saw how the bar scene created a self-inflicted cycle of living paycheck to paycheck for many people.

Chicago and Career Change

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I am a firm believer in considering careers, of Dr. Krumboltz’s Happenstance theory and Dr. Jim Bright’s Chaos theory of careers. I left Ohio and went to Chicago for college study; thinking and planning to go into Protestant church work. I finished in Chicago a Bachelor and a Master degree that related to religious work. Even though with my Master of Divinity at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School I began a serious interest in Counseling.

Then life events occurred to create a shift, as Dr. Bright calls them. I found myself in customer service work at a variety of companies in the Chicago area. This allowed me to see the same life pattern I had seen in the Ohio company. The pattern of people living merely for a little fleeting happiness on the weekends. I always had wondered -- is the life of work, TV, and bars and clubs on the weekends the only reason we were created? Customer service is considered a mundane job of being in a cubicle on the phone and computer all day. Again, years doing that made me think that yes, it can be mundane, if that is your mindset, but all work can have intrinsic meaning and purpose. My longest position was with a textbook publishing company. Maybe working at a textbook company, some may think that is boring, but that company was helping to improve education. So there was meaning in being connected to such a company that was improving minds of customers around the world.

Further Career Change in Texas

In my final couple of years in Chicago I met my wife and we moved to Texas to allow her to follow her career journey. For me the move to Texas was where I was able to connect with my first job of helping college students in a Student Success department of Texas State Technical College in Harlingen, Texas. This was a job that I truly felt a passion for as it connected with my desire to counsel and encourage students in their career dream journeys. This position was an impetus to go on for a second Master degree this time in Counseling. At this point, I found myself being shaped by theories, such as, Dr. William Glasser’s Choice Theory that emphasizes the making of quality choices, which is one theory basis of my “Living More Than OK” thinking. Another style of Counseling theory, which is termed Solution-Focused, became important to me as it is very positive and goal oriented, which also in my book is a theme that runs throughout the thinking in it.

With a family move from deep South Texas to New Braunfels, Texas I continue to work with college students as an Adjunct Professor and I also do Counseling and Coaching. My continued work in higher education is one factor that has moved me to be working on a PhD in Psychology through Capella University. My studies there has reaffirmed my passion for Positive Psychology. My future dissertation will have some connection to the subject in a practical manner for people to live better lives.

So what does this chaotic, happenstance journey mean? A thread I have seen through my work life is that too many simply live as Henry David Thoreau stated, “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” Through jobs that allowed me to observe that, those jobs helped to shape my passion with college students to inspire them to live out their song.

Of course my book’s compilation of essays is also an attempt to challenge on a larger scale more people to move beyond desperation and sing out the song inside them.

Reflection: What have you learned from your career journey over the years? Is your job just a job? Consider the meaning that can be found in your work by considering the big picture of how you help people, or the service or products your company provides to help people have a better life.

It Is All About Choices

As you know if you have been stopping by here the past couple weeks, I have focused my blog on questions I have had people ask about my new book, “Living More Than OK”. This week I want to discuss how can people begin to live more than ok? When posed with that question the first relevant word that came to mind was “Choices”. The movement towards “Living More Than OK” starts with a choice. I would even say the opposite is true that staying stuck in boring okness begins with a choice as well. All aspects of our life journey revolves around our choices.

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Dr. Shad Helmstetter in his book, “Choices”, states that, “you may think that in life a lot of things happen to you along the way. The truth is, in life you happen to a lot of things along the way.” In our times of being stuck in the rut of existence we blame the circumstances and the stuff of life that is happening to us. What Dr. Helmstetter is bringing to light is that yes a lot happens to us, but we have a choice in how we react to what happens. We can choose to do nothing and stay stuck in a passive acceptance to our circumstances. This choice just keeps up with the routines of life and living in an ok survival mode existence. Often, in that case we do not stay on the same plane of existence, and we then spiral down to lower levels of negativity.

The Upward Spiral:

The other choice is with the “Living More Than OK” mindset which does not settle for boring stuck-ness or living a downward spiral. It moves in an upward spiral to continued personal growth. The movement is towards living the best life possible.

This brings me to another quote by Dr. Helmstetter, “It is your programming that has created your choices in the past. It is the choices you make today that are creating the programs of your future.”
This means that the choices in our past created circumstances that have affected our present situations. If we want to improve our futures we need to improve the future programming by making positive choices in the present, which will result in more positive future circumstances. These positive choices help create the upward spiral to better living.

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Positive Choices = Positive Living

So the positives and the negatives in our lives for the most part go back to the quality of choices we are making in our decision process. That is why I feel my essay on critical thinking in my book , is of such critical importance! We need to keep improving the quality of our thought processes to build up our positive programming from the choices we make. Input into our mental programming negative and passive choices we find that the output will be negative circumstances. Input positive wise choices and the result will be positive circumstance in our life. It is the simple programming concept of garbage in, garbage out.

I believe no one wants negative results in their lives. No one enjoys boredom, but they succumb to it by reacting passively to the stuff of life around them. The lack of critical thinking makes people believe there can never be any good things that come their way. They believe, Lady Luck never shines on them not understanding that one needs to be active in creating their luck by choosing to grow, or choosing to try something different.

Another relevant thought by Dr. Helstetter is, “Those who choose to succeed always do better than those who never choose at all.”

Of course the way I look at it, not choosing is a choice as well to passively stay stuck.

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So if you are unhappy feeling stuck in a negative spiral and you truly desire a positive change, order a copy of my book, “Living More Than OK … Spiraling Up To Abundant Living”. That can be a positive choice to move your life into a positive upward spiral.

Reflection:
What is the quality of your choices? Do you think choices through with critical thinking or simply passively respond to what life throws at you? Visualize what a more positive life would be like for you. Now go for it by making wise positive choices!

Four Tips for Living a More Than OK Life

I have been asked many times what is “Living More Than OK” about? What am I trying to get across to people? When I think those questions, the first thought that comes to my mind is a thought from Dr. Martin Seligman’s book, “Flourishing”, ‘happiness, flow, meaning, love, gratitude, accomplishment, growth, better relationships – constitute human flourishing. Learning you can have more of these things in life is life changing.” That is the basis of Dr. Seligman’s book considering the importance of positive psychology principles for daily living. His Dr. Seligman’s thoughts relate well with the message I am trying to have people think about in their own lives.

1. Wake Up and Live

I am trying to wake up people from their reality TV slumber and remind them that we all are created for more than simply existing. That we can move beyond boring ok-ness to living more than ok... spiraling up to abundant living. Abundant living is similar to Seligman’s thoughts on flourishing living. Throughout my years of observing life. I have observed too many live in a passive survival mode. That is what TV tries to capitalize on. As people come home from working a hard day they become hooked staring at a large screen in the living room giving them entertainment. In reading time management articles over the past couple of years, I have noticed the trend being stated that more people waste time on the Internet that watching TV. Still both use the same passive watching of a screen. It is just that with computers and iPads the screens have become smaller.

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2. Fighting Okness

What I am encouraging is a move from passivity to a continual growth process in the individual life journey. It is the plateaus of ok-ness that bring on boredom. This stagnates our life, and sad to say a person can become comfortably bored living years of existence in the cycle of work, TV and beer until retirement, then it narrows down to TV and beer. Then looking back with a life of regret over what they wish they would have done in life. Again I am hard on TV, as over the years I have seen the dedication to what is called reality TV, which is not really reality. The whole concept comes across to me sad in seeing millions of people voyeuristically, wasting time observing other people living their lives rather than actively living their own lives.

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3. How to Think Versus Daydream

In my book I look at various aspects of positive psychology such as happiness, thankfulness, personal growth, meaning and resilience. I cover these by discussing the foundation of these with critical and creative thinking. I promote taking time to think over personal dreams and life purpose instead of daydreaming. I emphasize, being more active in life is important by considering adding natural high activities and taking risks on new activities in one’s life. There is no effort in my book to prioritize the various topics, as I believe we are each uniquely created with various personal interests and strengths. As I state in the forward of my book I am trying to wet the appetites of the readers to grow deeper in the topics they find more relevant to their life journey.

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4. Read

Other than the theme of continual individual growth there is a unique theme I emphasize in the book. That is my essay on being a bookhead. Granted, I am an avid reader, so I promote reading from a personal interest standpoint. But more so as I do research on reading, I believe that reading is important in helping the individual move from being passive to active in their living. Reading might be construed as a passive activity, but it is reading that actively engages the mind creatively and analytically to make choices for personal growth. I am presently continuing practical research on reading and that will be the main topic of the next “Living More Than OK” book I do.

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So if you feel like you are tired of being stuck on a boring plateau of ok-ness order a copy of my book and start actively “Living More Than OK”.
You can order it online at these merchants:
AuthorHouse

Barnes and Noble

Amazon

You can also order it through your local bookseller as well.
Keep spiraling upwards in your life!

Reflection: Do you feel stuck in a boring plateau in your life? Brainstorm ways you can break out of the rut to be more active.

Reflections On The Past Of Living More Than OK

This week I am doing personal reflections on the beginning inspirations of my blog, which turned into my book. My hope is that it will give you a deeper feeling for where I am coming from in emphasizing continual self-improvement which that I call, “Living More Than OK”.

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How It Started

When I think back to the year 2009, I am still thankful for having the privilege to take the course on Positive Psychology with lectures by Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar. That opened my mind in a deep manner about the wellness model within psychology. His encouragement at the end of the course was to seek ways to promote positive psychology concepts. It was after that when I began to think about starting my blog. Of course negative self-talk filled my mind with -- who would bother to read anything I wrote. Still by reframing my thoughts, I settled on if doing it, even if it helps only a few people live a better life. Writing the blog I felt was worth the effort.

The Role of Boredom

At first thought in 2009, the word boredom came to my mind as I thought through how I viewed how many people live their lives. Then discussions with my College students about how boredom negatively affected their studies and personal lives further intrigued my thinking for the need to encourage positive psychology principles. All of this moved me to read research articles on the subject. It made sense that a life of boredom increases negative effects in daily life. A tragic example of this was seen in the Summer of 2013 in Oklahoma as three teens murdered a college age baseball player as he was jogging. Reports stated the teens were bored and simply killed him for some excitement.

Of course that is an extreme case for most people, the boredom of life means wasting their life away. Too many live below their potential, which I have observed in many college students by their own admission in discussions. I have seen the same in work settings over the years. That is why I stated back in 2009, just OK living is going through the motions with no purpose or meaning. I don’t see it as a way the best way of living.

We were created for a better life than just surviving.

The words of Jesus that inspired my study came from “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life and that they may have it more abundantly." (John 10:10). This is more the way I think we should be living life. Abundant living is living life to the full.

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What is the goal of life?

Boredom steals from our living and destroys and in some cases sadly, even kills. Abundant living and practical ways to live to our full God given potential is what I have always tried to explore ins this blog and hope to continue to do in the future.

The first questions I posed back in 2009 still hold true for me today: How can we continually move beyond boredom to living a joyful and abundant life? A continual growth mindset of “Living More Than OK” realizes that as we grow beyond what is ok in our life we plateau to a new level of ok-ness. So, the goal of abundant living is to not settle on the plateaus, but to keep growing to new levels of “Living More Than OK”. That is what I have been trying to get across in this blog over the years.

Reflection:
How does boredom in life negatively affect you? What are ways you have learned to keep your life moving to new levels of living more than ok?

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No Luck With Resolutions…Try Goals

On New Year’s Eve while watching the festivities in New York on Fox News there was much talk of New Year’s resolutions. Many on the station were stating their resolutions for 2014. Just from my past experience in work settings I have not observed many who kept their resolutions. This is one reason I stopped doing them. That made me curious about how many actually keep their resolutions. With an online search I found an article in Forbes magazine’s website from 2013 that stated research from the University of Scranton on the subject. They stated that about 40% of us make resolutions. The surprising or not surprising point was that only 8% keep their resolutions.

So if you have already broken your resolution for 2014 don’t feel too bad as you are in the 92% majority. That low number made me think of how can more people stay steadfast on the changes they want to make. The word goal came into my mind. First just looking at the word resolution Merriam Webster online defines it this way -- something that is resolved (to make a definite serious decision to do something). Now the definition for the word goal -- is something that you are trying to do or achieve. Both words seem very similar.

Let’s go back to the low success rate with resolutions. Even though the definitions are similar if you think about it how much thought goes into most New Year’s Resolutions? Generally they are done off the cuff at parties. So there is a quickly stated emotional aspect to them. Also in many cases they are stated after the person has had a few alcoholic drinks so he definitely has not thought through the resolution. So this could be reasons that resolutions go by the wayside so quickly.

What about goals? In the book A Life Worth Living edited by Mihaly & Isabella Csikszentmihalyi there is an essay, "What Works Makes You Happy: The Role of Personal Goals in Life-Span Development". The authors state that goals help in satisfying motivational needs. They show in the article from research how goals aid people in having a satisfying life. Here is what some of the research shows on the effectiveness of goals:
•
Those with goals related to their needs report well-being.
• Those who have a disciplined commitment to their goals have higher life satisfaction.
• Those who see progress in reaching their goals have less stress and higher life satisfaction.
• Those who create realistic and feasible goals have more life satisfaction. (p186)

These are just a few of the positive aspects of creating and following goals. So maybe it is better to think through goals for the year instead of spouting off a quick resolution at a party.

Usually at the end of each year I take some time to think through and formulate new goals for the new year. One point that is seen in the statements from the research is make the goals realistic and feasible. You want to go for big things in life but if they are too undoable that just brings discouragement. So along with goal statements you need to think through a few panning steps of commitment to reach your goal. I believe it helps to write your goal and the planning steps down as well. This helps to solidify in your mind what you want to achieve. Also if it is written down you can you can post it somewhere as a reminder to help keep your commitment level high. That is another aspect to failed resolutions they are just spoken at the party and forgotten quickly. Often they are remembered only after noticing you gained 10 pounds instead of losing the 10 pounds.

So if you have already failed your New Year’s resolution don’t worry over it. Instead take some time and write out a clear concise concrete goal to accomplish. Jot down a few action steps to be committed to in helping you reach the goal. Then post it somewhere where you will regularly notice your goal to keep it in remembrance.

Reflection: What do you want to accomplish in your life in 2014 to keep Living More Than OK? Write down a goal for the year along with relevant action steps. Then place it where it will be noticed as a reminder.

A Mindful Christmas With Focus Forward

This Christmas we took a different path of celebrating the day and took a short trip on Christmas Day to the small town of Marble Falls, Texas. The only place open in the town for activities was a small movie theater where we saw the new The Secret Life of Walter Smitty movie. From there we enjoyed a magnificent Christmas light display the town puts on every year. A volunteer told me that the display is put up by townspeople but they also receive help from a local prison that sends a team of inmates to help string lights. Those same inmates are invited back before the display opens to the public to see the fruits of their work and enjoy punch and cookies. She mentioned for many inmates it is a touching experience to give back to society in that manner.

Back at the hotel I had time for some reading so took the occasion to read through my December issue of Mindful magazine. Sitting there reading I was thankful that we had a relaxing Christmas day together with no major cooking or cleanup. This time of reading also gave me the time to be reflective. Mindfulness is being able to appreciate the present moment . I thought that had been a part of the evening for me, starting with the Christmas light display. Strolling through and viewing the lights with my wife and daughter gave me time to reflect on the message of Christmas and the importance of this holiday in my present and past. The crisp cold air gave me the reminder of Christmas time even though being in Central Texas there was no snow unlike my Ohio and Chicago Christmas days. Viewing the displays I was able to fully able to fully enjoy them in the moment while at the same time they brought up fond savoring memories from Christmases past.

This time of year I do also begin to think of the year ahead of new goals and plans for the year ahead. It was interesting that the Mindful issue had an article that inspired me to reflect on my new goals and plans for the coming year. The article was “Focus” by Dr. Daniel Goleman. The article shared thoughts from his latest book, Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence. I have always been a strong supporter in my teaching college students concerning his concepts of emotional intelligence so this was the highlight article of the issue for me.

The article mentions the lack of the power of focus for many people in our modern technological world. In a Twitter, texting world minds are more scattered and less focused. I noticed this the other day while attending a Trans Siberian Orchestra concert. Two people beside me at the beginning of an amazing show were looking at other videos on the one person’s cell phone. Also throughout the show many people I noticed, instead of taking in the show with the focus on the performance, they had their cell phones out either texting or taking pictures and videos of the show. Why? To prove on Facebook that they were there? By mindfully being focused on the performance I was able to deeply appreciate the group’s talent yes, but also more importantly be touched by a powerful story of the meaning of Christmas within the story being told by the narrator and singers. I understood that Dr. Goleman was right -- focus is important.

Within the article he shared three aspects of focus I had never thought of before. He shared that to have what I call a living more than ok life of abundant living, we need to consider three vital aspects of focus. First is to focus on the inner world, other relationships, and the outer world. The “inner focus” zeroes in on our personal values and our personal unique strengths. The second is the “other focus” that relates to an emphasis on our relationship with others in our circle of influence. The third focus aspect to consider is the “outer focus” that encourages a consideration of the big picture of the larger world around us.

As I reflected on what Dr. Goleman was saying here how these three aspects of focus can move us towards excellence; I thought of how I usually worked through personal goals in the past. I would say my personal plans were usually planned with just the inner focus. So as I move in to the New Year with my planning and new goal preparation, I am deciding to add into the planning the “other focus’ and the “outer focus” to add new dimensions in the planning process as I prayerfully and mindfully consider ideas for my life in 2014.

Reflection: Do you find yourself more scattered in your thinking and your life? Did you take time to mindfully enjoy the meaning for Christmas in your personal life? What do you think of Dr. Goleman’s concepts of having an inner, other, and outer focus?